Don't Let Them Lie

It is important to avoid being passive when a rebel wants to argue. It is easier to remain silent, of course, and in some situations, I am sure it is advisable. But how much should a parent take, when a rebel has begun to accuse, blame, attack, malign, or undermine? It seems prudent not to answer a fool in his/her folly, but sometimes, it is important to stop them in their tracks, when they are spouting off falsehoods. Just saying, "That is NOT true," is very important. Why should a parent let them go on and on, lying and believing lies?  Some lies can be over looked, but when a parent will say "That is simply not true," or "that is a lie," they will remember that they did not completely get away with their nonsense.  Parents need to stop them in their tracks when they are talking lies and accusing the parents of being "nuts" or "extremists." 

I would like to share something I found that was published many years ago by an author who endured living under communism. It shows the tactics of communists when they want to destroy someone or get rid of any objectors.

1. Ridicule any belief or person that is standing in your way of anarchy.
2. If that does not work, your next step is character assassiation.  If the person is not involved in sufficient enough scandal, fabricate scandal against them
3 If these things are not affective, resort to bringing their friends or family against them. 
4. Never try to prove the information wrong. Just accuse, distract, exaggerate , and demoralize the person.
5. Nothing you say has to be proven, and it never has to make sense. Just wear the opposition down with accusations, noise, and disruptions to their lives.
6.Nullify them and vilify them, so that nothing makes sense to them anymore. Never tell the truth: that you have rejected God and that you will not be under anyone's authority.

Use Your Head to Develop Their Heads

The world has always been full of rebellion, and parents have always had the duty and obligation to teach their children how to stay away from it. It cannot be emphasised enough. From the beginning, they are supposed to use their heads to develop the minds of their own children.


The book of Proverbs shows this over and over, whenever it says "my son, listen to the words of thy father," or "forget not the teaching of thy mother." In "not forgetting," it means following the teachings. Many times a young person in rebellion will say, "Oh, but I do remember the teachings of my parents," but they live completely contrary to those teachings in regards to activities, friendships, clothing, hairstyles, music, etc. Proverbs does not just mean to mentally remember, but to follow. "forsake not" those teachings, it says. Sometimes one person in the family gets the idea they can forsake these teachings and their good sense, in the name of "independence" or "individuality." This is exactly what the enemy wants. They want your child to detatch herself from her own upbringing.

Parents are sometimes accused of isolating and indoctrinating their children, or being "too strict." Don't ever fall for this intimidation. Many "too strict" parents were just strict in the eyes of the unbelievers. In comparison to former generations that grew up on discipline and restraint, these "too strict" parents were probably quite liberal. When the rebel rears her/his head, parents are usually thinking that though they were strict, they should have been much stricter.

If you were accused of being to "narrow," there is some interesting news for you. This was a tactic designed a few decades ago to nuetralize authority. Young adults were told to "get rid of their baggage" and to "vent," in order to empty themselves of their obligation to honor their parents. Then, their empty heads, free of any kind of loyalty for home and family, could be filled with progressive, or communist teachings. Progressive is just a nice word for communism/marxism/socialism. These empty minds will then be filled with beliefs contrary to their parents. The enemy uses music, peers and clothing, as change agents in this process of separating the family.

This may seem like a rambling post, but if you will discern it thoughtfully, you might see a few connections. Have you ever been really puzzled as to why a well brought up child could make a decision that would destroy her future? Have you ever had one of your children take a complete, apparently unexplainable turn against her family? It is by design. Of course, the young rebel never tells the exact truth. They like to spring it on the parent and confuse the father and mother, by a rash hair style or immodest clothing. They want to bewilder the parents. That is what the new styles are always doing, as well as the new music and the new math. It is designed to alienate the parent from their child, so that other people can then take over the direction of their lives.  You also have to realize that your child has probably compromised her beliefs or values sometime in the past, and has tremendous anxiety over it. The easiest way out is to blame the authority structure he was raised with.  He wants to jolt his family out of their restraint and their orderly ways. He wants to shock them and to make them less "uptight."  That way, he can relax more in the rebellion he is practicing.

Whenever a parent just cant figure out "what happened," there is almost always a lot of sneakiness and lying going on, on the part of the rebel.


Be wise, and use your head to develop their heads. Dont be intimidated by their apparent confidence. These kids only have a show of confidence. You have the confidence of knowing what direction to take in life. You have the experience. You know the lies that are out there. You know what is best for your children. Others do not. Do not let a rebel convince you that you are stupid or crazy. Take a look around and ask yourself who is stupid or crazy: you, who have stability at home, and experience in marriage and raising children, or the rebel, who has uncertainty in her/his life.
When Miss Rebel or Mr. Contrary stages a fight, just go take a shower, change clothes, put on a new dress, fix your hair and makeup. Put on some perfume. Then put on a disc of beautiful music and fill the kettle with water. Get out your most beautiful tea set. Invite someone to tea. Make scones and sit down with the rest of the family and enjoy yourself. Make some plans for things to do that stimulate creativity. Talk about what you would like to do with the house and what your purpose is in the home. Remind the rest of the family about it often. Sometimes children need to be reminded why they are in your family and what you are doing with them and what their duty is. Use your head to develop their heads.

It is good for the uncooperative member of the family to see that you have friends and that others approve of you and look up to you, so be sure that when the mad person returns, after his blowup, that you have a house full of people who are drinking tea and laughing. It is good for the contrary child to see that they are not the center of your universe.

Think about this for awhile and dont lose your own stability when the rebel gives you a hard time. Be sure to laugh every day and to sing every day and listen to music every day. Have tea and scones and go walk in a rose garden. Do something special for your own home and for yourself. Make things better at home each time the rebel causes disturbance. I know one woman who buys herself a new plant for her flower garden each time her ranting daughter gives her a hard time. Her flower beds are always lovely, but I think this little habit makes something constructive with the problem. It is probably really tempting to crawl into bed and cry, when Miss Rebel destabilizes your emotions, but here is a wonderful secret that I have been hearing from a few mothers: look for a blessing with each persecution. When they treat you disdainfully and in a disrespectful way, do something good for yourself, your husband and the other children, your own parents, and your property. Let each thing they do that is awful, be a signal to do something lovely. That way, when they have chewed you up and spit you out, you will have a nice place . 

Pray for your rebel and leave it in God's hands. When your rebel accuses you of something or refuses to comply with your requests, tell them that you have prayed that God would work in their heart to make them honoring.  Tell them your prayer is for their protection. A child that dishonors his parents is about to embark on a very dark journey into a frightening and unstable world. Continue to tell them what is right. Dont let counsellors tell you just to not rock the boat or not bring up controversy. The rebel himself will not be happy til he has begun a controversy. You have lived longer than he has, and you can tell him the truth about his erring beliefs.  You can do it while you have the opportunity. Because the rebel is unstable, he will threaten to bolt, and you can say, "Since you are threatening to leave and may never see us again, I'm going to tell you as much truth as I can."

Make sure your rebel knows he is welcome, as long as he does not do disturbing things or cause any uneasiness in the family.

I believe we should expose the strategies of rebellion. I think we should find out what the signs are, and reveal the behavior to the public (without names) so that the rebels will know that it is not a mystery to the parents, and they will know it is to their shame.  Too often, the rebel is treated by the rest of the world as normal. They create havoc in their own homes, but this is the worst possible thing they can do. It is more harmful to them than to anyone else.

In my comment below, I referred to Psalm 31. It is actually Psalm 35 that has the references David made to the mockers, scoffers, and those that threatened him.

Fret Not

To suffering parents and longsuffering parents: I started this blog because so many people asked me about raising children. As I saw it would fill up my homemaking blog, I wanted to put it in a different place. There were a lot of things to discuss. It is a different subject. I saw so many people having heartache with rebels at home and I thought that even if the rebel never turned around and repented, at least I could offer some real encouragement to the parents. I hope that is what I am doing. Too often the parent has to listen to a counsellor or preacher or such, telling them it was their fault. I felt there needed to be a place where parents could see that they were the stable ones, not the rebel. I mean, what kind of world is it where the rebel is treated as normal, and the parent as though they are mental? I think there is generally a plot against authority of parents. Read the sermon about John Dewey, a couple of posts previous to this, and you will see what I mean.

If you are suffering, let me give you something to laugh about. That is the only way you will survive the attack of Satan. Here it is: the rebel is living in his car, eating stuff he finds for free in grocery store samples. He has no place to do his laundry, and he is addicted to his rock music. He must wear brand name clothes , so he has no extra money. Yet he calls you insane.

You the parent, have a home and have built up stability over the years. You come in at night. You eat meals at home. You have a peaceful life. Have a look at what is really going on, and who is really "insane."

Be aware that your rebel did not get there by himself. Others had a hand in it, and God will see that they get what they deserve. They will all fall by the way. All those people that egged your child on, and felt sorry for him and pushed him into what they called "independence" (another word for rebellion) will suffer for what they did. God does not take dishonoring of parents lightly. It has far greater consequences than we in this generation could ever understand. We lost sight of what honoring really was, a generation ago. Even the best Chinese families that once valued the honoring system, now breed gangs instead of honorable sons. The enemy that lures these kids away will suffer for what they have done. You the parent will be recompensed. God will compensate you all for the good that you did in bringing up your children. The world wants to "blame the parent" but it is a smoke screen: it was the world that snatched your loved one away, not you.

Here is a chapter to really ponder because it talks about the evil doers (which could be the people that draw away your children) and then it goes on to tell you what all to do.

Psalm 37:


37:1 Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity.
Psa 37:2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
Psa 37:3 Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed.
Psa 37:4 Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Psa 37:5 Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
Psa 37:6 And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday.
Psa 37:7 Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.
Psa 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.
Psa 37:9 For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth.
Psa 37:10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be.
Psa 37:11 But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.
Psa 37:12 The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth.
Psa 37:13 The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming.
Psa 37:14 The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation.
Psa 37:15 Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken.
Psa 37:16 A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked.
Psa 37:17 For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the LORD upholdeth the righteous.
Psa 37:18 The LORD knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever.
Psa 37:19 They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied.
Psa 37:20 But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the LORD shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away.
Psa 37:21 The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth.
Psa 37:22 For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off.
Psa 37:23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.
Psa 37:24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the LORD upholdeth him with his hand.
Psa 37:25 I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.
Psa 37:26 He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed.
Psa 37:27 Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore.
Psa 37:28 For the LORD loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off.
Psa 37:29 The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever.
Psa 37:30 The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.
Psa 37:31 The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide.
Psa 37:32 The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him.
Psa 37:33 The LORD will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged.
Psa 37:34 Wait on the LORD, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it.
Psa 37:35 I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree.
Psa 37:36 Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found.
Psa 37:37 Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace.
Psa 37:38 But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off.
Psa 37:39 But the salvation of the righteous is of the LORD: he is their strength in the time of trouble.
Psa 37:40 And the LORD shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.

What Parents Are Up Against

The Reading Lesson

by Evert Pieters 1856-1932

The sermon in the previous post made me think about a number of things. I have seen the stricken faces of grieving parents who watch for the souls of their children. I have heard the stories of daughters who have laughed in their parents faces and accused their mothers of being pathetic and their fathers of being reactionary. I have read of the sons put their fathers through tremendous stress, contributing to their ill health.

The reason for this blog, is the many years of church experience in which I saw good families lose their children to the influence of youth groups and school peers, who managed to tear down the family's values and separate the child from his parents and create hostility between them. I noticed that parents were diligent parents. The children were led astray by the pied piper with the music and fashions of the time.

In the 1960's there was a tremendous influence on young people in colleges to rebel against their parents. This rebellion was broadcast about through pictures and articles in magazines, newspapers, and on television. Popular music, heard on the radio, supported the rebellion against the teachings of the Bible. I wrote about the different "isms" that these young adults were taught, in this article here http://homeliving.blogspot.com/2009/07/intrusive-government-quotes-from-past.html You will have to scroll down to where I listed these false philosophies.

In an attempt to prevent their sons and daughters from totally disappearing from their lives, some parents backed down on their values and allowed their children to live a decadent lifestyle in their presence. They tolerated the music, the friendships, and the neglect of the teachings instilled in them by the parents.

These rebels never backed down an inch, but their parents retreated. In the end, it might have made some children stay closer to home, and thus be safer, but it taught the rebels that they could have their way. Parents who would not agree to the new lifestyle of the young people, were accused of being unloving, hard line, or legalistic. If they did not want their young to marry into problems, they were told that they were judgemental.

I remember specifically one time back in the early 70's when a young preacher was asked to talk to someone's daughter about a terrible mistake she was about to make. She was determined to marry a boy on drugs, and her family was dismayed. The preacher told her how inadviseable this was and the consequences. She said, "Well, I am the one who will be living with him, not you." That was the reasoning that was prevalent at the time. The couple did end up divorced but it cost the family a huge emotional toll.

The sermon in the post below reminded me of the tremendous forces that parents have against them. These foes have one goal in mind: to eliminate the role of parents. The previous post of the sermon, shows how John Dewey planned to thwart the teachings of the Bible by taking children at an early age and keeping them in schools for many years to indoctrinate them with the "isms" that I wrote about in the above link.

Parents just want to be parents and enjoy the fruits of their labors with their children. At first they just want to enjoy their little ones. Then, they delight in the way their children are learning. As they grow up, they look forward to having companions and then later, grandchildren. They just want a normal life and to be left alone.

From the beginning, though, parents are continually attacked by the following:

The prevailing culture: Someone is always pulling your children away from you through the lures of clothing and music. Like the lessons of the Pied Piper and The Emperors New Clothes, the prevailing culture marches children off into a sea of blindness and mistaken beliefs about life. God put parents there to stop it. If you fought of the prevailing culture, and taught your children about good music, maybe just singing together or in church, you did right. If you showed your children how to dress, even by your example, or provided good clothing for them, and did not follow the corrupt styles, you took your rightful responsibility.Even if your child fell for the fashions and the music, the fact that you at least said something about it, was heroic. I

Friendships: The culture demands that you let your children have all kinds of friends, whether they are good for them or not. If you stood up against this and refused to allow it, you were very brave. There are some people who do not think a parent has a right to do protect their children from friendships that will pull them away from the family unit or family loyalty.

Remember, I wrote some time ago, that the one thing a foreign power needs to totally destroy a nation is to make families split up and become disloyal. That way, the young people will follow other young people into rebellion, and then, certain groups with certain "isms" can get ahold of their minds and create their own following. If you refused to allow a child to visit someone or phone someone that you felt doubts about, and if you provided family activities in place of it, you were doing your duty.

continued...

Who Will Your Children Follow?

The Lesson

by S. Wilson

The following is a sermon that was preached recently, regarding the people who attempt to disciple your children. It shows the attempt of educators to create disciples for the state. Who will your children follow?

Welcome to everyone, God Bless you all for coming,
and when we have finished tonight,
may everyone here be able to say in their heart that it was time well spent.

The theme of Lee's Message yesterday was Passing on the Faith -
tonight let's talk about passing on the faith of Jesus in the home -
to the next generation.
By the way, this is not academic - is it -
this is about passing on a way of life;
making disciples.
We want our children to become disciples of the Lord one day.
Discipleship takes Doctrine and Discipleship takes Discipline.
Doctrine - that's teaching; and Discipline. We'll go in that order.
To pass on the faith to our children, to make them disciples,
we need to pay attention to Doctrine and Discipline.

I DOCTRINE
OTHER FAITHS TAKE DOCTRINE SERIOUSLY:
In 1990 there were half a million muslims in America.
In 2004 there were at least one and a half million - a 109% growth rate.1
They are serious about passing on their faith to their children; they are serious about doctrine.
Its normal for young people to know the Quran.
Many memorize the whole thing.
Their parents know that it is Muhammad's doctrine that will make their children grow up to be Muslims. That's the way it works the world over.
Living by Darwin's doctrine is what makes kids grow up to be Darwinists.
Living by the doctrines and writings of men, will make children grow up to be followers of men or the denominations they established

What makes children grow up to be Christians?
Living by Jesus' Doctrine.
Lord, I want my children to become Christians!
"Teach them to observe all that I have commanded you." Matt. 28:20.
It starts with Doctrine.
Lord, I want my children to love You!
"Whoever has my commandments and keeps them,
he it is who loves me." John 14:21
Discipleship starts with Jesus' Doctrine.
It doesn't end there; but it has to start there.
Lord, I want you in my Home!
"If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him,
and we will come to him and make our home with him." John 14:23
It starts with Doctrine - Keeping Jesus' Word.
Lord, I want my children to have God's Spirit indwell them and to have life.
"... the words that I speak unto you, they are Spirit, and they are life. " John 6:63

Jesus' words are Spirit and Life for children.
His Words matter.
His Doctrine,
His Teaching,
His Commandments matter.
Lord I want my children to be FREE!
"If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples,
and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." Joh 8:31-32
All the things we want for our children - Truth, freedom, Love, Spirit, Life, and Home -
come from learning and keeping Jesus' teachings.
It starts with Doctrine.
What makes children grow up to be Christians?
Living by Jesus' Doctrine.
And so the faith moves forward to the next generation.
That's what we want - to pass on the faith in our families.
BIBLE STORIES - WITH DADDY TOO
So this is practical - Read Bible stories to you children - tell them Bible stories from heart - when your children are old enough, let them read the story; let them tell it to their brothers and sisters.
Sometimes my kids like to act out the Bible story.
Fathers, if you leave discipleship up to your wife, I especially exhort you to get involved;
your family needs you to be the leader.
God says that "...the glory of children are their Fathers..." (Prov. 17:6) -
God MAGNIFIES fathers to their children - we're some kind of superman to them;
ten times faster, stronger, braver, smarter than we are to anyone else on earth!
The encouragement of a father is life-changing.

I remember when I was in college I once phoned my Dad
and asked him to tell me more about when he was growing up,
what it was like, and what his Dad was like.
One day when I came down to get my mail there was a thick envelope,
with my name and address in his very distinctive handwriting.
I remember holding that envelope in my hands - I felt like I was shaking inside.
It meant so much to me.
God designed fatherhood to magnify the impact you make in the lives of your children.
The glory of children are their fathers.
Now we also want to MEMORIZE the word with our children.
(children reciting)
MATTHEW 5:1-16 RECITATION
Mat 5:1-16 And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him: (2) And he opened his mouth, and taught them, saying, (3) Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (4) Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted. (5) Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth. (6) Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled. (7) Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy. (8) Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God. (9) Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God. (10) Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (11) Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. (12) Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you. (13) Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men. (14) Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. (15) Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. (16) Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

Now that's a chunk of Scripture! But we just take it one verse at a time, and it all adds up.
Let's do a quick hands on demo.
Let's memorize a verse together. I invite you to look for things that you think might be useful to you and take them home with you. Of course you'll find your own things too.
Deu 6:4-7 "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. (5) You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. (6) And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. (7) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
1. Practice with small gaps.
2. Practice with larger gaps - whole phrases
3. Use your hands if it helps! (People talk with their hands, and I find that its easier to memorize Bible verses - especially difficult passages - using hand gestures that go along with the words.)

GET THE LITERAL MEANING DOWN:
So now that we have memorized it, what does it mean? Well on a literal level, most of the words explain themselves, except perhaps for the word diligently. Diligent means steady, earnest and energetic. We teach our children to Love the Lord not just a once in a while, not once a day, but steadily, throughout the day. That's the literal, first level meaning.

CONNECT TO THE LARGER WAY OF LIFE:
But this verse and every verse is part of something much larger - it is part of a whole WAY OF LIFE, isn't it. So we want our children to understand how this fits into our Christian way of life. And this verse in particular points to the fact that Christianity IS a way of life. It can't be taught as an academic subject, in a weekly program slot. It has to be passed on by being lived out together; when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down and when you rise. That's life to life learning. Its too easy to forget that what the New Testament calls the "way of life" is in fact, a WAY OF LIFE. For our children to learn a whole way of life, they need to see it modeled before them every day. They need to live it with you every day. They need to live it with someone who knows it. Now I'll illustrate the verse's larger application with a story - I use this kind of a compare/contrast story a lot when I want to talk about big-picture ideas with my children.

Lets say two Dads want to teach their children about what it was like to grow up on the farm. One Dad grew up on a farm, and the other Dad is still a farmer. The first Dad gets a picture book out and points to the pictures and tells them wonderful stories about what it was like. He does a great job. Maybe he gets a video too. When he's done his children can tell you quite a bit about farm life - and they're pretty excited about what they heard. He's done a great job teaching this as an academic subject.
This father made informed children.
The other Dad is still a farmer. His interest in teaching about farm life is not academic.
He wants to pass on a way of life to his children.
In fact, for the sake of the farm he NEEDS to pass this way of life on to them;
he needs their help.
So the children are out there, along side him, slopping the hogs, haying the horses,
cleaning out the stalls, the whole works. That's Deuteronomy 6:7 discipleship.
By the time they grow up they have learned a whole way of life.
This Dad has done an excellent job passing on a way of life.
This father made disciples!
Jesus followed the Deut. 6:7 pattern of discipleship.
It wasn't a program slot. It started before the sun came up, went all through the day, and ended after the sun went down. You read of Jesus teaching His disciples by the wayside, when He sat down to eat, when He rose up, and late into the night. He was teaching a way of life - it required His life to teach it.
Discipleship is a way of life not just a 30 minute family bible hour - nor can you pass on a way of life on the weekends - its not something the Sunday-school teacher can do. The way to pass on a way of life is to share a way of life - when you sit in your house; when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise. It takes time to pass on a way of life - and time is so hard to come by; but if you won't take the time, there are people who will.

Allow me to introduce you to John Dewey.
John Dewey is known as the father of Progressive Education. He wrote that teachers needed to counteract the influence of the home and the church on children, which he said produced children who were too individualistic and not socialistic enough. He put farm families under particular suspicion because their children were often rugged individuals that the state had a hard time re-educating to be socialists. He is one of the original signers of the Humanist Manifesto, which denies God, creation, the soul, the sacred, and life after death, among other things. It requires religions be "reconstituted as rapidly as experience allows" to suit the Humanist agenda. It also requires that all human associations must be controlled to conform to the humanist manifesto.
He went to the Soviet Union and wrote back glowing reports of what he saw. He admired their efforts to dismantle the traditional family and use schools to indoctrinate children to think of themselves as belonging to the state -- bragging that schools were "the ideological arm of the revolution."

2 He attained international influence over China, India, Russia and the United States, insisting that schools become the tools of a new socialist agenda. The National Education Association - which works out his legacy today, made John Dewey their honorary president. Education as we know it today, remains the legacy of this man who hated the traditional family and hated the church, and who passionately fought for the right to make children the property of a new socialist state which was his idea of heaven on earth.

He wrote :
"I believe that ...the teacher always is the prophet of the true god and the usherer in of the true kingdom of god. "3
One of his ilk wrote,
The Bible is not merely another book, an outmoded and archaic book, or even an extremely influential book; it has and remains an incredibly dangerous book. It and the various Christian churches which are parasitic upon it have been directly responsible for most of the wars, persecutions, and outrages which humankind has perpetrated upon itself over the past two thousand years. I am convinced that the battle for humankind’s future must be waged and won in the public classroom by teachers who correctly perceive their role as the proselytizers of a new faith…These teachers must embody the same dedication as the most rabid fundamentalist preachers, for they will be ministers of another sort, utilizing a classroom instead of a pulpit to convey humanist values in whatever subject they teach…The classroom must and will become an arena of conflict between the old and the new—the rotting corpse of Christianity, together with all its adjacent evils and misery, and the new faith of humanism, " John Dunphy (The Humanist magazine, Jan/Feb 1983)

There is a reason that we have lived through a century of war in the schools.
There is a reason that the National Education Association advocates things
that have nothing to do with reading writing or arithmetic.
There is a reason that the NEA demands children be trained to accept homosexuality and homosexual marriage. There is a reason that the NEA demands that children be indoctrinated to accept condoms, promiscuity and abortion rights as part of life.
There is a reason that the NEA demands funding to take children from the home
at earlier and earlier ages -- now even from infancy, all the way through age 18, for eight hours or more every day. They are making disciples for a way of life; for their own atheistic Kingdom of God. It is a way of life for which their founding fathers passionately fought.

Why is it that the church is losing so many young people?
Because the one who makes the disciples gets to keep the disciples.
And the one making disciples is the one who has the children all day long, from infancy to adulthood. So who is really serious about making disciples?
Let's do the math:: two hours a week on Sunday, plus family bible hour every night - and you're up to nine hours a week of discipleship for Jesus.
Compare that to forty hours a week by the NEA.
Close to 20,000 hours of indoctrination by the time children are 18.
Parents say, "He left home and just fell away from his faith."
Could it be possible that he left home
and realized what he was really being trained to believe all along?
Perhaps he left home and his real training - his real discipleship kicked in.
I know time is hard to come by. Perhaps you say, "I would love to spend more time with my children, but how can I do it?" I don't have the answer for that. All I have is certain knowledge that if you fail to take the time with your children, if you fail to pass on your way of life to your children, there are others who will use your children to pass on their way of life.

The one who makes the disciples gets to keep them.
A man cannot serve two masters, the Lord warned.
Living by what John Dewey taught makes Children disciples of a New World Order.
Now I know that you all know nice teachers who are trying to do their best - I do too.4
But I'm talking about the larger war.
A Wahhabi muslim imam may be a charming fellow in private; but the larger jihad is not so nice.
You may know a nice school teacher;
but the larger effort to dismantle the traditional family is not so nice.
The staff trainings on homosexuality are not so nice.
The court orders banning prayer at football games are not so nice.
The iron curtain that has descended over public schools is not so nice.
The lawsuits, the intimidation, the accusations - the war to get access to our children -
is not nice at all.
I ask you today - to make disciples of your own children
by sharing a way of life with them, the way Jesus shared His way of Life with His disciples.
The National Education Association will not pass on the faith to your children.
They adamantly affirm and pledge not to.
I urge you, if you are serious about passing on the faith of Christ to your children,
to bring up your children yourself.
You're really bringing up generations to come.
Hillary Clinton wrote a book entitled
"It takes a Village to Raise a Child."
One homeschooling mother wrote,
"I have seen the village and I don't want it raising my child."
So that's Doctrine.
The other part of this is Discipline.
[might suggest people stand up and stretch??]
I I DISCIPLINE
This is a completely different subject, but it needs to be said tonight.
Sometimes kids get out of control and develop a rebellious spirit and are not teachable.
They're ruled by a rebellious spirit and there is no peace in the home.
Detective Robert Surgenor is the chief detective in charge of the juvenile crime unit of an Ohio police
department. On his first day on the job he came across a mother who was trying to get her defiantly kicking, punching, screaming and spitting daughter to sit in her car seat. In exasperation the woman asked him to help. He tried to explain to the girl how her mommy loved her and wanted her to be safe, but she just spit in his face and told him to shut up.
"The mother leaned into the car and yelled, "If you don't get in that seat, I am going to have this
policeman take you to jail!" That threat didn't even phase the little demonette as she continuted to shout,
"no" and "shut up."
"The mother stood up, wringing her hands. "I have no idea what to do with her," she moaned.
"I've tried everything and she just won't do what I say."
...
"Why don't you try spanking her," I suggested.
There was a long pause as the woman's eyes narrowed to slits. She took a deep breath and clenched her
teeth. "That's all you guys with guns think about," she growled, "is violence."
...
"Look honey," she said, "if you get into the car seat, I'll give you a nice treat when you
get home." This attempt also failed as the youngster stuck out her tongue and shouted, "No!"
[The woman gave up and drove off with her daughter standing in the front seat - ]
"...the woman screaming at the child to let go of the steering wheel as they pulled out of the lot.
I actually felt sorry for her. ...the daughter was already dictating policy and procedures,
even though those decisions endangered her very life.
The mother was absolutely powerless over her daughter with the use of threats and promises."
The first thirteen years of my career I spent as a patrol officer on the road.
Since then I have been assigned to the detective bureau, in charge of the juvenile crime unit.
I have observed firsthand what happens when a child is allowed to do whatever he/she pleases,
with little or no restrictions set by the parents.
I am constantly amazed at the attitude of parents
who have allowed their offspring to rule the roost.
I have responded to many domestic violence calls that involved the abuse of a parent by a child.
The common denominator amongst these cases is the lack of parental discipline as the child was growing up. I have asked parents the same set of questions in every case.
When did you start having trouble with your child?
Why do you think he is acting like this?
How do you discipline your child when he gets out of line?
The answers are always the same.
What astounds me is the feeling by these parents that spanking small children
makes them violent when they get older.
There is only one thing wrong.
Almost every one of the domestic violence incidents that I have responded to involving abused parents reveals a child who was never spanked. [99.1%]
Let me share one more story from Detective Surgenor, and then we'll start the Bible Study:
"...I once responded to a call of a fifteen-year-old kid who just busted a ceramic lamp over his mother's head, hit his father with a fire poker, threw a coffee table through the front picture window, and wrestled with five policemen before he was finally subdued in handcuffs. Being the junior man on the call, I was required to compile the information for the police report. As I talked with the mother, she explained to me how they had always experienced problems with their son obeying them. I asked her at what age she had noticed this defiance in her son, to which she replied, "Oh, about two or three years old." I pursued the subject and asked her what type of consequences they had imposed when their son defied their authority. She explained that they had tried "time-outs," but they had never been very successful. They had attempted to make him sit in a chair, but he would just get up and walk away. I decided to ask her if she had ever spanked her son as a small child when he misbehaved. She became very angry as she replied, "We don't believe in spanking. Violence begets violence." I wondered if the woman realized how utterly ridiculous she sounded. Why in the world was her kid so violent? Because he was spanked as a small child? no. This kid had never been spanked. And he was one of the most violent children I had ever encountered.
So what does God tell us to do when our children develop a rebellious spirit?
Pro 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom,
but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Notice that it is not all rod and not all reproof.
It is both.
All rod teaches nothing; all reproof corrects nothing.
The rod AND reproof give wisdom.
But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Let's clarify something.
Rod in the Hebrew is a shaybet5, which in this context means a slim switch.
The shaybet stings like a bee on the bottom– but it does not physically harm the child.
There is more.
Pro_22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child;
the shaybet of correction shall drive it far from him.
Pro 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope,
and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Pro_23:13-14 Do not withhold correction from a child,
for if you strike him with a shaybet, he will not die.
If you strike him with the shaybet, you will deliver his soul from hell.
Pro 29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest;
yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
Pro 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Using the shaybet is important:
It causes quite a sting while delivering a minute amount of actual force. The child will be chastened, but safe. This is important because when you know that you are not going to harm your child in any way, you can be at peace with yourself and calm as you discipline. And the child can see that you are at peace with yourself about what you are doing. You are YOURSELF under authority from God, bringing your child back under your authority.
It is that calmness of your soul that is part of why a switching from Mommy or Daddy is such an EVENT.
For example, a mother who constantly yells at her child is perhaps little more in-control of herself than the child is over himself. Her discipline is not an isolated event, it is a dreary way of life. She teaches nothing by such discipline, but only hardens the child to abuse, and prepares a teenager with a super hard heart. A child's heart is like a bank. When a mother or father put in daily, hourly deposits of rage and anger, they may get it all back with interest one day: "For they sow the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind." Hosea 8:7 The point of Biblical Discipline is to REDUCE the time we have to spend correcting our children, and INCREASE the peace in our children's lives.
"Go to your room, I am going to switch you."
You go and get a switch.
This might involve a walk outside which further helps you to calm down.
It is a good time to pray to God to bless your child with a sweet spirit of obedience.
When you return, get right to the business of the thing - let your words be few and simple, but gentle.
You might consider telling them that you are switching them because they did not obey - and point out specifically what they did. If they argue or resist, calmly tell them that they are going to get another switching because of it – and do it. Switch them with just enough force to make a sharp sting on their bare bottom. You know you've done it if you hear a good holler. If you are not sure how hard to switch them get one and test one out on your own leg; it will help you calibrate things.
If your rebellious child just stands there silently, or looks at you mockingly – you are not doing it hard enough. It is actually extremely dangerous to face a rebellious spirit with timidity and fear. You will only harden the spirit, and put your children on the fast track to having a super hard heart. Somewhere between one and three deliberate stinging switches to the bare bottom should cause your child to reboot nicely. Each child is different, even in the same family.
When the rebellion is over – and the crying is done, You might say,
"Do you want Daddy to forgive you?" When my boys would say
"Yes" I'd give them a big hug and say, "I forgive you."
Then their slate is clean – they have paid their debt – and they can start over.
They feel the new start; the sweet spirit of obedience begins to come back.
There is peace.
Pro 29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul.
WHAT THE SHAYBET IS NOT FOR:
The shaybet is not for parents who have lost their temper. It is not for parents who want to hurt their children. It is for parents who take their duty before God as a most sacred trust.
The Lord warns us not to despise one of these "little ones" saying that their angels always behold the face of our Father in Heaven.
Furthermore: The shaybet, or switch is not for mistakes, for clumsiness, or for when you kept them up too late and fed them a bunch of ice cream so that they're bouncing off the walls. Its not for when they can't wake up fast enough to make your adult deadlines.
The shaybet is for a rebellious spirit - an out and out defiance of authority.
The shaybet is an EVENT. When we start to follow God's way of discipline, we find pretty soon that we don't have to do it very often. It becomes a singular, isolated EVENT in the life of a child. It becomes a small part of the way of life, not in and of itself a way of life.
Lastly, let me say something about the self-appointed high priesthood of American secular culture - the
psychologist. They look down on and openly despise those of us who follow Biblical counsel on childraising. Compared to God they have more up to date information about how to raise children, or so goes the wisdom of the hour.
But should we be shamed by this crowd?
Their profession has the highest divorce rate of any of the medical professions,
three out of four report serious distress due to relationship problems,
they had such a high suicide rate that the APA convened a special task force to try to figure out what was going on; female psychologists were committing suicide at three times the national average.
And it turns out that they don't even use their own psychobabble in their own lives.
Believe it or not, they did a study on themselves to see if any of them used their own advice for their own personal lives.
Here is the results of their study: QUOTE:
"When therapists treat patients, they follow the prescriptions of their theoretical orientation.
But the amazing thing is that when therapists TREAT THEMSELVES, they become very pragmatic.... In other words, when battling their own problems, therapists dispense with the psychobabble and fall back on everyday, commonsense techniques -- chats with friends, meditation, hot baths, and so on." 6END QUOTE
Psychobabble was their word, not mine. They did another study on themselves7 - to find out why therapists avoided going to therapy themselves. They found out there were four basic reasons that therapists don't like therapy:
Reason #1 that therapists don't like going to therapy:
. "because of feelings of embarrassment or humiliation"
2. doubts concerning the efficacy of therapy,
[ "THEY DON'T BELIEVE IT WORKS."]
3. previous negative experiences with personal therapy,
[THEY TRIED IT BEFORE AND IT DIDN'T WORK.]
4. and feelings of superiority that hinder their ability to identify their own need for treatment."
[THEY ARE TOO ARROGANT TO SEE THAT THEY HAVE A PROBLEM!]
WHY would we trust our children to this group to raise? The only thing sane about them is that they avoid their own snake oil.
Don't let these guys and their pop-psychobabble books shame you for one second.
You are in the right.
I'll end with this little poem:
Junior bit the meter man Junior hit the cook Junior's anti-social now
(According to the book)
Junior smashed the clock and lamp Junior hacked the tree
(Destructive trends are treated in chapter two and three)
Junior threw his milk at Mom Junior screamed for more
(Notes of self-assertiveness are found in chapter four)
Junior tossed shoes and socks Out into the rain
(Negative, that is normal - disregard the stain)
Junior set dad's shirt on fire Whittled grandpa's pine
(That's to gain attention see page eighty-nine)
Grandpa seized his slipper and yanked Junior 'cross his knee
(Grandpa hasn't read a book since 1893)
The world needs more Grandpa's like this. Lets keep peace and respect in our homes so we can train our children up in the way that they should go.
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Better Safe, Than Sorry

Ventian Life in 1884 by Samuel Fildes

The parents were designated by God, when he created the family, to guard and guide their children. We see evidence in several places of the Bible that shows parents who failed to restrain their children. There were never good results from it. The unrestrained and untaught child grew up to be an unrestrained, uncontrolled young adult.

There is also evidence of good parenting in the Bible. Noah's family was impressive, mainly because of the tremendous peer pressure that must have been present in the pre-flood world. If that family was the only righteous family worth saving, it must have been a horrible world. Yet it was said that he was good, in all his generations. He surely must have passed on to his sons the values of previous generations and the law of God.

Sometimes parents today second - guess themselves when they are guiding or guarding their children. Their children may object to their protection, based upon what others will think. They become highly subjected to the opinion of peers outside of their own family. This is a detachment that is caused by being too impressed with the opinions and beliefs of others who are not their true authorities. It may also be caused by too much exposure to these people or these ideas. Sometimes the music and the movies have subtle things which influence sons and daughters.

Parents need to recognize that the old adage: "Better safe, than sorry" is still applicable, even in a world that thinks anything goes. I heard a small boy say to his grandmother, "Grandmother, why do you hold my hand so tightly when we are out shopping?" She said to him, firmly, and not too quietly, "Because, my dear, you belong to me, and I belong to you. You always hold tight to the people that belong to you, to keep them from getting lost or straying away. It keeps them safe. It is better to be safe, even if it looks ridiculous to people around you. It is better to be safe, than sorry."

As she was explaining this to the boy, who appeared to be about 8 years old, two young teen girls were looking on, and raising their eyebrows toward each other, their mouths in obvious, disapproving pouts. Perhaps they had been told the same things by their mothers and grandmothers, and this little incident reminded them of the time-tested rule: Better safe, than sorry.

It is not necessary for the parent to prove that a situation is unsafe. If they have the slightest doubt, or feel in any way uneasy about something, or if it is just against their better judgement, or if they just plain do not like something, it is the parents privilege and duty to refuse to allow the child to do it.

Many children do not understand this because they reach a stage where they feel they are smart, even though they have no wisdom. Some children exert their wills over their parents decisions and insist on doing things that are forbidden. They, like the prodigal in Luke, learn the hard way. They create such an uproar at home that the family dreads to see them coming home.

The rebel will employ power over everyone at home, so that brothers and sisters and parents retreat to their own interests, trying to avoid any kind of interaction with the rebel. The rebel then accuses them of being unloving or cold, yet she does not see that her accusations, her arrogance, her self righteousness, her rudeness, her back-talk and her screeching and insisting on her own way, drove everyone away.

The rebel will have the same success in her marriage, because, another old adage is that "The way you treat your parents, will be the way you treat your husband or wife." If they have no respect for parents, they will eventually ruin their own marriages. The lessons of compliance and deference are learned in the home. If a child continually resists such lessons, it will be" a long, hard row for him to hoe," in the future, which is yet another true saying.

Second-guessing yourself, as a parent, is to cave in to the peer pressure surrounding you that you hear from the counsellors, the friends, your children, even self-help books on the subject of parenting. Your first instinct is usually right. Yet in the back of your mind you keep hearing other voices --other voices that come from things you have heard, things you have read, and the opinion of the world. There may be pressure from the rebel, to second-guess your own precautions.

Parents have a right and a responsibility to raise their children as they see fit. It is safer for children to be home with their parents. Home provides a haven from the street, from the riotous living that the prodigal participated in, in the parable in the book of Luke. Parents provide a home life for their children for that reason. They should explain to the child that is pulling at the restraints, that they are teaching them these safety precautions so that they will be prepared to teach their own children someday. This is the way that you pass on your beliefs to the next generation and the next.

Children do not know better than the parent. One thing we do know is that more evil happens at night to a child, than in the daylight, in the world, and still, much can happen in the daylight that is dangerous. That is one good reason to trust your cautions and keep your children around you in the daytime, and at home in the evenings. A parent may second-guess himself when the child appears to be so confident and says that all his friends are allowed to do it. A parent may then start to wonder if he is doing the right thing. He goes against his knowledge and his wisdom, and listens to the other voices that call him.

A child might try to prove to you that it is completely safe "out there," whether in the daylight with friends, or at night in a nightclub, but if there is just something about it that doesn't quite give you peace, that doesn't "set right" with you, you have the ability and the duty to say "no."

One reason I suspected that the young girls listening to the grandmother telling the little boy that it was better to be safe, than sorry, seemed to be so peeved about it, was that people do not like to hear anything restrictive. They want complete and total freedom, without any caution, without self control, and without restraint. They do not connect the instruction from parents, with care and concern. They let peers tell them that their parents are oppressive and over-protective. The rebel is ultra sensitive to restraint. A rebel sees everything as "control." Parents must not be intimidated by this, but rise to the calling of parenthood. Instead of being discouraged, a parent needs to use rebellion as an opportunity to exercise their responsiblity and become the kind of guides and guards that God wanted them to be.

Too often, the parents shrink back, afraid of trouble, and will not say anything. They are intimidated by the antics of the rebel, and well the rebel knows it. Such tactics were used by communists, who knew that they didn't have to make sense. They just had to wear people down with a lot of noise and upheaval and commotion. People would then settle for anything, just for peace. Adult children in rebellion are communists who want to get their own way without respecting the rights of parents.

There was a mother who did not want her children to cross the road unless there was an adult with them. She had observed several animals that had been hit by cars. Some visiting children wanted to go across the road and play in the field, but the mother would not her children go. The visiting children did not understand her cautions, and they said she was over-protective. Today that mother has living children and grandchildren, because she believed it was better

to be safe, than sorry. She was more concerned about doing the right thing, than about the opinion someone else had of her.

Those same children that objected to the "better safe than sorry" policy, are grown now, but have been in a lot of trouble, because they do not know how to pass by trouble. They don't have a personal caution built in by their training.

There may be books that a parent just doesn't quite like, or a movie, or friends, or activities, or clothing. It is the job of the parent to investigate these things, no matter what other people may say.

The parents job is to control the atmosphere of the home and provide a protective place to grow good children who can think straight. The Bible says children are to honor their parents. You cannot honor your parents if you defy them or push a lifestyle on them that is contrary to the word of God. Sometimes there are young adults who want to go and live with their boyfriend, or bring home children for the grandparents to raise. They push this lifestyle on the older generation. This is not honoring, this is despising their upbringing.

When parents teach their children to do right and to avoid what is wrong, they are trying to give their children a head start on a successful life. They know that sin will weigh them down. They want them to have good goals to reach. They know that sin will divert their attention from things that are good and lovely (Philippians 4:8). They love their children, but love is not always hugs and kisses. Love is passing on to your children the cautions that you believe in. It is not allowing the child to lead the parent into agreeing with something that is against their beliefs. It is teaching them to be safe, spiritually and physically, no matter what all their friends think.

Antics of the Rebel

Mary Teaching Jesus

Luke 2:51 And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.

Luke 2:52 And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

I am sure that Jesus being "subject unto them," indicated that he honored his parents and learned from them until he entered his ministry when he was 30 years old. He was God's son, so of course he would have had knowledge of things that his parents did not.Yet, he did not dominate them or treat them as though they were inferior.

Some adult children will claim their rebellion is of a religious nature, and that they want to "serve the Lord." Yet, their actions deny this. Some counsellors (miserable comforters, as Job called them) will say that an adult child's rude behavior is a result of trying to grow up and break away. Let me ask you as a parent: are you grown up? If you said yes, do you think that justifies your being rude or threatening to do something that is destructive to yourself or your family? I have heard this excuse from highly paid therapists on radio, on the web, in print. Listen, folks: if it is not okay for an adult to behave in a rude manner, why is it okay for a young person to do it? And the idea that they are "growing up" is ridiculous, because rudeness and being inconsiderate of others in the family is not "grown up"--it is immature.

If you will take a closer look at the verse posted from Luke, you will see that when Jesus went back to be subject to his parents, he increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. That could perhaps be broken up into subjects areas such as "mentally, physically, spiritually and socially." It has all the elements of a well rounded man. When our children are with us, we hope that will happen to them, too. When they rebel, they usually fail in some of these areas, because, away from the wisdom of the parents, they do not thrive in these areas. They may become "street-smart" but they lose a lot of ground, spiritually. They cannot excel in all their talents, as well as they would if they were honoring toward their parents. Rebellion tends to rob them of their seriousness and their desire to do only what is right. It makes them more flippant and careless. The rebels reach a point where they do not care anymore.

Jesus went home to subject himself to his parents. He was the son of God, yet he did not use that as an excuse to worry his parents by being absent from them without their blessing. There are those who will excuse rude behavior (staying out all night, leaving a mess, treating others with disdain) by saying it is time for them to "break away." If a person wants to break away, I don't understand why they do not do it properly, like the prodigal son in the parable. He asked his father for his inheritance and went to find his own way. These days, the rebel stays around and makes everyone miserable. She wants to be a prodigal at home and enjoy mother's good cooking and use her washing machine. I do have a different view about what should be done with prodigal daughters, compared to prodigal sons , as I do not think they can be treated the same, but I will address that issue another time.

If someone wants to truly be in the service of the Lord, he needs to be honoring of his parents. On the contrary, a rebel first seeks to throw of the restraint of his parents. The happy, compliant children still at home, fare much better in the freedom department. As they earn trust, through their good, clean and honorable behavior, the parents give them more adult responsibilities and more freedom, even at a young age. I might add here that Jesus did not travel more than a 30 mile radius of his own home, and he walked. If a young person really wants to be like Christ, it would be interesting to see if they could find a ministry within 30 miles of home, and walk.

When the rebel wants freedom, he goes about it the wrong way. He takes liberties that makes others feel uncomfortable, and even upsets the family with his demanding ways. He forces the family to agree with him/her, intimidating them by calling them "hypocrites" or "intolerant," when all along he/she is the intolerant one.

One mother accurately described it when she said of her daughter, "She told me she would like to be able to visit without any values being discussed." This reduces the parents to nothing more than weather forecasters or ballgame commentators. There is nothing so intellectually non-stimulating than being required to sit around telling jokes or engaging in the talk of this world without discussing the moral implications of it. This makes parents just like "anyone else," who is not even related to the son or daughter. One of the most stimulating things to the mind of a parent is to be able to discuss the values that make them a unique family; that make them different from everyone else. Wanting only to talk about the weather or the movies, is one sign that the young adult has fallen away and forsaken the guide of her youth.

One reason that our elderly grandparents are not the teachers they could be, is due to this ridicule and rejection of their ideas and values . They are attacked for making statements of truth regarding right and wrong. They get beaten down to the point where they will just accept everything, just so that they will not be rejected by their families. Some elderly people that were well known to have taken a stand in their younger parenting days, now sit in neutral, having been "shut up" by the loud uproar of the young people. They even go along with some of the things they would have really protested against in the past. They do not want to be accused of being unloving or intolerant, so they even pave the way for the rebel to do as he pleases, even against the parents.

Rebels are little communists, who want to rule. For many years they take freely all they can from the parents, who give from their hearts their time and their labor and money. They are also poor,lost souls who have had their consciences dulled. It is not all their fault. There are people around them urging them to do it. They have friends everywhere who think they are not normal if they honor their parents requests. There is a flood of support for the rebel, but God raises up a standard against that flood, through the parents. Congratulations to the parents who have waved the banner and held up a standard.

Now to answer the question of where I get some of my insights. First of all I have the Bible. You can't get anything better than that. I tried to find every rebel or rebellious situation in the Old and New Testaments and then attempted to find something in these stories that would show the pattern of these rebels. What was the first step? What sort of influences did they listen to? Who were their friends? What was the response to the rebels? How did the rebel end up? Did any of them repent?

You do not have to have actually been in a family of rebels or raised rebels, in order to understand and treat rebellion. You just have to know the word of God in regards to the issues of life, and you have to be observant of what happens to rebels. They never really have a good end, if they do not fully repent. Many of them want things to "go well" for them, as per Ephesians 6, so they will attempt an incomplete reconciliation with their parents, hoping to get the stress off them. That stress needs to remain with them so that they will turn their lives around. Instead of turning their lives around, they want to change everyone else so that they can feel good about what they are doing. That is what our government does, too. Instead of conforming to fit the pattern of the Bible, they change the laws to make certain things acceptable, legally, and make it "illegal" to reject that particular act or belief.

The rebel thinks if he could just get his parents to agree with him, he would solve the problem. However, parents are not obligated to go along with everything, in the name of love. They can still love their children and yet not approve of them. God loved us so much that he sent his only son to die for us on the cross, but that doesn't mean he approves of everything we do. His love is still there, but he does not smile on sin. He is always there for us to come back to, but we will not fully be accepted unless we accept God's will. Children sometimes never understand true love. Just because you love someone, does not mean you will always approve of what they are doing or accept their behavior. Like our heavenly father, the father's love is always there but he will wait for his son to come to him. He will not force him to change, but he will wait for him to change on his own. Then it will be completely voluntary and then he will welcome him with open arms. It seems like a complicated business, but the people of old time understood if more clearly than parents to today.

Next, as ordinary church members, my husband and I were often asked to help a family when a rebel was ruining their lives.This was partly because we both came from good homes where the parents ruled and the children complied. We both went on to raise our own children the same way. I remember the first time we were asked to speak to a girl about the man she was determined to marry. The parents were worried for their daughter, because the man she was "with" (I guess people weren't dating or courting anymore, the were "with" someone) had so many problems and was supporting several children and ex-wives.

The daughter claimed that since she was going to be the one living with the man, it did not matter what her parents thought. My husband approached her with the unequally yoked argument: he was not a man of faith, and she was brought up in the faith. He didnt have a good record regarding marriage and she was taught to honor marriage. What was to say he would stay with her? Her parents told us that she was just held so emotionally by the man that she could not see the problems.

We were unable to make any headway with her. Her marriage to him ended, leaving her a broken young lady. No parent wants to see all the hard work they invested in their loved one, dismantled by someone else. Although the girl learned from it and eventually got her life going in the right direction, it took a terrible toll on the family. They were unnecessarily brought low, depressed, defeated. Barbara Johnson's book, "Stick a Geranium in Your Hat," describes this perfectly.

The second young person we were asked to appeal to was an excellent boy who, with no explanation, decided that he did not like his family any more. His father was once a spokesman for a great company that went all over the free world. He often took his family with him to foreign countries, where they could be enriched by different experiences. The son refused to behave as though he belonged to the family by not eating together with the rest of them, not helping them in any way, and not communicating with them. This young man was so selfish that he did not care how much his mother cried or how often his father prayed for him. He did not appreciate anything they did, yet he stayed and ate their food and messed up the room he was given. Later on, the family found out that he was greatly influenced by friends. Instead of enjoying his family, he became hostile to them.

The third area is in the area of parents, themselves. You have to knowthat you are the authority over your children, and not vice-versa, even when they get to be adults. It is fine if a child wants to be a responsible adult, but you have to draw the line when they want to be your parent. It is dishonorable and abhorent, rebellious and sinful. In a home, the parents created their family. When the children get old enough, they can create their own families and rule their homes as they see fit, but even at that, they still do not get to become the parent of their parents. When they have children, it is their turn to be authorities over someone in the family, but they never become authoritive to their parents.

Therefore, if the grown child is causing an argument, a disturbance, has bad habits, is disrespectful, the parents do not have to allow it. They are not even obligated to explain their decision at great length for hours and hours. It is their home and their family. It is not something the child created, it is something the parents established many years ago. The child has no business creating a mutiny on a ship that does not even belong to him. THe bottom line is: if the parents like something, that is the way it will be; if they do not like something, they are not obligated to tolerate it. Rebellious children are the most intolerant beings. They do not want to understand anyone but themselves. They demand long explanations when they do not get their own way.

Some parents in this kind of problem, tried to take a stand, but would be intimidated into being more tolerant of their children's choices, even if it meant letting them come into their home, vices and all. We noticed it didn't restore the adult children to sensible behavior, it only accommodated it. Those children did not become good parents and their children and grandchildren are problems in society today.

As time went by, we discovered a few things in common amongst rebels. I also have studied a little about our forebearers of the 19th century. Their youth intermingled more with the parents and other adults. Today there is a youth culture that pulls away nice young people with words like, "You are not fulfilled. You shouldn't be listening to your parents at your age. Nothing bad will happen to you if you go against them. You should get a life. You take honoring way too far. Its not of their business what you do, etc." If a person listens to a lie long enough, it begins to sound like the truth. After awhile they can no longer distinguish between a lie and the truth.

Yu do not have to do a great deal of research or know a lot about the way people are, in order to understand what is happening in the case of a prodigal. You just have to remember what is right, and don't get confused by the rabbit trails and arguments they want to take you on. Keep telling what you want. Keep going back to that.

I imagine many people in pioneer times began their lives without a vast knowledge of the world or a study of human behaviour, yet the word of God took them through life. It is a system that shows the consequences of rebellion and the rewards of honoring. We don't have to have a vast knowledge of psychology or therapy. Psychology is defined as "the study of human behavior," but unfortunately it gives the wrong reasons and solutions, which lead people further astray from what is good and right and decent. The book of Proverbs is also the study of human behavior, and gives God's truth about it. In it contains the "Issues of Life" and shows right away the conflict between the rebel and understanding, the contrast between the actions of the rebel and wisdom, the tragic results of the rebel when he will not comply with knowledge.

Parents have a long way to go to reclaim their rightful territory, and that includes reprimanding those who would steal their children with their sly remarks and persuasive ways. This is something that has been addressed slightly in former articles. Nice parents just assume that they have no business telling the neighbor child to back off , or warning the wayward girl that their sons are off limits, yet stories abound about olden times when the parents were quite firm about this. There were times they were not successful, but it did not keep the responsible father from at least doing his duty as a father and informing the daughter or son about the dangers of their actions. Today, most parents just hold up their hands and say "What am I supposed to do about it?"

One other thing that aids parents in knowing how to handle a rebel, is to think about what kind of life they really want to have. If they are not happy with the way rebel is acting, they do not have to put up with it. Parents have a right to live peaceably without someone undermining their home life. They have a duty to protect their marriage and maintain stability in the home. They are not obligated to put up with a lot of problems created by a discontented offspring. Sometimes parents will work for years to get their home life established the way they enjoy it and will watch helplessly while a discontented child attempts to dismantle it. It doesn't have to be that way. The rebel is not cured by catering to him.

You do not have to be highly skilled or knowledgeable in order to understand rebellion. It is very simple. It is a result of selfishness and lying, two things very prevalent in the rebel. They are also scared and lost. If only they could be rescued. If repentance could be shown as rescue, a way out of their predicament, some of them will do it. Others are still not ready to do it. They are trapped in their rebellion, and sometimes there are others involved.

As a parent, you do not have to be an expert on every little thing. God made you a parent by giving you children, and so your responsibility is to make them responsible. You don't make responsible children by allowing them to disturb the home.

It is difficult for them to break free of their bondange to rebellion. Parents need to at least let them know that when they are ready to be rescued, and ready to break free, they have a home to come to. If they want to be fully restored to the family, parents can assure them they will be welcome. THey just can't bring all that baggage with them and set up camp in their home and influence the other children or make turmoil for their parents. When the prodigal came home, he was sorry. The father knew that was why he was coming home. He said, "this my son was lost." While he was away, he was lost. When he came home, he did it for the right reasons, and was "found."

Live, Live, Live!

Coming Home, by Enest Walbourne

It is all well and good to know that the rebel is out of line when she/he disturbs the parents, but what do you do when they have left you shell-shocked? The disorderly one really wants to leave you hanging here in uncertainty. So much uproar will go on, that you may be unable to concentrate for a while.

In some ways, the contrary offspring wants to unsettle you. When they leave the entire family in tears, they then go to a friend and say "My family is out of control. I am leaving!" Once ungratefulness and haughtiness enters the heart, rebellion takes on a life of its own. The perpetrator has a knack for upsetting everyone with his comments, and then, when the pleadings and tears follow, points to them and says "Look, you are out of control!"

Okay, what do you do with that? Well, it is a distracting comment. You will immediately try to argue that he/she put you in that state by what they said or did. Or you will say you are in perfect control, and he will argue about it. It is a distraction from what is really going on. Is the subject about who is or is not self controlled, or is it about who is or is not doing something that will cause repercussions for generations later? Most of the time, it is a distraction ploy to keep away from a subject of great importance, such as the group they are hanging around with, the people they are spending the night with, the mess they are leaving in the bathroom, the disrespect for the father, the wrong choices of companions, etc.

You might try bringing up the fact that everyone else in the home is happy. If someone at home is not happy, you do not want to keep them there against their will, and they are free to leave. Tell them that you do not want any rumors spread about you locking them up or holding them against their will. If they think happiness is more important than anything, then, do as the father did in the story of the prodigal, and set him free, but don't follow him and don't rescue him. When the father welcomed his returning son with open arms, he said that he was "lost" but now was found. In the lost period, he was not in a right standing with his father. The son admitted he had sinned. He did not expect any privileges or high standing when he returned. He wanted to work. He wanted also to be respectful.

Another thing that is really true, is that in most families, if there happens to be a rebel, it is that person that seems to be able to get everyone upset. There usually is no neighbor, no friend, no relative, and no one else in the family that does it, only the rebel. You might bring that up: "How come no one else treats us this way?" Sometimes a rebel will focus on the open-arms issue of this story and overlook the repentant attitude of the prodigal.

Finally, the rebel wants to think that when he/she is gone, you and your husband are on the brink of divorce and unable to cope with the devastation of the child's rebellion. Surprise them the way Leslie's wife did in "The Wife" by Washington Irving. The husband thought that his financial downfall would devastate his wife and he expected to go home and find her in weeping in despair. Instead, he heard her singing. When your rebel comes home, she should see that in her absence you created something beautiful. You made an even lovelier environment. You turned her room into a craft or sewing room.

Maybe you made a luxury guest room out of it, or maybe a sitting room for watching your movies. Maybe you got new furniture. You started putting special attention on your personal care and your hair and skin and clothes look great. You have a life to live, and most young rebels are selfish and self-focused. They think their wishes are the most important. They do not regard the parents ambitions and wishes as anything important, but it is never to late to do what you like. A lot of times, the rebel has kept the parent hostage to his needs for many years, and has never been able to pursue his own interests.

One woman related a story of her rebel. He said he was 16 and just would not comply with polite behavior and he would not bathe. The parents let him go elsewhere so that he would not ruin the rest of the family. Eventually he found he could not make it on his own so he asked if he could come home. They had created an office out of his bedroom, so he asked if he could live in the basement. He became the neatest person in the world. He told his mother that her being there meant everything to him.

Not all stories will have that ending, but it is important that the parent not let the rebel destroy them physically or emotionally. Parents should enjoy the things they really wanted to enjoy when the daughter was home. They suffer from having put so much time into a young person, only to be thrown out like so much trash.

The best thing to do is be all that you wanted that young person to be. Did you want her to write and teach other girls? You could probably do that, yourself. Then, when the daughter drops by for a visit, she sees all these other girls enjoying tea in your living room. Show success.

Never let it be said that you didn't mentor your son or daughter in the important things in life. Let them walk in on you discussing the important issues of life with the other children. Sometimes parents make the mistake of hushing up when the rebel walks in the room. Keep the conversation going and keep talking about the things that mean a lot to you. You don't have to mention the rebel. You can discuss important topics and keep the standards out there.

Rebels always have an air of superiority and conceit. I have watched families in churches over the years, and every once in awhile there will be a family that is totally devastated by a rebel. This rebel claims that his parents are crazy, and that he is wise. She or he calls them "pathetic."

Let me ask you: who is the most pathetic? The parents who are maintaining a home life, have a long marriage, have raised children into adulthood, care for others, remember to send thank you notes, buy gifts for people on special occasions, clean the toilet so that the home is sanitary for everyone, and shop for the best quality food? Who is the most pathetic, the parents, or Mr. Superiority, who does not own a home, has not yet proven he can have a stable family himself, has no money and cannot pay for the things that the parents have taken years to provide?

The rebel will put the parents through psychological warfare, but the parents can be confident that God upholds the family. The challenge of handling rebellion gives the parents an opportunity to have courage, be strong, and trust that God's laws will always bring desired results. Just read the book of Proverbs and a light will go on in your head. With each sentence, there is a deep truth and an insight. It gives the parents courage. It tells the children over and over "keep the teaching of thy father, and forget not the law of thy mother." (Proverbs 1:8. Proverbs was not written to a bunch of toddlers. It was written to parents and to the older child. A baby would not understand the Proverbs, but an older child would. It applies to the young adult in the home. It applies to the parents. Over and over it admonishes the parents to correct their children.

The rebel wants to throw off any influence of the parents and is frustrated because by nature, he or she cannot do so. Even if the parent had passed away, the child could never stop the spiritual teachings of the parents. Those things stay with you all your life into your old age.

If you taught your child to be polite, and he thought if he could just get away from Mom and Dad, he would be free from those rules, he would find to his dismay, that he could not shake the memory of is parents rules. God appointed parents to raise children, and their voices will live on in the minds of the children, long after they are gone. In today's rebellious climate, the angry rebel would have trouble accusing a deceased parent for still "controlling" him, but that is actually how it works. What they do not realize is that the purpose of exercising control over a child, was to train then to raise their own children effectively so that they will not be without direction in their lives.

The rebel should not prevent you from living. Like "Auntie Mame", who suffered many setbacks, some from no fault of her own, they should live, live, live. After all, they are not dead. Parents still have a future and a hope. We are not supposed to let our families be youth-driven. We should be age-focused. Children, even in their 30's, ought to be looking up to the adults, and honoring them. Parents need to show them how to live, even when the son or daughter is an adult. The young adults in the family are still very lost and feel bewildered. Watching the aging parents do well and live life with gusto, will give them stability and guidance.

I brought up the issue of parents being concerned about making the right decisions. I was told by several faithful Christian men that the children have to honor their parents, and in doing so, are blessed. Any wrong decisions of the parents can be turned into something good, when they are all trying to do God's will. "All things work together for good to them that love God and are called according to his purpose." Remember Joseph in Egypt? He was apparently very young (as young as 17) when he was put in submission to an unreasonable authority. Yet he turned it around for good. What could be more terrorizing than the account of young Daniel, also about 17 when he was brought before the king? He too, turned it around for good.

There are probably no parents who would treat their own children the way Joseph and Daniel were treated, yet children complain about such simple things as normal courtesy or cleanliness or safety issues. That is nothing, compared to what Daniel and Joseph and others went through. They had tyrannical authorities. All modern parents ask is to be treated with respect and not to lead the rest of the family astray by living contrary to their upbringing in the Lord. "Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right?" If the parents are "in the Lord," followers of our dear Lord, Jesus Christ, children should obey them. To obey means to follow along with. When a horse is wild, it has to be trained to obey, or it is no good to anyone, except to be put out to pasture. Parents carefully teach their children so that they will not run wild with their freedom and so that they will guard their freedom and treat it with some restraint.

Rebels make parents into very good veterans of the war against the family. They help parents learn to be strong and to stand bytheir values. They should be regarded as an opportunity to be what they were meant to be and to be strong and to do God's will as parents. Too often, they cast up their hands in bewilderment. They should not be bewildered when they get a rebel. Friends and advertising is tugging away at those children, and some times it gets in their minds enough to make them think they are wise. As they get more and more foolish, they are tricked into thinking they are enlightened, and in that false light, they make more and more mistakes in their lives. The prodigal did it but when he repented, the father welcomed him home. The father had continued to be stable during the time of his son's rebellion. He must have grieved terribly, but when the son came home, he was able to present him with a feast. This shows stability on the part of the father. The prodigal was the pathetic one, not the father.

Controlling Children

Patio Garden 1 by T.C. Chiu from Lovely Whatevers

We have recently discussed the tendency for rebels to control their parents and emotionally terrorize their families. This is nothing new, for it has existed since the beginning of time. In fact, several great men had rebellious sons and daughters, recorded in the Bible. In some cases, it was because the parents did not restrain their son or daughter. In other cases, the son or daughter was allowed too much personal freedom.

Most everyone today in the world of psychology and sociology, and even in churches, are programmed to believe that the reason for rebellion is "too much control." If they would really get inside the homes of these rebels, they might see that they have been given a lot of adult freedom according to their ability to accept responsibility, and that they have begun to be spoiled and ungrateful. I have met several good families over the years that suffered one rebel. This rebel had no good reason to torment her parents and siblings, and didn't have unreasonable restrictions on her life until she began to abuse others in the family. Her mis-use of freedom brought uncertainty to the home.


For some reason, there is no Biblical account of parents being accused of being "too controlling." In fact, it is quite the opposite. Parents are admonished to guide, to teach, to restrain, to rebuke, to chastise, command respect from their children, whether they are tots or teens.


Although we probably cannot say for certain that Jacob's daughter, Dinah was a rebel, scripture does reveal that she was assaulted when she left her home unaccompanied by her brothers or a parent, to visit her friends, which resulted in tragic consequences you can read about in the 34th chapter of Genesis. Her wanderings on her own, and the subsequent immorality, affected the entire region. Not that her brothers were entirely innocent in their viciousness toward the village of the man in question, but her actions contributed to the horrible results.

When things like this happen today, people cannot help wishing the parents had reined in the young person, and not allowed allowed them out by themselves. When parents take responsibility to teach their own children and to allow them to stay at home until they are married, it is not because they want to control them., it is because they are their children. It is because they have a responsibility to protect them. They want to do their best to give their children the best, to help them have a future life unhindered by the emotional and physical damage that comes after rude experiences at the hands of others in the world.

The Bible is absent of the common accusation against parents today. When Cain's mood was dark, and he was in rebellion, it was not because his parents were "too controlling. When Eli's sons became so vile, he was not told it was because he was "too controlling." When the young men mocked the prophet Elijah, they were not told that their bad behaviour was because their parents were "too controlling."

I could not find one rebel in the Bible that was from a controlling parent. The famous parable of the prodigal son has no mention of his father being controlling. The son might have felt he was being controlled, and maybe he was, but nothing was mentioned in that account of the father being at fault. Today, the world and all your relatives and even preachers and friends, will have the worn-out parent believe it was all due to being "too controlling," but I have seen no evidence of that. Anytime someone says you are too controlling, it is because they are out of control. A smart parent needs to know that a remark like that indicates that the rebel wants to control, and probably needs more restrictions on his life. However, most of the time, the parents are intimidated by it, and totally let loose of their own rights, letting the rebel have his way.

Most rebels do not feel an obligation to understand their parents. They are so blinded by their own rebellion, that they do not understand that parents want them home where they are safe, not because they are trying to "control" them, because these are their sons and daughters. They want to provide a home for them where they can grow and develop in safety. They love their children and want the best for them. Perceiving this as "control," rebels reject the safety and security of the family in favor of something much worse. Like Dinah, they may get themselves in worse trouble away from home. That is one reason parents tolerate a rebel for so long.


The future of that child is at stake. Parents want their children to "do well" and to have a long, abundant life. That life will trickle back to them. If their child continues in rebellion, it will bring hardship on parents, as they strive to keep a normal life with the chaotic adult child around them. When a child rebels, the results come back to plague the parents--divorces, expenses, and emotional turmoil. In her book "Stick a Geranium in Your Hat," Barbara Johnson described the decline in health when her son rebelled and wrought havoc on the family. That is why parents invested so much time in their children, teaching them to do what is right. It is why they warn them, through Proverbs, of the sweet talking friends who lure them away from the guide of their youth. A rebel effects the family for many generation. Her antics are far reaching.

Protection is interpreted as control, and the rebel in her recklessness plunges headlong into the street, where danger and trouble waits to snatch her. She may feel it is freedom, but in the end, she has less freedom than the freedom she found so confining, at home.

Let us now move on to the adult son or daughter who has developed an air of authority and superiority in the family, intimidating the younger siblings. They cannot pass each other in the hall without a fight. The rebel takes on a predator role, nipping at everyone who comes near him, until they all run away to their own corner, like the fish described in this blog.

Control is a popular psychology word that entered the social scene in the middle of the 20th century. It was a ploy to break down the authority of parents, mainly. One wonders why the absence of accusations of control toward employers or professors or judges in courtrooms. Parents are assaulted with it because they are are an easy mark these days and do not know how to defend themselves. With the elderly people all doped up and put in nursing homes, there is no way to find out how rebels were controlled in the past. But, no matter how lost we are, there is always the Bible to go by, and those words never change.

ALthough the hippie generation portrayed Christ as some namby-pamby non-violent do-gooder, saying "Peace" all the time, let us have a look at one particular incident found in Matthew 4. A great wind had come up, causing the sea to be rough. Jesus first rebuked the winds, and then there was peace. An interesting word study is the word "rebuke." Look how many times Jesus rebuked, and how many times peace followed that rebuke. In raising children, parents seem to understand that with small children, but somehow they do not see that an older rebel needs rebuke before he can give you peace. If in the end, he chooses not to follow wisdom, at least the parent can know that as a parent they did what was required of them, in rebuking the son or daughter. That alone should give them peace.

Controlling Parents

Summer Cottages by Gary Shepard, from Allposters.com

Do not let this title put you off. If you will look at this issue from a Biblical perspective, you will see that God designed parents for the purpose of controlling their children. Just as the government was created to control the unruly, parents were designed to control their children. The very term itself suggests a new "word" that we haven't been familiar with prior to the 1960's. It is part of the psychological attempt to take away the authority of the parents. No one wants to be accused of being "controlling" so they back off. They submit to the therapy and become nuetralized, and powerless

If the Bible does not answer our questions regarding the rebel, we have no answers. However, you will be able to follow a thread of rebellion throughout the Old Testament, showing the warnings, and the consequences of rebellion, beginning with Adam, continuing with Cain, and going on from there to people like Absolom. The entire nation of Israel was chastised by its parent, God, for being rebellious. When they would not listen to them, he allowed a foreign nation to capture them. This is sad, but it makes us realize that God has measures in place that will continue the discipline when the parents can no longer control the unruly one.

Proverbs 19:29 Judgments are prepared for scorners, and stripes for the back of fools.

If a child will not obey his parents, there is a greater judgement out there in the world of hard knocks, waiting for him. I heard a father say once to a rebellious son, "Son, you might think you are getting away with insulting words here, but out there in the world, if you say things like that, someone is going to punch out your lights." Sure enough, he continued his surly behavior in the public, and someone took offense at his words and punched him in the face. Had he learned the lesson at home, he would not have had to suffer the hard way.

Eli the priest did not do a good job with his sons. He didn't restrain them. They caused trouble everywhere:

1Sa 3:13 For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.

Did God expect the parent to be "controlling?" Certainly! That is what a parent does. That is a parents JOB. The child who is not controlled will not develop a sense of self-control, and will have children he cannot control.

God did not look favorably upon the rebels and told parents how to deal with them:

Deu 21:18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
Deu 21:19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
Deu 21:20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.

Today parents have the same complaints: sons and daughters who will not hearken to them, even if they have been taught. Parents may attempt to take the child to elders or preachers, only to find out that these people are ingrained in psychology, that won't discipline the child, and wants instead to punish the parents. Notice it was the same old thing--drinking, stubbornness, rebellion, disobedience, self indulgence.

Finally, the parents often find that miserable counsellors will tell them they should not be concerned, or grieved, but the Bible says:

Pro 17:25 A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bare him.

Pro 17:19 He loveth transgression that loveth strife: and he that exalteth his gate seeketh destruction.

The rebel controls the family, but accuses the parents of being "controlling."

Tell him/her that they won't be controlling the rest of the family anymore, or controlling the home. If they are no longer at home, they cannot control "far afar" or impose their own will. At home, the parents rule. In any business, if an associate despised the owners or went contrary to their plans, or disturbed the other employees, the employer would likely say, "When you get your own business, you can do as you like. Here, we run it according to our rules, for we were the ones who built it up." Grown children need to realize whose place they are in, and if they are not in that place, they still have no "rights" to come in and out and do as they please, if they are in rebellion.

Yes, parents do need to be controlling. That is what they are instructed to do when they are told to bring their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and to discipline them (Proverbs). But we should insist on controlling the parents, too, by giving them the authority they need, and not undermining it. We should make the parents be grown up and do their job.

Why The Two Blogs

Thanks for the emails from parents overseas and here in this country, who have come from my other blog, "Home Living." The reason for both blogs is that I didn't want to take up a lot of space on Home Living writing about non-homemaking things. There were a lot of time someone would ask me to write about children, and I thought it would be better to have a separate place for that. There are still some articles dealing with this subject on the other blog. There are also some articles written by both myself and my friends, in the archives. Hope you can find some things of use here.

Loyal Ones At Home

The Afternoon Sea by William Merrit Chase 1869

Though the rebel gets the notoriety, there are unsung heroes of the home who bless their parents in numerous ways. These are the ones who watch in disgust, while the the rebel, sometimes the oldest, sometimes the youngest, and sometimes an in-between-er in the family, disrupts the home and chips away at relationships.

These children watch from several vantage points; sometimes from a corner where they feel safe from the perpetrator, or sibling that is causing the uproar, and sometimes from the parents side, where they look on with disgust as the rebel rants and raves and rails against the home, against his parents, and against all sound wisdom.

The loyal ones at home are smart enough to know that they have it good, and that there is nothing better anywhere else. They do not want to give up their security and their good relationship with their parents. They know that it is to their advantage to behave. As young as they are, they see the future. They paid attention to the warnings in Proverbs and the examples of the rebels in the Bible. They watched other grown children in their antics, wildly proclaiming their "freedom" but actually becoming worse off.

Of the many responses I have received from the loyal ones at home, one letter stands out as a good reason to be loyal and avoid rebellion: she says "I watched what was happening to the young people at church who were rebelling. I watched as their clothes got more and more filled with "holes" (skimpy) and then I observed that they didn't come to many church services anymore. They were rarely home, and sometimes when they moved out, they ended up having to share a room with several other people that they did not get along with. They were too blinded to see that they were better off at home, where they had their own room and many privileges.

I saw also that they had extremely poor judgement in choosing male/female companions, and most of them ended up in broken relationships. I watched their parents grieving over the souls of these children. These arrogant children did not care who they hurt. They did not even love themselves enough to stay in a safe home where they would get proper food.

They thought it was better "out there" with no rules. Yet they found that there were rules "out there" but they were different. Home was actually more tolerant, more loving, than anything they found "out there." Most of the girls came back home, with a baby in tow, and the boys ended up in marrying women who had problems.

I had faith that God would look after me if I stayed home, and that he would take care of my future. My parents always pointed things out to me, saying, "You see that girl in the strange, attention-getting clothes? She will be bringing problems home." That always turned out to be true. Most of the girls I watched did not marry once. They married several times and divorced several times. Today, their lives are not better. They have complications and problems."

Many other testimonies like this have made me understand that even though parents may not exactly know what the future is for their sons or daughters, if they will faithfully carry out their duties to teach the younger men and women, God will take care of the future.

There is an old saying: "It is easier to train up a child than it is to change an adult." One reason parents have to be so careful to teach their children to respect them, is that it is easier to remind them of this matter if they have been taught. They'll remember right away when mother says "son, that is disrespectful," or "I warned you about that, years ago," or "If you run with the goats, you'll smell like the goats."

They will know what you are talking about, and at least have it buried in their consciences, where it will bother them when they violate the teaching. It will eat at them, believe me, and that is why they are such an angry lot. They cannot shake their early training. The rebel wants to forget the teachings of the mother and father, but just when he reaches out to grab a little of that rebellious "freedom" , the words of his mother or father echo in his mind. He won't be peaceful about what he is doing, and he will not enjoy it. He will blame his parents because he cannot really enjoy his rebellion.

The loyal ones at home are an encouragement to the parents. Often it is one of them who can clear the fog of the arguing rebellious one. They will remind their parents that it is the rebel who is the problem. They will see right through the arguing. They will even be able to point out the inconsistencies in the rebel's arguments. These loyal ones also want home to be a place of peace and not a war zone. They will vow in their hearts that if any of their future children act that way, they will not put up with it the way their parents did. They may even help the parents understand that it is not right to let a rebel reign supreme over the home.

It may seem like there are a lot of rebels, but for every one of them, there are two loyal ones at home who do not give their parents grief. This alone should be a great encouragement. Remember that the brother of the prodigal, who was always there, was going to get all of his father's inheritance. The prodigal, although welcomed home with open arms, had already used up his inheritance. Many times the loyal ones at home think the prodigal is getting more attention, and he probably is. But the ones at home will receive a great reward. In this life, they will progress further, faster, have nice mates and good families. They will not have had to take time out to try out the rebellious life. They saved a lot of time and money that way. They fare better.

The rebel, even if he comes home, will have to play catch-up, in his life. The years spent in rebellion are wasted, but if he repents, God will work with him and bless him.

Sometimes there is a very young rebel who is not old enough to leave the home, yet he tears down the family and makes everyone miserable. When there are other children, or even when there are not, this child must learn to tolerate the beliefs and practices of that home, while he lives there. When we were young we were told, "As long as you are under my roof, you will live by my rules, but, when you get your own family, you can do as you like." This is what the young rebel needs to know.

If the father is not protecting the mother from the stress of this rebel; if the father is passive and non-involved, there is still a way to get this monkey off the back of the weary mother. Sometimes the rebel will forget his own rebellion for a moment and "ask" his mother for something. That is a perfect time to say "You will have to ask your father." Before this, however, the mother has to inform the father that she is not able to look after rebel any more; that she has potty trained him, taught him to speak, taught him to eat, dressed him, bathed him, etc., and that she has "served her time" and now that he is too big to spank, she will be turning him over to his father.

That means that even if he wants to know where the keys to the car are, he has to go to the father. If he wants to know what is for dinner, he will have to go to his father. If he wants to know where his mother is going, or where his clean clothes are, he has to ask his dad. The reason for this, is that he needs to learn respect, and if he cannot speak without adding an insult to his mother, he cannot speak to her anymore. This seems drastic, but what the rebel is doing, is pretty drastic.

The rebel sees things one way: his/her way. He never sees the hurt he inflicts on others. He doesn't think about any one's future but his own. He thinks of no ones comfort but his own. He does not think of how much he neglects his duty. Sometimes a rebel will start a project at home, let us say, rearranging a room, or bringing home a terrarium, complete with turtles. The parents support it because they see it as a way of getting him more interested in home and family. Rebels soon abandon things like that, after they have their parents homes in an upheaval. Rebels leave responsibility to other people.

It is a big mistake to marry off a rebel, thinking it will settle them down, because they will wreck the lives of their mates. Getting a girl or a guy to "straighten them out" will not work, in most cases. In some cases where the rebel is WANTING to get out of his bondage of rebellion, a mate is a perfect solution. Admittedly, many rebels do not want to be where they are. They feel trapped by others, trapped by peers, trapped by commitments. They really want a normal life but can't seem to escape the rebellion. If we had more marriages and less in between time for young people, they would not have all that time to fool around with failure. Like the pioneers and those who have gone on before us, they would have the responsibility of marriage and children. They wouldn't be playing video games and hanging out at the homes of friends. Unfortunately, our world caters to that in between time, and encourages it.

Our world will not put any heavy responsibility on a young person, but it is youth that is ABLE to bear the yoke.

Lamentations 3:27: "It is good for a man that he beareth the yoke in his youth."

This makes perfect sense. Youth has strength to work, and work makes one truly happy. As a man gets older and he gets more feeble, he will not be able to do back-breaking work. If he works hard when he is young, he will secure his future. Parents and preachers are too soft on youth, catering to their problems and sympathizing with their rebellion. Few people tell the rebel what is really wrong with him

The loyal ones at home are going to be the ones who will look after the parents. It is the loyal ones that the parents should invest in. Too often the rebel takes all the time of the parents and exhausts them of their money. The time and money should be reserved for the loyal ones at home, and the rebel should know it.

You Never Told Me About "The World""

A Roman Family

by Sir Lawrence Alma-Tadema

Don't forget to read: http://guardthehome.blogspot.com/2009/05/controlling-children.html and http://guardthehome.blogspot.com/2009/04/controlling-parents.html

One of the most amusing stories that has been told lately has been of a homeschooling mother whose adult son came home from a brief visit to Rebel-Land, accusing his mother of not educating him to be prepared for the "street."



The resentful accusation went further, saying "You never told me about that famous actress that recently died!" The mother said to him, "If you want to know about that actress, I can tell you. She left her own husband ran off with a married man and was not allowed to return to the United States, because of being a bad influence on the morals of young people. Later, that husband left her for someone else. In the mean time her original husband was left with the children, who grew up without their mother. The actress was pursuing her own happiness."



The son was so shocked, he waved his hand in a downward motion and said, "That's okay, Mother, you don't need to go on. Don't tell me anymore!"



"Son," she said, "I am not obligated to tell you every explicit, dirty, seedy, sinful thing that occurs out there at night on the street, away from home. I'm told in the Bible to bring you up in the "nurture and admonition of the Lord. I read the Proverbs to you and you studied them, and it told you to stay away from such things! That was good enough for you. If, however you had come to me and said, "Mom, Dad, you never told us about this man named Jesus Christ who lived a perfect life and then was crucified and rose again on the third day" ---well, then, you would have a point. I would certainly have been a terrible parent if you didn't know about Jesus Christ!"


It would be irresponsible to expose children to the deeds that would corrupt them at a young age. We need to remember also that the Bible warns against talking about certain things that "ought not to be talked about" and that are "done in the dark." Children are not entitled to know about all the things that go on that would influence them. Wise parents do not let their children listen to just anything or participate in just anything. (Titus 1:11, Ist Timothy 5:13.)


Besides telling the story of Jesus, parents are obligated to live their convictions and to train up their children in the way they should go. They are not obligated to train up their children to hang around with scoffers and scorners and those who live in sin. They are not obligated to teach their children to keep company with those that have a bad influence.



Time is so short when we are teaching our own children. A mother and father have to choose the most important things to teach. If a child becomes a prodigal, the lessons will be taught him in the pig stye and on the street. The story of the Prodigal son tells what will happen to the rebel, so what more does he need?



The story from the Bible is pasted below. Notice several things:



The wayward son did not bring his friends back home and expect his father to tolerate them.

The son did not go home until he had the right "password," which was "Father, I have sinned."

The father did not put on a feast for his son until the son had come home repentant.

The father obviously had been broken hearted over his son, for when he returned he said, "This my son was lost, and now is found!"

The prodigal is "lost.
When he comes home, ready to settle down and live right, he is "found."
The prodigal repented and the father rejoiced. So often the prodigal wants the father to approve of his alternate lifestyle before he repents of it.



One of the biggest mistakes parents make is to act like everything is "okay." When you have a rebel on your hands, it is not "okay." Many "miserable comforters" are there to tell you to "let go" and "forget about him and get on with your life," and "He is just 'breaking away." I heard a mother say "I'd like to break away sometimes, too!" These people are just excusing the rudeness exemplified by the rebels. Rudeness is not acceptable behavior. If the rebel wants to "break away" I don't understand why he doesn't just leave and leave the rest of the family alone. No, the rebel wants to create a scene and a drama surrounding his rebellion. He is not content to quietly move away. He lets his parents know he is "grown up" and then, like a baby, throws his fit and disturbs the rest of the family.



When you read the parable, you will notice that the father enthusiastically welcomed his son, but let us not forget that the son did his part, too--he came back repentant. He "came to his senses," or "came to himself."



If this imaginary son was trained in his father's religion, he would have known the Old Testament stories of rebels like Cain, Absolom, Rehoboam, and others. He would have known the Proverbs by heart and he would know about "the street" or the world. His father would not have been able to warn him enough. A rebel cannot learn from teaching. He has to learn from impact, from experience. The younger children still at home, or the non-rebels, will often watch
the older rebel and notice the trouble they get into. It prevents them from doing the same thing. It looks downright uncomfortable to them. Others do not learn the lesson by observing life or reading the Bible. They have to feel it themselves. The rebel in the parable had to find out for himself.

Luk 15:11 And he said, A certain man had two sons:
Luk 15:12 And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.
Luk 15:13 And not many days after the younger son gathered all together, and took his journey into a far country, and there wasted his substance with riotous living.
Luk 15:14 And when he had spent all, there arose a mighty famine in that land; and he began to be in want.
Luk 15:15 And he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country; and he sent him into his fields to feed swine.
Luk 15:16 And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him.
Luk 15:17 And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father's have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!
Luk 15:18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and before thee,
Luk 15:19 And am no more worthy to be called thy son: make me as one of thy hired servants.
Luk 15:20 And he arose, and came to his father. But when he was yet a great way off, his father saw him, and had compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.
Luk 15:21 And the son said unto him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
Luk 15:22 But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet:
Luk 15:23 And bring hither the fatted calf, and kill it; and let us eat, and be merry:
Luk 15:24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found. And they began to be merry.
Luk 15:25 Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard musick and dancing.
Luk 15:26 And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant.
Luk 15:27 And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound.
Luk 15:28 And he was angry, and would not go in: therefore came his father out, and intreated him.
Luk 15:29 And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I at any time thy commandment: and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends:
Luk 15:30 But as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf.
Luk 15:31 And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine.
Luk 15:32 It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.



A parable is an earthly story with a heavenly meaning. One son represents repentance, and the father represents our Heavenly Fathers response to those who repent and come back into right living. Let us not be naive about this--the story tells how glad the father was to see his son, but shows clearly that when he was in the pig stye he was LOST and when he said "I have sinned," and came home, he was FOUND. Of course this makes the father happy.

He certainly would not have welcomed him with open arms if the son had come back wanting more money and brought his friends with him and continued in his riotous, wasteful life. Notice that the father celebrated the return of his son AFTER the son had said "I will go to my father and say I have sinned and am no longer worthy to be your son. Make me as one of your hired hands.."

Notice that the only reason the son came home was that he recognized that he had sinned against his father. Notice the feast was held after the son recognized his sin. It is the same when a person is converted. God and the angels don't rejoice over him before he repents and comes to Christ, but afterwards. Too often, the rebel; the prodigal wants recognition, acclaim, celebration and approval while he is IN his rebellion, and then, miffed that his family is not "warm" or "accepting," will create more trouble in the home.


Too often, ministers and counsellors want parents to appease the rebel and put on parties for him and take him shopping and make him feel better about himself. In the meantime, the rebel continues to disturb the family and ruin his relationship with his parents, with words that are not honoring. In this story, the father was filled with joy because his errant son had returned from living a wanton life, full of riot and waste, and had come to his senses. This is truly the way our Heavenly Father is: he loves us so much he rejoices when we are "found" and rescued out of our lostness. When prodigals return to their father, he welcomes them with open arms, but they must have put away the old life and not continue to be prodigals.

God has his arms reached out for the prodigal. Won't you give up your stubborn ways and come home? Your family is an earthly picture of the father and home. It is the place on earth to train children for heaven. Parents lay down the consequences for certain actions, and hold out their arms for the repentant child who wants to come home. If this lesson is not learned here on earth, it will be repeated on the day of judgement, where there will be no turning back and no second chance. Parents LOVE their children and do not desire their demise. That is why they put up with their outbursts and disturbances for so long. God was patient with Israel for so long but eventually he allowed other nations to discipline them. When we do not listen to our parents, we will find that God has other means of bringing us to our knees.

Jesus Provides a Rest

Home is Where the Heart is, (painting by Thomas Kinkade)

If there are those who are not parents, who are reading this blog, and find themselves in a situation that is contrary to God's law, I want you to know that Jesus provides a rest. He provides a rest from your sin, by providing you the avenue of repentance. It is a way out. His word states that there is no temptation presented to man that does not also have a door out of it. He told the woman at the well to go and "sin no more."

A lot of young people miss that, in their eagerness to show that Jesus did not condemn her. No, he didn't, but she was told to "sin no more." His message was: SIN NO MORE. Perhaps if she had rejected that message, the scriptures would have recorded that she brought condemnation again upon herself. He tells you, dear daughter or son, to SIN NO MORE. That is repentance. Once you feel the sorrow that you have laid on the Lord, and on your parents, you are motivated to repent.

Once you recognize that it is a black mark on your soul, and that you cannot get to heaven when you are living outside of God's will, you can understand repentance. It means to turn around and go back to Jesus, who provides rest for your soul.

Remember that the Prodigal son "came to his senses" and went home. He said "I have sinned" and he did not demand a special place in his home. He asked to be treated like a servant. He wanted to work. He accepted that he didn't deserve to be treated as a son. Sometimes I think people bend over backwards to make something of the story of the prodigal, that didn't happen at all. If you read it carefully, you will see that he did not insist that his father change and agree with his lifestyle, nor did he expect approval. He did not stay and argue that his father was a hypocrite, that he was intolerant. He went and wasted himself. It was only when he repented that he came home.


A typical rebel response to a parent who has reminded them of their soul's destination, is:


" I am going to live with my boyfriend. I know that he has lived with other women before me, and even has a child, but he has changed. You said you were hurt by my decision, but shouldn't you be happy for me? Don't you want me to be happy ?"

Happiness is something Jesus spoke of often, especially in the Beatitudes. To summarize it, people will be happy when they obey the Lord. The Proverbs talk of happiness as gaining wisdom, knowledge and understanding. A fool, it says, is lacking in these things. It says that a rod is for the back of fools. A fool is to be treated with instruction, and with discipline, not to be coddled and treated as though he was a victim.

Happiness is a big by-word these days. People use it to justify doing things outside of the will of God. They use it to justify dishonoring their parents. They use it to justify rebellion. Yet the kind of happiness that God promises is not based on selfishness, but on selfLESSness. We are not to be absorbed in feeling good, but in being good. The beatitudes teach that the person that will be happy will be the humble, the one who seeks after righteousness, and the one who is sorry for his sins. Every young person ought to write an essay on happiness, using all the scriptures he can find in the Bible, to show God's definition of happiness.


Too often, the young person acts as though he has to be guided by his own feelings of happiness. We cannot be guarded by that, but by the values of right and wrong contained in the precious word of God. For example, we are told to be busy. It might not feel like a lot of happiness, but it is obedience that will eventually bring about God's reward of happiness.


Yes, all parents want their daughters to be happy! What is happening here, though is counterfeit happiness, for all that will come of a sinful relationship and a rebellious heart, is more unhappiness. It might seem "fun" at the time, and it might make your heart beat for awhile, but it will not bring a lasting happiness. It will make you hate your parents and you will despise those who love you the most. Any relationship that will do that, is a counterfeit. Any time you are doing what is right in the eyes of God, you will gain approval from your parents.


Yes, your parents love you. That does not mean they approve of the things you do. The very fact that they plead with you to stop doing wrong, and enact Matthew 18, shows their sacrificial love for you. If they didn't care what you did, they wouldn't love you. Jesus cares what we do. He provides a rest. Why struggle trying to prove your point? You will carry a heavy spiritual and emotional burden for a long time, if you insist on making something seem right, when it is wrong. Why not turn your life over to Christ, repent of your sins, confessing Him as Lord, and be buried with him in baptism for the remission of sins? In doing this,you remove the terrible burden of sin that has weighted you down so long. When you obey the gospel, you are strengthened by Him who called you into His kingdom, which is his church. You are covered by his blood that was shed for you. You no longer will even want to be outside of his Will. You will have a strong desire to be good and pure.


Matthew 18 is part of the repenting process, for it is designed to make the erring one sorrowful. When he sees that people will not fellowship him, his heart will long for love. Knowing that the way to receive it is to repent, will motivate him to leave his sin and walk a new way. Jesus provides a rest.


The way a young person lives, affects everyone around him. Throw a pebble into a pond and watch the ripples come close to the shore. Would you say that when that rock was thrown in, it only affected the area in which it was thrown? To illustrate the far reaching tragedy of following your own happiness, let me illustrate with this story:


There once was a girl in a nice family, who developed a flirtation with a young man. Though she was taught to be cautious with her heart, she nonetheless thought she was in love with him, and became irresponsible. Her personality became haughty and unreasonable, yet she insisted she was "in love." Her behavior made everyone around her unhappy. There was another young man who had approached the parents and asked permission to date her. This young man had loved the girl for a long time, and had enough respect for the parents to consult them before asking the girl for a date or pursuing any kind of relationship with her. The other young man had no respect for the family, and didn't even tell them that she was going to move in with him and live with him. She moved in with him. She only wanted to be happy, but look at the number of people she made unhappy by what she did:

1. She grieved her parents, who had taught her differently.
2. She shocked her grandparents, who were in ill health anyway.
3. She caused great sorrow to her younger brother and sister still at home.
4. She hurt her own sister.
5. She hurt the former girlfriend of the man she moved in with.
6. She hurt what might have been her future husband, who would have married her and had not brought shame to the family.
7. She hurt her future children, by not giving them a father who would marry her and look after them.
8. She hurt the church members, who wanted to have her in their fellowship but were following Matthew 18.
9. She hurt Jesus Christ and crucified him again.
10. She hurt any future good influence she might have on anyone else, for the Lord.
11. If there are children, she will not be able to keep them at home, without a husband and provider, and will put them in daycare while she works.
12. Her parents will be aging and sometimes in ill health, will not be able to raise her children for her. The entire tragedy began with her heartless disregard for the wisdom, and knowledge of her parents and the authority of the scriptures. This lack of feeling will continue, as she chooses a future for her children that they have no control over.
13. When she repents, her life will begin to make more sense, and she will be blessed, and she will need to use her own life story as a warning to her children, to spare them the heartache of a bad beginning.

She unfeelingly turned against her parents and siblings, her own flesh and blood. She became intolerant of her own upbringing and intolerant of the Christian values that her parents spent so much time teaching her. She no longer accepted those standards and turned against them, and became hard-hearted. The Bible says that such people who turn away from the truth are "without feeling." The rebel is often without feeling, yet highly tuned in to his own feelings, looking for offense and fault against him, at every turn. Such is the way of the rebel.

But there is a way out: Jesus provides a rest. Anyone who wants to get rid of the conflict, can come to Christ, repenting of their sins. No matter how much they may attempt to make their behavior acceptable, it would still be a sin. The only way out is through Jesus, who provides a rest.

If you did obey the gospel when you were young, but you have strayed from the path of truth and righteous living, Jesus still provides a rest. You can never have rest or peace without doing His Will. You cannot live your own way and still have the blessings of Heaven. You cannot do your own will. When you become a Christian, you are the bride and Christ is the groom. The bride, the Christian, is in submission to Christ, not to the world.

Many times young girls think they will be in submission to no one. They end up living with someone and trying to please them, which is the same thing. It would be better to make things right with their parents and come away from what they are doing and determine to live right. That is repentance. When you are truly seeking God's will, and when you truly fear the consequences of your life, you will not let anything stop you from doing what is right. Sometimes you can get in a relationship that seems to have you trapped. If the guy you are living with is mature, he will understand your desire to follow Christ and do what is right. He will not try to make you feel obligated to stay with him and live in sin. If he truly loves you he will seek the approval of your parents rather than do things that he knows they do not like.

If you are yet to be convinced, sit down and read 1st and 2nd Corinthians. Dwell on it for awhile and think about it. Try to understand what Paul was trying to tell the Corinthians and how much he cared for their souls. Your parents are like that, too, for they watch for your soul.

"I Want to Live My Own Life."

The Rose Arbor, by Elenor Polen

Please note some new articles that will be helpful, here :
http://guardthehome.blogspot.com/2009/05/controlling-children.html

http://guardthehome.blogspot.com/2009/04/controlling-parents.html

http://guardthehome.blogspot.com/2009/04/jesus-provides-rest.html

Children, grown or not, have the same nature today as they have had from the beginning of time. That is one reason the Bible instructs parents to guide them and teach them. Their upbringing is not just for their childhood. They need to understand that we are doing it so that they will carry on these values into their adult life, and learn to train and teach their own children.

Some rebels think that now that their upbringing is "over" they can go out and do what everyone else is doing. They want to experience rebellion, worldly things that are dangerous, and sin. They want to disregard their parents teaching because they mistakenly think that it only applied in their childhood. They think they are now "free", but freedom comes when people are restraining themselves, not from unrestrained behaviour, guided by whims and desires. This is license, not freedom, and it will cause life to become even more restrictive than when parents were in charge.




We have reached a time in our nation when children rule our homes. It is not right, even if they are adult children, to allow them to disrespect their parents, either by the words they say, or by the way they live. Parents who have gone to the effort to instill good values in their children, should be respected.

Mrs. C said...
love your blog, and so pertinent to my situation now. i have a 23 y,o. daughter, who INSISTED she is in love, and moved in with the boyfriend against our wishes, stating "this is my life" blah blah blah. anyway, her life is spent working at a job she loathes, many,many hours. they are both decent and hardworking, but the living together situation is killing me and my husband.what can you do with such a hardheaded child?you cant "forbid' anything at this age,and i find it hard to be kind to the boyfriend, as he knows how we feel as well. i think if he REALLY loved her,he would think about our wishes, even if she doesn't.we did not raise our child to value herself so little, even when she was small, she was defiant as well.I sure could use some advice!!

My answer to Mrs. C. and anyone else that experiences this kind of thing:

You have my complete sympathy. If real love is the motivation between two people, they cannot hurt their parents in the process. We must return to the old paths, where the good walk is, and where there will be "rest" for our souls. (Jeremiah 6:16). If the man truly respected her, he would MARRY her. He has no respect for her. She does not see it because she has had her emotions tinkered with, both by herself and by him. She is not thinking straight.

The only advice I can offer is a Biblical one: have no fellowship with them. If they are shacking up, living in sin, or even associating without the blessing of the parents, you are not obligated to put up with it. What I mean, is that your association with them, eating with them, talking with them, etc. gives them a support system in their rebellion. If they know they have no approval, they may not continue in the relationship. If they have some kind of feeling of belonging and stability in your family, they will continue.

I think if you even allow them to come and eat or come to your house and hang out, they will just feel more comfortable with what they are doing. Do not expect support from anyone else though. Once you take a stand, it will seem like you are the bad guy, and you will be accused of everything from hypocrisy to judgementalism to a hate crime. However, we need more parents to take a stand, and with your daughter the age she is, that is the only thing that will work. If there are younger children still at home, the rebel provides continual doubt against their upbringing, against their parents. What is more, the rebel does not "come around," or change his life to conform to the family. He seems to be on a mission to change the family to fit his beliefs and his life style.

Maybe you think you cannot tell her what to do, but think about it: she can't tell you what to do, either, and so you are not obligated to cooperate with her by being approving and tolerant. You get to do what you want to do, also, and maybe you do not want to associate with people who are walking disorderly. Its time we quit letting these people push parents around. Parents own the home, and if they don't own it outright, they have more claim on the house and property than the grown child does. Therefore, they have a right to say what will, and what will not take place inside their own home. If they do not like the attitudes of grown children, they have a right and a duty to correct them or to limit the freedom of the unruly one in the home. No one has a right to trample on the right of the parents and the other children, with disturbance, noise, accusations, complaints, blow-ups and continual uncertainty. That is what we on this blog called "terrorism."

One danger a parent puts himself into when he accommodates this sin, is that they pollute their own selves in the process. In allowing fellowship, or friendly talk, or visits, you begin to become more at ease with the situation. You tolerate it. Pretty soon you don't even feel any different being married than they feel, living together. Soon there are no distinctions between the sinful behaviour and the righteous behaviour. You have to separate yourself from it.

Another reason to be separate ("Come ye out from among them, and be ye separate" Ezekiel 10:11, 11 Corinthians 6:17)) is that it ruins your own reputation as a mother and wife and homemaker. You send a message by the way you live. Others are observing this and wondering if they need to take a stand, also. Once you take a stand, and don't allow them to visit you, you will find people of like mind who want some example.

The home is sacred. That isn't just the house, it is the people in it. You should not allow people to come in and corrupt the values of the home. If you do, others can be badly influenced. They will think, "Mom and Pop let older sister live with her boyfriend, so when I grow up, I'm going to do the same thing." Even if the younger children are disgusted at the behaviour of older sis, there will come a time when they may be tempted by the same thing, and they will have a precedent set before them. This is not good. When the wayward couple enters the house or talks on the phone, or emails, they are spreading their influence. Just sitting in the house with you is spreading a belief, whether you know it or not.

There are some parents who will allow the wayward daughter or son to visit, but put the live-in boyfriend in a different room for the night. I don't believe they should even set foot in the house. The relationship is also the problem. If they are seeing each other without the blessings of the parents and there is something amiss between the parents and the boyfriend, they should not be even sitting in the living room holding hands or making eyes at each other.

The home is such a sacred place that no emotional disturbance from the grown "terrorists" should be allowed. As mothers get older, they don't need more turmoil. They dealt with that already, when raising their children. Now, she needs to be able to rest. The Proverb says, "Correct your son, and he will give you rest." It means that if you do not correct your children, they will continually cause a disturbance and an upheaval in your life. Even when they are adult children, they need correction. You might not be able to correct them in the same way as when they were children, but you can do this one thing: you can tell them that now that they are "grown up" and going their own way, without the approval of their parents, that you also are a FREE person, and your obligation to them is over.

You have a right to live your own life, and one thing you want is peace in your life and lack of conflict in your home. Therefore, you can't sleep at night if you accommodate their behaviour, and you would appreciate it if they would leave you out of their decision to shack up together, and not include you in their relationships. If, however, they want to come to their senses and either break up or get married, you will be happy to be a part of their lives. I guarantee if you tolerate this it will worry you to death. If you take a stand, you'll stand taller, be healthier, and even laugh.

Too often, the kids are still "ruling" the parents in what they do. When they live in sin, they want the parents to be there and be available, etc. But you can say "Now that I'm free, I want my freedom to make my own decisions, and my decisions are not based on what you want to do with your life. I have decided it isn't right, and further more, I do not like it. The way you are living does not cheer me up. It does not honor your parents and is not a credit to your upbringing. It does not make anyone happy but you. You want to be happy but you leave a trail of tears on your route to happiness, by the way you trample over the values of your family. The way you are living does not help anyone else do better in life. It does not inspire me to be a better mother. It isn't something that is a good example for me. How would you like it if I left your father and shacked up with someone? You say it is not the same, because I am married. Well, in a way, it is the same, because there was always a better way for you than the way you are choosing. "

"You want to live your own life? I want to live my own life, too, and it means that you cannot dictate to me what I will do, or how I respond to your shacking up with this boy. He is going in through the back door. He is not taking the time and effort to do the right thing. He is getting something for nothing. Therefore, you have no right to be offended if I reject him and if I refuse to fellowship either one of you. Remember, it is my choice, and my own life. Let me live it according to my own convictions, and do not dictate to me how to behave toward your living in sin situation."

The other thing is this:" When you decide to get married, there will be no wedding. Just run to the JP and get a piece of paper, and be done with it. Anyone shacks up first, deserves no wedding. If, however, you repent of this and truly want to do what is right, I MAY consider participating in a wedding. But, obviously, a wedding is not important to you right now. You are forfeiting your wedding. It is not a good example to younger women, and older women are to teach the younger women (Titus 2) to LOVE THEIR HUSBANDS. This boy is not your HUSBAND, so I won't be encouraging you to love him."

If you want to give a more emploring reason for your stand, take your daughter aside, grasp her hands and say: "You say you want to be happy. Don't you want me to be happy, too? Or, is it just your happiness that matters? Should you be happy while breaking other people's hearts? Is happiness more important than doing what is right? A man fallen in a ditch deserves to be brought out of it. We don't sympathize with him by crawling into the ditch and staying there. A woman can raise a man up to strong values, or she can allow him to bring her down. It just depends on her conduct.

"This is not just something happening in your life. It is affecting my life too. It makes me ill. It makes me nervous. I can't live with it. You will have to give me the space to be able to have a clear conscience. I have to have a clear conscience or I cannot sleep at night, eat , or function normally. I want to be the best wife and mother I can be. Will you help me? One way you can help me is to discontinue this sinful relationship. Another way you can help me is to leave me alone while you are shacking up with this boy. When he marries you, I will call him a man. Right now, though, I don't think he is worthy of marrying you. However, my way of life must not be dictated by you. I intend to remain as I always have, and with the beliefs I have. If you do not abide by them, you have to refrain from imposing those beliefs on me. You impose (force) them on me when you want me to approve of you and fellowship you. You can't have fellowship with me anymore, but when you have changed, you are in your right mind, you are welcome into my life."

Parents need to know that it is not just a matter of not approving the bad behavior. It also is a matter of allowing the the bad behavior to creep into your house and into your mind, in a way that will neutralize your thinking. You will become ineffective as a person and as an ambassdor for Christ, if you allow the unruly to rule your life and your home.

I refer to these adult children, rebels, as "terrorists," because of the unpredictable way in which they work. They have their parents emotions on a see-saw. They are unstable, attacking at unsuspecting moments, and then giving uneasy peace. If you want to be an effective parent, you cannot negotiate with terrorists. Adult children have to live by the standards of the family, not the standards they are influenced to live by in the rest of the world.

I would highly recommend a book by Barbara Johnson called "Stick a Geranium in Your Hat and Be Happy." It is about her saga with a rebellious son.

True Love

Have you ever thought what the greatest "love" relationship is?

I am sure you have, since Valentines Day is just around the corner. True love will lay its life down and sacrifice for another. True love fulfills their responsibility even when it is hard, "As unto the Lord" and does not run away from it. True love says, "Not my will but thine be done". This is the "greatest, Nobelist and purest form of love". It is the similar type of love your parents sacrificed for you or when soldiers including those in "The Force" of public service, lay their lives down for another... it is physically manifested.

God's love transcends all understanding especially by today's Feminist's. The type of love which gives up career and self fulfillment in order to lay it down for a child entrusted to them or their "own" family is difficult for them to comprehend. It is hard for those who are self absorbed, self serving to understand sacrificial love. They say words like "get a life" or "you should have fulfilled yourself" or "you see, you are just wasting your time being co-dependent and can't let go". How sad that is for those who do not understand the kind of love Jesus sacrificed for us. They would have said the same to Him. For He NEVER lets us go once we are His.

Jesus tells us the story of the lost sheep and how the good Shepard left the ninety-nine to go after just the one. The world would consider this foolishness, co-dependency and dysfunctional. They would say, "you've got enough under your charge, stop being so consumed, controlling and let that sheep have it's own life!". Yet Jesus never did. His analogy of how God the Father interacts with human beings shows us what true love really is. God the Father is consumed with His children both young and old alike. He went after "the one" He loved and was not moved by the prevailing culture or how society views relationships.

If God were being judged by "Today's Modern Society" as the example of a true father, he would be considered extremely controlling, co-dependent and dysfunctional.

This is the error the world makes...They DO NOT understand "Love"

God does not take sin lightly and expects His children of "all ages" to submit to Him as their Father and authority even if they don't like it. He wants them to honor him, obey him no matter what, even if they feel misunderstood, "cloistered in" or their life is not as they hoped. His boundaries are set for our protection as He sees beyond our comprehension. He does not accept excuses for rebellion, slander of His parenting skills or disloyalty in the camp. He does not follow opinion polls pulling His daughters far away from home to ministry, that override Him or usurp His authority no matter how sym "pathetic" they may sound. When things were difficult, He would expect His children to be there, trusting that all things would work together for their good as they learned to love Him and are called according to His purpose as "adopted" children. The Lord would not support His sons or daughters taking matters into their own hands or going back to their former father of the world even if they were unhappy. He would still call them back to Him.

You may say, "but my Mom and dad are NOT God, they have not been all that I hoped".

I will answer, "this is absolutely true" and than I will ask you..." are you all that your parents hoped you to be in the way you honored or obeyed them? Was God taken by surprise in the parents He chose for you? Do you think He knew your father or mother were not going to be perfect, that they would make mistakes and maybe even hurt you? Do you think you have done or will do better? Do you believe you will never make mistakes when you are married, never to hurt your spouse or children...even if it was unintentional or perceived wrong? Will you need forgiveness or God's grace to you by those you love?

Dear one...the Lord says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". That means "ALL" including every mother or father on this earth not just yours!

True love understands this. In God's amazing plan, He made provisions even for the imperfect parent to be honored, submitted biblically to by sons and daughters of every age, not just until they turn 18. Until a father's authority is transferred through marriage or a son is appointed by the father these are the Commandments of God. Though the dynamics of their relationship changes, parents are still be honored throughout life.

Are you still "keeping a record of wrongs" from your upbringing? Are you trusting God to work His very best plan for you through the parents He chose to raise you? Have you thought what you have learned and how much you have grown as a result? Have you forgiven?

If not, than God's word says you will not be forgiven.

Where is "True Love" for your father, your mother, your sister or brother? I am NOT just speaking to just youth here but to adults too! I have heard that turmoil in ones life may be traced back to how much we honored our own parents. This is not to say that anything specifically happening in your life right now is a direct result of dishonoring or breaking your parents heart. But prayerfully look back and carefully consider your own relationship with them. Is it "well with you" like God promises to those who keep the Fifth Commandment? Or is it only "well" because your parents were gracious enough to forgive you in spite of your behavior?

Have you humbled yourself, sincerely gone back to ask them to forgive you for your part? Are you still keeping secret sin because you are too proud to admit your wrong, a failure or full of fear? Have you thought how this is hindering God's blessings in your life? Being a grown adult or under another authority through marriage is not an excuse to ignore past sin or dishonor your parents no matter how many years have passed.

This Valentine's Day, I encourage you to honestly think about how much you love your family. Not just the ones in your life through marriage but those parents given to raise you including your siblings as a reflective barometer of how much you love God. I want you to ask yourself if you are willing to humble yourself, trusting Jesus to work all things together for your good as you submit to His plan of choosing "your parents" to raise "you" and to be your authority.

How much do your understand what sacrificial love really is? Not the kind that gives unconditionally for a while, maybe even years, than gives up when things don't change. But the "True Love" that remains constant, faithful and loyal no matter what. The kind of love that never fails. I pray you continue to grow in this type of love... to love your family by coming home to God through repentance. If you are not right with your parents or your family, ask them to forgive you. Humble yourself and admit your failings then serve them as unto the Lord under your father direction or if married through your husband's leadership, trusting God made no mistakes in choosing them just for you.

It is amazing how much grace the Lord gives parents to forgive their sons or daughters when they are sincerely broken and reverent. Many times parents already sensed something was wrong and were just waiting for their children to finally grow up and show mature accountability.

Now be thankful! You became the wonderful person you are with all the intricate levels of lessons learned because of your family, chosen just for you!

When you humble yourself before your parents or your family, you will be blessed beyond measure and reconciled with God. His grace will pour out on everything you do. You will see many doors open you thought were closed and the desires of your heart will have chance to finally take root. Then the grace of God pour out to helping you to reconcile all your relationships in a way you never thought possible. You will be crowned with a peace that passes all understanding, radiating and reigning in your heart! Then you will find what "True Love" really means.

Opie and the Spoiled Kid

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=opie+and+the+spoiled+kid&search_type=

This is part of the Andy Griffeth Series. It will do your heart good to see how sensible people looked at spoiled children and the results of modern methods of child rearing! Ihave the series at home and hope you can watch the entire episode on this link. If they could, the state agencies and psychologists would get ahold of this and ban it. If this were broadcast today, I don't know what would happen. I found the comments on the utube comments beneath the video clip very good and they show what people are really thinking about wayward youth today.


Here are some of the comments:


of course, these days the father of the brat wouldn't back down. First he'd sue the sheriff, then try to get the legislature to impeach him.

thought this was one the best episodes. That brat deserved a spanking ...If that kid was not disciplined (continued living in fantasy world) he would be serving time in jail and doing community service for the next 30+ years.I wonder if that brat was Rosemary's Baby?

The BEST episode!!! Right now in the year 2008, there are alot of KIDS and PARENTS that need to be taken out to the wood shed.When ADULTS stick together, CHILDREN can't get away with so much. But as you can see in today's society, the kids are doing what .... they want. That's why we have more kids carrying cell phones to school and no book bags!When used properly, there's nothing wrong with spanking. If you don't think so, look at this video AGAIN!!

Cool, a whole episode in 5 min. now I have time to do some wash. Funny thing, when our society had more woodsheds, we had a lot less disciplinary problems. Spare the rod, spoil the child.



A poem written when the wacky ideas of psychology began to show their face in America, that has more impact if you read it aloud to your children.

Grandpa’s Child Psychology

Junior bit the meter man, Junior bit the cook, Junior’s anti-social now (according to the book).
Junior smashed the clock and lamp, Junior hacked the tree, (Destructive trends are treated in chapters 2 and 3)
Junior threw his milk at Mom. Junior screamed for more, (Notes on self assertiveness are found in chapter 4).
Junior tossed his shoes and socks out into the rain, (Negation -- that is normal -- disregard the strain).
Junior set Dad’s shirt afire, whittled Grandpa’s pine, (That’s to gain attention, see page 89).
Grandpa seized a slipper, and yanked Junior across his knee, (He’s read nothing but the Bible since 1933). -- selected

"Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him."(Prov. 22:15)

For Youth at Home: Who Really Controls You?

Parents should not be fooled by the claim that their young lady or young man at home is isolated and without communication from the world. This is simply untrue. I grew up in a wilderness area, with homesteader and pioneer type parents, and our lives were always busy with other people. The only time we were really isolated was when we were snowed in or sick. Having homeschooled my children clear through high school, I can tell you frankly we were not home as much as we would have liked.

Sometimes the children got tired of having to go somewhere else for something we needed to do or learn and begged to stay home. "Can we just stay home today?" they would ask, first thing in the morning. However, I suppose when this truth becomes known, the doctors and therapists who are suspicious of home education, will conclude that all colds, flue, tiredness, etc. will be a result of too much running around and not enough confinement to a desk at a school.

The fact is, that most homeschoolers have cars and access to the world outside the home, and use it freely. The homeschooled students are even less isolated than their public school counterparts who are inside of the school campus during school hours and home doing homework after school hours.

Homeschool children are not the isolated people that many doctors and psychologists claim. Yet there are people who will believe these so called experts when they say that every illness comes from isolation or parental control. This is simply not proven, nor is it researchable to a satisfactory level.In order to prove it, every homeschooler in the country would have to be interviewed. These conclusions seem to be only after seeing those homeschool children who have to go to the doctor, and does not seem to include the vast majority of homeschoolers who are healthy and happy at home. In order to be fair, these doctors need to interview all the healthy and happy homeschoolers, too.

There are several ministries which I will label only by initials,which once claimed the Bible teaching about parents being the teachers and trainers of their own children, and children honoring the parents and willingly complying with the family for their own good and protection. The SMD, IBLP , JD and NGJ ministries have all reneged on this and are now following the words and beliefs of psychology instead. Having no ready scriptural answers to prodigals, they try to find other reasons for their behavior other than the rebellion that Proverbs talks about. Our answers can all be found in the Bible, but having a scarce knowledge of the scriptures and lacking the heart to put them into practice, many ministers turn to psychology.

The ministers in these ministries would all deny that they use psychology, however, there are key words that show a strong influence of psychology: abuse, and damage, dysfunctional, and enmeshing among many others. Words like this are suspiciously familiar in the legal industry, from the court appointed counsellors to the lawyers and judges. Psychological "abuse" and "damage" are now being accepted as evidence in courts. Parents need to be really wary, because such accusations, even if they do not lead to the courtroom, will certainly steal the proper identity of parents and their rightful roles.

Sometimes parents just need a little reinforcement from church and will ask the minister to counsel their son or daughter. The minister then turns against the parents, and recruits the son or daughter into their ministry, where they put them to work without pay, in some capacity in a youth center. Everything from washing dishes to sweeping floors is considered ministry, so they get a lot of free help from these children. During their time there, they are taught more and more that their parents are sick or too controlling and therefore they should not go home. Parents more often than not are not even informed as to what is going on. I personally know some of these people and have confronted the ministers themselves, who have always been very cleverly evasive on the issue.

This language has also entered the churches and ministries via the training manuals and courses that ministers study in order to become counsellors. It was sad to see that many churches now hire preachers on the basis of their degree, rather than on their soundness in scriptural knowledge. A degree almost always means that a course in psychology has been taken, and it is this kind of belief system that these ministers bring into their lives and the lives of others. Psychology, the study of human behavior, at first glance, may sound quite logical, but when compared to the scriptures, it can be shown as robbing the proper authorities of their rightful domains. One example is their tendency to take over realms of life that do not belong to them.

The roots of psychology claim that any problems people have are a result of their parents and their disadvantaged childhoods. These teachings take away the entire meaning of parenthood and give power to the children to do as they feel, because, after all, feelings are more important than principles, and happiness reigns over doing what is right. These ministries have bought into this psychology because they have not been effective, and are looking for ways to retrieve youth without losing their following.

Many of these ministries are tied into the state youth detentions centers, where it is advantageous to keep youth in a perpetually troubled or rebellious condition, in order to justify having them there and to insure continued funding, much like the way public schools get their funding through the numbers of students and the length of time they are there. I have no objection to Christians being involved in redeeming wayward youth, or preachers preaching the gospel to the lost, but their involvement in these detention centers, often called "ministries" has taken a completely different turn which has caused too much heartache in homes.

One particular ministry has an online newsletter and message board where they constantly discuss atrocities that the Bible says should only be talked about "in the dark." Their online publication makes tabloids look pure. This ministry is obsessed with carnal, fleshly things that people do not even talk about in mixed company. They keep people hyped up about parents and they claim to be rescuing children from abusve parents. I have seen true abuse in drug infested homes, where the neighbors will bring in the government authorities to remove the kids or put the abusive parents in prison. These abused children exhibit completely different attitudes than those whose parents have been falsely accused. Many of the parents are falsely accused, and yet no charges were made. Still, it has had a profound impact on the father's businesses or the mother's reputations in their local communities. Once the label "abusive" or "controlling" has been levelled at a parent, the stigma is difficult to get removed. It deflates the impact of the family.

The ministries that automatically accuse parents of abuse if they have any kind of trouble with their children, are in error if they do not call the police. If they truly feel that the parents are illegally abusive e, they ought to call the proper authorities, which are also Biblicly ordained ministries, according to Romans 13 verses 3 through 5.

If these religious ministers truly believe that parents are conducting themselves unlawfully, they need to call in the rightful ministers of the government rather than taking matters into their own hands by maligning the parents and putting the children in so called "ministries" or turning then to further rebellion. It is simply not scriptural to let parents get away with something illegal while supposedly rescuing the kids. These ministries have no business claiming that the parents are "abusive" while not levelling legal charges at them. My suspicion, from what I have seen, is that there is no abuse going on but the ministries side with the rebels so that they can use them in their ministries. It is free unpaid labor for them.

The reason I write about this is that many nice parents who trust ministers, thinking they have some wisdom (after all they are suppose to have studied the Bible) find themselves in worse trouble. They trust these ministries and they never see their children again. Some of them send them to a ministry for just minor problems, to help them grow, and then the ministry accused the parents of "abuse" and never encourages the children to return home.

I have written many articles in the past to show how effective parenting used to be before the psychologists took over child-rearing. Later, people like Dr. Spock publicly admitted his teachings and his books had done more harm than good to parents, by taking away their authority and substituting ineffective psychological techniques. The Bible says children are to obey and honor their parents. It is not always fair, but wise parents of old would tell their children "I know it is not fair, but I am the parent. When you are a parent, you can be the guide and authority." This gave us, as children, a hope of being promoted.

When I have more time I will write about how effective the old paths of parenting were. They were in fact, so effective, that parents did not even have to consult a ministry for help with a rebel.

Be careful of the ministries you put your trust in. Just trust in God and read the Bible. Like Dr. Spock, these ministries will eventually have to make some public statements regarding their error.

For the children at home with complaints, you have to take a good look at who is really controlling you. You might say you do not want your parents to control your life, but if you reject their care and protection, you end up being controlled by someone else. The army will certainly control your life if you join it. A ministry has more restriction and control than even a home. In any institution, your choices will be extremely limited and your individuality, although lauded and promoted through their shiny brochures, will be severely diminished, as they really want you to blend in more with "the group". Even college and careers have more control over people than the average home.

Homes operate under a lot more freedom and leniency than man made institutions. As for control, it is the job of parents to teach their children how to control themselves, and they do this by placing limitations on freedom until the child has shown responsibility.

The girl who complains that her parents wont let her go anywhere, is not admitting that she took off on her own in the middle of the night, when she climbed out the window. This caused her parents to put restrictions on her, not because they hated her or were "controlling" but because they were doing their job of protecting her and teachingher how to use her freedom responsibly.

The young boy whose parents restricted his use of the automobile, did not tell the whole story, preferring instead to make others think his parents were bad old meanies without any sense. They restricted him because of careless driving and an incident that involved putting the lives of others in danger. They restricted him because he used the car to go somewhere he had no business going, and because he had people in his car he was not supposed to be driving.

Both the boy and the girl were guilty of gossipping about their parents to their friends and neighbors and were consequently restricted from communications of phones and the net. They subsequently reported that their parents had locked them in their rooms and would not let them use the internet. In truth, bedrooms have locks on the inside of the doors, not on the outside, so if these arrogant children were locked in, they most likely locked their doors to keep their parents out.

These are just two samples of the whole story behind the problems of youth. Most of the time you hear only one side of things because the children are busy verbally covering themselves by accusing the parents of being abusive or controlling. In actual fact, girls, when you sneak out the window, someone or something else is controlling you. The lure of parties and other people and night life can be very strong and it is controlling, indeed!

Young people, you should know that Satan hates families and will reign with confusion and arguing in order to get you to reject your parents and family. You should also know that relatives of nice families are always looking for ways to break it all up because they are jealous or because they think your parents are too strict or too extreme. Beware of all these tactics and stay where the Lord put you. You will be glad in later years that you dont have a "past" to overcome or explain, or that you dont have to go back and make it right with your parents when you get in your right mind.

Love Conquers All

(An excellent article contributed by Country Victorian)

Are you a parent who has tried and tried to reach your youth with "sound" reason and scripture? You thought your words would have knocked down the walls of Jericho, they were so powerful. Why are these rebels still standing strong, refusing to listen? Have you blown your horn wisely? Has the shattered pitcher really been heard? Many times the problem goes far beyond what is understood and your troubled youth may have been indoctrinated in ways that you may not have thought of. You may be dealing with a completely different element, one that needs to be seriously considered.

There are many groups out there vying for your son or daughter’s affections using psychological cult like techniques in the “name of the Lord”. If this happens to you, the greatest act of defense is to break down their offense with love. How simple that sounds yet so hard to apply especially when you have a young button buck trying to push yours. He may ram his forkhorns accusing you with horrible accusations and wrong doings. He may even say that you “cursed him” while growing up when all you did was try to wisely guide and help him avoid mishaps. How then do you love one who seems to hate you, purposely slanders or threatens you with split hooves to match his thinking? It takes great inner fortitude to stop your bow from releasing a few flaming arrows back.

Constant attacks from a sniffling young adult in overgrown diapers, implying their twenty- something years of inexperience can rule your home, is sometimes hard to endure. This act alone has pushed many mature saints over the edge of reason.

That is when love wins the day. This is not a rejoicing or overlooking of evil type of love but responding calmly, in kind returning a blessing for their rudeness. This strategy is NOT for every circumstance of rebellion. Many youth are reachable with loving, scriptural truth with a home life that lives in harmony. I am speaking about youth who were taken in by cult like techniques that are so brainwashed their personality is unrecognizable with unfamiliar jargon and behavior.

In cases like these, one must love them back home. You must keep your relationship with your husband solid. Focus on ways to be the woman God called you to be, honoring the father of the house, loving him, serving him and overlooking his faults. Let your children be blessed with a mother who shows reverence and affection to their f ather. Make your home so warm and inviting that everyone feels it.

Find ways to keep your household a happy one with meaningful memories, games, and focused attention. Pour out special words of praise, calm music and warm meals. Keep your heart light and filled with God’s grace. Make your domain filled with savory smells that embrace everyone who enters in. Light a scented candle to bring in good feelings in between meals. Find ways to keep your household glowing, overflowing with happiness. Reach out to others without neglecting your first priority. That will energize you, dispelling the darkness of discouragement.

When your rebel comes a calling, then pour the love on with a hug of words. Memorize 1 Corinthians 13 and live it out! When they hear your kind uplifting voice, the happy sounds of their family and see a joyfully ordered household withstanding the storms of their flash flood moods, they will begin to feel like the Grinch who stole Christmas. The pull of their heart between the two contrasting worlds will begin to reveal what they are missing.

When they lash out in their miserable state, you respond back with only love, as it will heap coals on their unprotected heads. It is amazing how that will torment them later when they are off on their own or running with their stale mates and substitute family.

In time they may begin to wonder what is wrong with them, to give up such a wonderful family for the rotten eggs they scrambled together for friends.

I do want to add, that I am not referring to overlooking issues of rebels who are tormenting their brothers or sisters. These most vulnerable one’s who honor you at home, need your safe refuge and protection. Ignoring abusive treatment of a rebel will only backfire on you later. These dear one’s who love you at home, will not forget how you intervened in their behalf. They will not become embittered towards you if step in to protect them. You will find your team strong and well equipped for the battle if you do. Remember, it is your responsibility to come to their aide. Part of the definition of a parent, “parentis” is to protect.

It is a fine balance to walk and if love can become your first and foremost ambition, you have won the greatest battle. Love can bring down the hardest heart and restore the years that the locusts have eaten away. In the meantime, make it your aim to love those who are faithful at home.

Pour out such a blessing they will not have room enough to contain it. Make them glad they have you for their “parentis” and in the end they will become a great comfort and joy. Your faithful family will become your strong tower, the wall of defense, your greatest ally and true strength.

Love conquers all. Your home will be preserved with the remaining remnant, drawing back those God brings home.

These three remain...faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is Love.


(The editor of this piece has such a giving spirit. Parents should increase their spiritual stamina by becoming even more loving and giving in the home, and become even more joyful than they feel. They will need to behave more maturely than the child who is giving them trouble. They will need to be an example to him.)

Saving Your Sons and Daughters from Ministries of Big Grief

There are many big ministries out there, which are becoming known as
Big Grief" ministries. It creates so much confusion between the parents and the children, between the ministries and the parents, that soon everyone just gives up. They quit trying to get their sons and daughters out of these ministries. They think they have been there long enough, have noticed they are more hostile to their families than ever (they got worse, not better, after they were sent to ministers or ministries) but the ministers use put-down words like "abusive" or "irresponsible" or "controlling" and the parents back down. They are even told, "The more you try to contact your daughters, the more pressure they feel and the worse it will be." It is all a plan.

The Big Grief Ministries are in cahoots with the state, and receive thousands of dollars from the state, to "help troubled youth." In the process of "helping" them, they are given psychological evaluation, based on Freudian psychology (the belief that all problems are a result of childhood), and it is always determined that the son or daughter is "abused" or that the parents are "irresponsible." Those nice young ladies who just go to the Big Grief ministries to work with troubled youth, and who have done nothing wrong, will read a book whilst there, and decided that they, also, come from a "troubled home."

The ministry that I am talking about is state funded, so it has the law on its side. You can send a trouled young adult there and never see him again, because he will be subject to psychological evaluation, and it will always be determined that the parents were unfit, or irresponsible, in spite of the fact that the parents were looking for help for their child.

This post is somewhat coded, because of some serious things that are happening regarding efforts to get this ministry to release someone's child. The daughter got into this ministry and quickly turned against everyone who loved her: her friends, her parents, all her acquaintances and even relatives. She is being monitored on the phone when her parents call her, by a "spiritual counsellor" who believes the parents are "abusive." She is being encouraged to dishonor her parents and turn against them. Her personality is changed. The youth center she is in, is hostile to the parents and does not encourage communication, claiming it is "harrassment"or "pressure."

I recently read Alec Baldwin's book called "A Promise to Ourselves" in which he outlined some of the behaviour of an alienated child. One of the things that the alienating party (the other parent, the ministry, anyone who is turning the child against the parents) will do is claim "harrassment" when the targeted parent wants to visit or call. They call it "harrassment."

If you are having trouble with your adult or teen child, please do not be tempted to put him in a camp or a ministry. It will get worse for him or for you. Parents have more in them than they realize. I have lots of articles here that help the parents have confidence and courage. If you are thinking of enrolling them in some kind of character studies with a big grief ministry, please don't. Your children need you; they do not need to be in any kind of program.

If you see someone in such a ministry, whether they are outside handing out tracts on the street, or visiting the church in a youth groupd (whether it be a singing group or teaching group), or if you know of a religous youth center near you, go and talk to these kids. Tell them to call their parents and offer to make the call yourself. Tell them their mothers miss them and need them. Many of these kids have been gone for several years into ministries that the parents thought would only last a few months. Remind all high-powered preachers to lay off the young men and women and tell them to get married and have children and get a house. They will do the local church far more good that way, than in a ministry.

If your son or daughter is away in a training camp or training for some kind of teaching or counselling in a place for troubled youth, do not wait around for things to change. At first, you may think it will work itself out, and they will come home in time. You need to get them home at first, instead of at last. If you wait too long, they will turn against you and so will the staff. Captilize on those first few weeks when the son or daughter is not adjusting to the situation, and will more likely come home, but give them a really good motivation. Tell them they are needed for ministry at home, and alert them to the things that need to be done locally. Parents are now regretting they sent their children to help in these ministries, as they cannot get them back.

Happy at Home

This is one of the answers to the questionairre that was sent to young women who were happy at home. I think everyone will just love these answers.

1. What things did you like about your home, when growing up?
My Family, the times when everyone was home and busy doing whatever they liked to do best. I liked the freedom of our home life.


2. What sort of things did you miss when you left home?
Oh, just about everything!

3. When a teenager, why did you not want to leave home, like other young women?

I would have been crushed out there in the world, probably in a very short time. I was protected in my home and family life. I was glad for that protection. I didn't care to go out and experience a single lifestyle. I didn't want to be influenced by people that may not have wisdom, I didn't want to be pressured to do things that I was uncomfortable with, I didn't want to be made to feel ashamed of who I was or what I was like by the world. I knew there were people out there who were waiting to knock me down. Why would I want to throw myself to the lions voluntarily???

4. What did you do with yourself at home?
Just about everything... I cooked, I sewed, I had my own business, I gardened, I helped teach a class at church, I wrote my own newspaper, I tried to take over my younger brother's education at one point, and I played the piano.

When I was 13 years old, I desperately wanted some rubber stamps from the Personal Stamp Exchange catalog. When I showed the order to my dad, he balked at the $100 total. He said "I'll buy these for you, but you have to use them to make money, to start a business." $100 was a LOT of money for my family. But I (of course) said I would. And I did... I made a catalog and put little samples in it, and sold stationery to friends and relatives. I sold Christmas cards and Valentine's Day cards. I ran the business for maybe 5 years?

I was keenly aware that I owed my dad a million dollars for all the times I "borrowed" money from him. I was determined when I was older that I wanted to pay for my own personal expenses. The little business, along with some sewing projects to sell, paid for my own little necessities-- my own makeup and hair items, for instance, and some of my own clothes.
My dad was always in business for himself, and my mother sometimes took some of her handwork to sell, and I think it made a big impression on me. I still think of things all the time that I could potentially turn into a business. I must make a million dollars a week! But I have other things to attend to now that are more important.

I believe that no girl should be at home being idle. Nor should she be out and about being idle! When I was at home, I was cooking meals for my family, and helping my mom or dad with whatever they needed me for. I grew a small garden to suppliment the family groceries. If I was still single today, I think I would most likely be a full-time secretary for my dad. And with the opportunites online, I would no doubt have an etsy shop or an ebay store. I might have also been tempted to take on one of those home businesses, like Pampered Chef or the scrapbook/rubber stamp company, though that kind of thing takes a lot of time.

I did not go out to work at Walmart as some people urged me. I did have a job offer once from a regional newspaper, to write for their young people's column. I was uncomfortable with the information I was given about the meetings: first of all they were held at the same time one of our church services was, and second of all, the editors seemed to have come down to the level of a teenager in addressing their new columnists, and I thought it was undignified. I didn't want to go to their meetings and be called stiff or strait-laced, and be tempted to start fooling around to be accepted. I was in quite a bit of distress about it, and I remember crying as I told my parents that I wanted to quit before I had fairly begun. I thought they would be mad at me and make me go through with it! I remember my dad saying something like "Why no! You don't have to do it if you don't want to." Since I had no pressure at home to go out to work in the world, and the confidence of my family that I was doing well enough on my own for things to do, it made my life a lot easier.

(And when you are in the habit of cooking for your family, and doing things for and with them, they should feel like they can't spare you. Which makes me wonder why they were so glad when I got married at 19? I already told dad that I wanted to stay at home until I was 26!)
There are a lot of pressures on young ladies who want to stay home. People worry about you, even if they barely know you, at that age. They look at you when you are 17 and want to know all of your future plans. Watch out if you dont' have any. SOmeone is always ready to make a suggestion that they think ought to be followed. You need a confident answer, followed up with some proof. Maybe even a bit of counter pressure yourself for the nosy person to buy your product, buy your book, subscribe to your publication, visit your website, attend one of your classes, etc. "I have a business making _______." "I have started a service doing __________." Of course, after a while they want to know (constantly) if you are planning on doing this your whole life, or if you ever considered goign to college, or dating their nephew, etc. In this case the response should be "Why, I'm making so much money/ having so much fun with my such and such business, why would I want to quit???"
If you simply want to stay home to serve your family, that is great, but I think every girl should at least have a hobby that she could teach to someone else, or have some small thing to take to market. If anything, I think it helps girls to be able to give an answer to these nosy people who think they are throwing their life away, or loafing around mooching off the folks at home.

For those who do not have the marketing ambition, I think that in being kind and of service to others, in such a way as you make a void that cannot be filled by any other should you leave, would give you such a reputation that people would say "what will we do if she ever goes to college/gets a job at kmart/leaves town?" I heard of a woman who, after she moved away to a different town, left such a void that one church member said "it took thirty of us to fill her shoes." Such people do not strike us as having a need to go to college, etc. If you are doing nothing and have nothing to show for it (which would logically be the case if you were doing nothing) then who cares that you do not desire to go to college or work at walmart; people see you have nothing better to do and of course they are going to bother you. You have to take charge of your life so that strangers do not get the notion that you need them to take charge of it. If you show them how busy you are: "I am taking a basket over to Mrs. Hill, who is sick; and then on Thursday I am going to clean widow Smith's house as she fell and broke her hip, and then on Friday I am going to prepare for the young ladies' tea party I am planning for Saturday, and then of course I have my Bible class on Sunday. Would you like to help me visit today? Or would you like to come over while I am canning my produce next week and help with that?" I'll bet they will leave you alone!

5. Were you confident you would get married? Why?
I was confident that I would get married. I was rather surprised though that so many people were secretly worried about me, whether or not I would ever find a fellow. I just thought one would show up at church. I guess with all the books and movies I grew up with, in which everyone got married, and all the people around me who got married, and why, my own parents got married, that it was just a normal thing that happens to everyone. Doesn't it?

6. Why do you think young women rebel?

Discontentment for one reason or another. Lack of purpose. Not being satisfied with who they are, who their family is, not being satisfied with what God gave them. Personally, I believe rock music has a lot to do with young people's rebellion. Once that is started, it gets a strong foothold that is difficult for people to overcome. Lack of confidence in what they are doing.

There are friends or co-workers who wear young women down in their insults on their families, beliefs, ways of life, etc. If young ladies aren't confident in themselves, feel embarrased about themselves or their families, think that they need to imitate other people to be more accepted with a certain group, then it is my opinion that they are going to be more tempted to change in their personalities to please other people. Something that formerly a young lady found pleasure in now seems stupid and she is embarrased because someone has ridiculed it, and so she will try to change to be above someone's ignorant ridicule.

There are folks out there who love to change young people- to have a sway over their decisions, to "take them under their wing" and guide their lives in a way that they think is best for the person, not regarding their family or friends. They think that they are improving the quality of a young person's life, and lead them to believe that their family has neglected them. If a young person seems to lack direction and purpose, they are prime targets for this type. If we are not confident and comfortable being who we are, we are more vulnerable to be blown about by every new long-winded influence that comes into our lives.


7. Why are young women needed at home more than colleges and ministries and careers?

I guess the question is, are they needed at home? Are they needed in their local congregation? Are they needed in their neighborhoods, in their communities? Are they needed to help their families? Their elderly relatives? Are there needs that they can fill that are being ignored by all the other young women? Ministries do not help young women get married, bring up children, or have happy home lives. They may keep house while in such a ministry, but it is not the same as managing a home by yourself.

If a young lady is adrift, wondering what to do with your life, and is tempted to spend money and years of your life at college, at a career, at a ministry abroad, she might ask herself the above questions, and perhaps save thousands of dollars.

My opinion of college: If colleges were just places for diving into a subject and learning it deeply and intensely, then I could see the purpose. But so many colleges are much more than that, they are there to screw your thinking up and have you pay them to do it.

I think many young girls go to college because it is the trend to go to college. I think a lot of people have no idea what they want to do with their life, and so they go and spend four years at a college hoping that they will be hit with a revelation of which direction they should head in their careers.

That thinking has become so prevalent that few think of someone wanting to skip college and get married and have children as an option.
But I am not without sympathy; I feel that perhaps some people have a good reason to go to a college. For instance, if you are poor and an orphan, and you are working under the sawmill shoveling sawdust into a furnace, and you would rather be trained as a professional musician, than by all means go and take a class.

If you find yourself needing to support your aging widowed father who is in a wheelchair, and have tried but can find no other way to get a better living, then go and be trained as a whatever. I can understand it if your purpose is honorable and you are taking care of your family. But you have to admit that is a very rare situation.

And why does a young woman, if she finds herself in these dire straits, need to go so far away from home to attend college? To run halfway across the country or the world to get a secular education, far from the comforts of home, that might get you a minimum wage job at mcdonalds for a year--- is it worth it? If you are inclined to go to some place to get an education, can you first find a way to do it at home? You might save a lot of money that way:) There are many community colleges around, and you can take a class or a number of classes, if you absolutely had to. Even so, they are secular places that might not be a good experience for a young Christian woman.

I am not ignorant, I do realize that there are certain jobs and professions that require a degree. But not all of them do. If I was still 18, I would ask you, "and if they did require a degree, what is that to me? My chosen field is my own field, where my house and my family and my garden sits, and I am going to be a wife and mother. " If I had had the money it takes to go to college, I would certainly have set myself up in my own business, or invested with my family in a family business, and do something that benefited me and made me happy.

Nor am I without exposure to a college. I attended a college course once, after I was married, for a term in music. It was at a small community college. I was the youngest person in a room full of retirees. It only cost me $54.00. There was no degree, and nothing to take away except more knowledge to help me read my music a little better. Most young people would scorn that sort of class. Most would say it is useless for making a career and earning a living. Yet if I had wanted to, I could have taken in piano students for fifteen dollars an hour.

College is not a "limited time only" opportunity. My piano teacher went to college when she was 60 years old. It is not as if you will never ever have the opportunity to go to college if you do not do it at 18. It probably would be better to do it at sixty years old anyway, But still, is it an eternal necessity?

Now for missions: Have you first been a missionary to your family, your friends, your neighborhood, your county, your country? The harvest is ripe everywhere. Are you going with your family, or with a group of young people? Would your family, your parents and younger siblings, be welcome in this group? We as a church certainly appreciate help wherever we are, but I think a young woman should be sure that she is not using ministry as an excuse to run away from home. Will this experience make you discontent with your home life, with your home congregation, and thus render you useless to your local church? A lot of times mission work can be so exciting, that the home church seems dull, and instead of using that zeal to help the church when at home, a young person will pout and complain that "nothing is going on" at home.

Here again, the same thing I said above applies to missions: it is not a limited-time-only opportunity. There will be opportunities for missions until the Lord returns. My father was a missionary for a while, and took groups of retirees and widows on his journeys.

Young women can do ministries, service, work, and be entreprenuers in their own home, in their own churches, and in their own town. I have said before that young women are a big influence, and why not be an influence in their own realms?

Now for careers: Why can't you have a "career" at home? Just because other people think that is not a career, does not mean they are right. Do you need a job? Are you the sole provider for your family? And what about men? Let the poor guys have a chance at the jobs, and those orphans or widows who are in desperate straits and have no relatives, before the scores of discontent young women start to flood the job market. Remember that these men have to support families and it would be polite to let them have a chance at a job first.

There is of course the case of young women who out of necessity have to go and get a job, as I mentioned before. But most girls don't really have to go and do that. Most girls have families, most girls have ways they can be content at home. Most girls like to do what everyone else is doing, though, or what the world thinks they should do, and find it too hard to be different. Most girls think they need an "experience" but let me tell you, if you will stop and notice daily life, you will find that there is a lot of experience to be had in your own town, church, and family.

I do understand the temptations to go out as a young lady and do what all the other girls my age were doing. I do know what it feels when you think people do not respect you. You wish you could pull out some long list of movies you starred in, olympic medals you won, phd's you gathered along with medical discoveries that gave you several nobel prizes, orphaniges you started in siberia, and the positions you held in some great company. But really, how often is that going to happen? I meet and talk with many people, and none of them have ever asked me if I carry my degree with me, and can I produce it for their approval? Or at least, can I show them my student loan debt amount to prove I had gone to college? What company have you spent your youth working for? Have you ever been in the olympics? It just does not come up in normal conversations.

I would caution girls to think strongly about themselves, and see if they are using their opportunities at home before leaving it. I would also like to inform girls who say "Well, I am going to get my degree and have a career at NASA and then I am going to settle down and be a mommy" that they need to think of the fleetness of youth. I doubt if most girls know that it is more difficult to have children past the age of thirty, and there will be many come to struggle and maybe disappointment if they put off marriage and children in favor of building a career first. Society seems to ignore the fact that most young people have the drive to get married and have children at 17 or 18 years old. Modern society encourages them to forget that in pursuit of money, and all kinds of trouble can result.


8. What sort of things create contentment in the home?
I think early training is very important, to stick to a project or committment, to see something through, to work hard to do something that is not fun to get the reward when it is finished. Training to find things to do to entertain and amuse themselves at home. There are some homebodies and some who have to be constantly going places. That is okay, sometimes I am a bit of both. But you have to be able to be content at home when your plans fall through, when you can't go on a family vacation after all, when the gas prices go up, and when your friends leave town.

Sewing isn't very fun for me. It is hard, frustrating work. There is no pleasure in sewing seams, setting in sleeves, sewing hems, or messing with pleats, butttons, or facings. I do get a bit of pleasure out of gathers, but I can't explain why. Well, when the garment is all done, I get a HUGE feeling of fulfillment from it. But if my mother had not taught me to get through all that when I was learning to sew, I would have not realized that fulfillment as often as I have. And to be honest, sometimes I get through the blood, sweat and tears and when the project is done, there is no fulfillment. I hate it and throw it in the garbage. It looked bad on me, or turned out irrepairabley crooked or ugly. But that does not mean that I quit sewing.

I see some girls who flit from one thing to another. They are all enthused about this or that book, and then they never finished reading it before they are on to how great this music band is, and they are all into that. And the next time you see them they don't even remember that, they are all ready to go to be trained in this or that career field. When they dip their foot in that, they decide they don't like it and are on to some other whim. There is nothing wrong with trying everything out. I tried a lot of things at least once. But trying something out is different than wholly plunging from project ot project or idea to idea, never finishing any of them.

Learning to see beauty and take joy in the home, in your projects, and being useful in your family and church can create contentment.


9. What sort of things create restlessness, disloyalty, discontent?
Other People
Bad Influences
Tempations to do wrong, to do seomthing the world says is okay but the Bible says is not
Looking at your family's flaws instead of trying to look to their good points, and being a good influence in your own conduct
Lack of motivation to improve one's condition in life by making their corner of the world a better place, and not wanting to see the opportunities around them

10. What are "signs" of rebellion?Lets' see....
Thinking your parents are really stupid
Thinking that other people know you better than your family
Climbing out of windows
Listening to rock music
Ignoring people when they talk to you
Driving really fast and driving while angry
Bad-mouthing others
Dressing immodestly
Dying your hair because your hair is the same color as the rest of your family and you do not want to look like them
Secret friends, secret places, secret letters, secret meetings
Always being in a bad mood
Thinking that you know more than people at your very old and experienced age (all of 16) and so you don't need to talk to them
Only listening to people who are supporting you in your rebellion, and who have always disliked your family
Moving out for no valid reason
Refusing to try and get along
Not showing up for family events unless by exclusive invitation
Not showing up for family meals unless you know the menu first
Not showing up for family times even if you know the menu and get an exclusive invitation
Showing up to a family event and spending the whole time texting a friend on the phone and ignoring everyone
Wanting to live with friends in the same town as your own family
Saying your family is dysfunctional even though you are the one to be snarly and turn every thing into an argument
Thinking that nothing bad should happen to you, that you did not deserve that speeding ticket, that you did not deserve that talking to, etc/
Complaining to your friends about your life
Wanting your parent's money and approval for everything you want to do, but not wanting them to have anything to say about it
Wanting to know where your parents are at all times, what they spent their money on, what their plans are, and having input and opinion about it, but getting offended and refusing to answer if they ask you the same questions.

I could go on and on, but I will spare you the pain. I could add mutilating the body, doing drugs, smoking and drinking, but I think that is obvious, and a lot of "good kids" who grew up in Christian homes do not go that far in their rebellion. However, I think the above is bad enough.

Imitation Pearls verses Genuine Wealth

NOTE: My daughter has written several articles on this site, including one called "A Message to Daughters From a Daughter" which gives a good summary of what young person needs to know.

There was a daughter once, who had been in a discount store and seen some pretty necklaces that looked like pearls. They were not genuine, but they glistened so beautifully and she wanted them awfully badly, so she asked her parents for the money. Since they were only a dollar, it was no problem to give it to her. Her mother warned her that all the paint would come off and eventually the necklace would not shine as much as it had when it was new, but her daughter still wanted them. A dollar was only a dollar, and if it did not work out, she could always cast them aside, and it would not have cost that much. They were actually quite pretty and she enjoyed having them so much.

One evening when her father came into her room to say goodnight, he asked her: "My daughter, do you love me?" and she said, "Of course, I do, Daddy!" "Well then," he replied, "Can I please have that string of pearls you bought?" The daughter pouted and said, "Oh, please let me keep them one more day!" Her father, saddened, left the room.

The next night, her father asked her again for the pearls, but she was not ready to give them up. He went to her every night and asked her the same question and then requested the necklace. One night, his daughter got the necklace and handed it to him, whereupon he reached into his pocket and pulled out a velvet case and gave it to her. She opened the little box, and inside, was a string of genuine pearls.

I have tried to remember this old story, so that I could relate it to something that is going on in the lives of our daughters today. I may have left out some details, but I believe there is enough of a story there to show my point.

Our daughters often accept imitations, that is, things that parade themselves as genuine "gems" or real truth. These things--from friendships to beliefs, present themselves in a good light, but inside, they are imitation, not real. The fake jewels from the dollar store are pretty for awhile, but they will corrode or break. Genuine wealth comes from our physical and emotional investment in the home and family. The things a girl does in ministry or career, or even college, will not have the same lasting evidence as what she does in the home. When you marry and have children and keep house, you create something that can be remembered by all the family and you also send a message outward of the value of the home as it was ordained by God.

Ministries can be exciting at first, but the home and family of daughters is the genuine gem. More can be accomplished at home than they realize. Sometimes ministers will ask the parents, "What do you have for her to do at home" and try to intimidate the parents if they do not have "something going on" that can compete with their ministry. There is nothing in the Bible that demands that parents send their daughters away just because they are not married.

These ministries (or colleges or careers) are not even set up like the home, with the parents and children. They are set up with the same mentality as public schools and corporate offices: group thinking. They eat with the group, play with the group, work with the group, etc. I always reminded my children that Beethoven did not compose his concertos in a group, and Rober Fulton did not discover steam power in a "herd." We develop a herd instinct in our children when they are consistently with herds outside their own families. They dress like the herd, listen the the music of the heard, talk like the herd, play like the herd. They eat with the herd and study with the herd.

There is nothing wrong with ministry, education or work, but does it always have to be done somewhere else, and with a herd? There have been many parents whose daughters have gone to help in various denominational ministries, and they have never seen them again. Others have gone on small mission trips now and then but they come home critical of their parents and haughty. There is something wrong, when ministry affects people that way. Most ministries that I have known, do not make the family unit stronger. They separate families.

I

believe that the Lord's work can be done without causing trouble in the home. Most of the New Testament shows how to act in the local body of Christ, and does not actually command young unmarried people to go out on mission trips. The commission to go into all the world and preach the gospel certainly indicates that one must go somewhere, but it is the job of the local church to send someone,, not another organization or ministry. Go into the world also means "AS" you go into all the world, preach the gospel. That shows the daily life of the Christian, who is as willing to stay as he is to go, because wherever he is, he is a Christian and can be a light to anyone around him.

I also have a question as to why these ministries eventually become hostile to the parents of the daughters and sons involved. Grieved parents, who had no objection to sending their daughters to ministries, now report that instead of coming home, the daughters have turned against them and the ministry itself accuses the parents of being abusive, and unfit parents. Some ministries even reject parents if they are adoptive parents.

One of the imitation pearls that is parading itself around our daughters is the belief that young women should go into ministry. Advocates of this will promote this loudly from pulpits, saying that our children are "dedicated to God." No other meaning of "following the Lord" is ever presented to these young people. It is never considered, from the pulpit or publications, that to be a homemaker, or a wife or mother or helper in the local church or the home, is "serving the Lord."

I find it quite interesting the way that this is all packaged. First, the perpetrators capitalize on the age of the daughter (or son) , knowing that they are are a crossroads where they might not have decided anything about their future. The shiny brochures from the military and colleges do the same thing, with slogans like "Have you thought about your future?" or "Where are you going with your life?" and " Make a Difference," or "Make a real contribution." These by-words are everywhere, from friends to family, and once planted in the heads of our youth, will create anxiety and doubts. Our young ladies and men will think, "That is right--I really haven't thought much about my future career or life--and I have no direction." They do not realize that their parents have given them a lot of direction, but that their focus has not been on what is packaged as future, or career.

Let us get our thinking straight and have a look at what these imitation pearls leave out:

They leave out the possibility of marriage, home and family.

They leave out the greatest and most neglected mission field of the home.

They neglect to mention that the most urgent problem for youth is not career or purpose, but the fact that most marriages don't last very long, and many children are not truly being taught proper values.

They leave out the fact that we are not suffering from lack of ministries, but from lack of women dedicated to preserving marriage, home and family.

Let us look at what these sermons and brochures really are:

They are coatings on imitation pearls. Inside, they do not deliver anything that our sons and daughters can use in real life. They do not tell the joy of getting married and serving the Lord by dedicating our homes to Christ and teaching children the word of God.

They leave out the parents, asking them only for the money to send the child to a ministry. They may get the parents signatures, when the child is 18 or under, but once they reach a legal age, the ministry no longer cares what the parents think or want, and is not merciful to the family, which they leave out of the picture.

The brochures are shiny depictions of a glorious youth center where your son or daughter can "serve" but once they are there, their frenzied involvement (getting up early, going to bed late, working in kitchens, doing a lot of housework) can detach them from their family.They may think they are superior to their own parents, and even refuse to return home.Like the imitation pearl, the lure to ministry is a shiny coating that covers something not as valuable as the solid rock foundation of home and family.

Worst of all, these ministries leave out the years that daughters are most likely to meet a mate and marry and have children. Years later, these daughters, well into their thirties, become disillusioned, having dedicated their youth to ministry and come away with nothing. Many of them actually go into ministry hoping to meet someone to marry, but in fact, more girls go into these ministry than boys, leaving few choices.

There is a lot of error in the teaching that our daughters have some sort of "in between time" from their own family til they get married. There is no command to send our children to college, no spiritual law that demands our daughters join a ministry. Parents are realizing this and protecting their daughters. Our daughters are meat for these ministries, which need free labor. They often provide free room and board for teaching jobs and kitchen work.

Though the child may join when they are under 18, by the time their 18th birthday arrives, these ministries chuck the parents and take over. They can shift the daughters from one youth center in one state, to another youth center somewhere else. The daughters get to a point where they do not want to return.

The ministry leaders become surrogate fathers to these girls and ministry can become a substitute for marriage. These girls need to be home, paying back their mothers by helping with housework, and preparing for their marriages. Parents need to participate in getting their daughter's things ready for their new home.

There is always the questions posed: what if the opportunity does not come, to marry? My answer is that it is still not a sign to go to a mission field and give your best years to someone else's ministry. There are many happy, contented young women who live at home and are meeting people, reaching out to people, sewing, learning skills, and keeping the faith. If a girl will say "what if no one marries me" as an excuse to leave to a ministry, she will use that kind of reasoning to get out of duty, all the time.

There is always, always something to do at home. If she says there is nothing to do, she will say the same thing when she finally gets married, as an excuse to neglect her home and husband.We should always do what God says do, and let Him deliver the results. While we know for certain that the New Testament Christians were told to be different than the world around them by being discreet homemakers and lovers of their homes and families, we find no such evidence that young women went with other youth in groups to minister.

God always makes sense, and when the Bible teaches the younger women (Titus 2) to be home, it is for a purpose. When you are young, you have the stamina to do that sort of thing. Having a family and caring for a house takes a lot of work, and you need to be young when you establish your home. You lose those foundational years learning to be a homemaker, when you go away into ministry. Sure, you may be cooking and serving meals while there, but it is not the same way as you would, if you were running your own home.

Life inside a ministry is not the real world. It is regulated by a leader or a headquarters. It is a low adult-student ratio, meaning it is just a big youth group, no different than colleges and some careers. Just because it is a ministry, does not mean it has a pristine reputation. I know from experience that any time you get youth together, there will be immorality--everything from drinking to immodesty, to swearing . There will likely be assigned to your daughter a spiritual counsellor who will listen in on phone calls or check all emails, and encourage her to confess every single family problem. There will be stabbing-in-the-back friendships, and disloyalty. There will be crushes and broken hearts.

The years spent in ministry will not prepare a daughter how to rule her own home or how to have a lasting marriage and how to teach her children. That is something that can only be learned through doing it.

Some people think that our daughters can learn something by working with troubled children and other dysfunctional families. They would be better off at home, working with their own families and being helpful and saving their money for their own homes.

We need to get girls back to making hope chests and becoming wives and mothers. Their child bearing years are being wasted in ministry, an imitation pearl. The genuine pearls are the home and the family, the way God made it, not the imitation family in a ministry, a college or a career.

Another thing we should be wary of is that most of us become attached to the people we are around the most. Young people have vulnerable minds, and ministries, colleges and careers know this. That is why the shiny brochure comes to your sons and daughters, and not to the parents. I am very experienced working with young people, as I raised my children already and now have grandchildren, yet no one ever tries to get me to work in a ministry. No, they do not want me now. They want the young people, because their minds are easily changed. I have definite ideas about the home and the family.I believe the young ladies belong at home til they go to their husband's home. It would save a lot of money, loneliness, and temptation. Most of the time the "single life" is the imitation pearl.

While I am on the subject, I want to respond to the emails I have gotten about some articles online that talk about the so-called "Cloistered Home-School Syndrome." I read the article someone sent me and had some serious questions about the validity of such a disease. Apparently the authors quoted some doctor who claimed that the diseases he saw in young home school girls were a result of not having friends outside of their church or family approval, and not being forced to go to college or work, and not being shown how to go to ministry or leave home.

It is disturbing that so many people read this stuff and then believe it without checking out the ultimate authority, the Bible, on what it says about the family and the unmarried person. Neither do they contact the parents of these "sick" daughters and find out from them what happened. They tend to go on the word of a doctor, whom most people consider an expert, and on what the daughter told the doctor. Most people these days assume the young people are telling the truth and the parents are abusers and liars.

So, here are the questions:

What exactly were the symptoms of these "cloistered home school syndrome" daughters? Was it a sore throat? A fever? Depression, nervousness, pain in the abdomen, indigestion? The symptoms were not specifically mentioned. The doctor apparently just said that being home schooled resulted in all kinds of illnesses.

Do the children in public school ever get "illnesses?" Do they ever get tired of school and use illness as an excuse not to go back some days? Are they not "cloistered" within the confines of a limited area all day long until they are dismissed? Do they never get tired of entering the same institution day after day for the 12 year sentence their parents have enrolled them in, in what we know as public school? Are they somehow more free than a home school girl, who gets to come and go with her mother, , participating in many different things? When public school daughters visit a doctor, why doesn't he claim they suffer from "cloistered public school classroom syndrome?"What about retired people who now base most of their activities at home? When they get sick, maybe is from cloistered retirement syndrome.

Nothing that article said actually proves that illnesses are a result of girls being at home, any more than it proves that a man who has an accounting job from his own computer at home, gets ill because he is at home. Maybe he should have "Cloistered Accountant Syndrome."Nothing about the article proves that girls are sick because they are home schooled an not mingling with just any old Joe, any more than we could prove that a woman who is a homemaker full time has "cloistered home making syndrome." No more proof of such an illness could be made, than there is proof that an artist in his studio has "cloistered artist syndrome."

If a doctor is going to declare a "cloister" syndrome, he might as well talk about cloistered postal worker syndrome, cloistered cubical syndrome (students in cubicles with laptops), cloistered cafeteria syndrome ( people who work in cafeterias all day) cloistered professor syndrome ,cloistured plumbers union syndrome, or cloistered bank clerk syndrome. According to this reasoning, any of these people in their restricted careers could suffer from the cloistered syndrome.

The article was trying to prove that ministry was the best thing for our daughters, but my article here is trying to show that marriage,home and family is the best ministry for our children. Girls who want to help people, make a difference, contribute (and all the other weaselly by-words used as sales pitches to lure them into ministry, college, military, career) can help people by marrying a good man and keeping his house and teaching their children. If they really want to teach , teach their children or the neighbor children. If they want to convert people, let them first convert someone at home. I wrote an article about this called "Charity Begins At Home" on http://www.homeliving.blogspot.com/ On that blog, you can also find an article on Contentment, which is one of the ingredients missing in this problem of girls being lured into someones ministry.

If daughters want to be in ministry, the safest choice is to show then how to use their own talents for their own ministry within the family and the local church. If the family travels, it is a great way to see the world and provide ministry. There are terrible incidences where girls have been killed or injured while away from home. Unmarried girls are vulnerable to assault, both physically and emotionally. Parents who really love their daughters will entrust them only to a husband who will take care of them, not to ministries that for the most part, are not about marriage, home and family.

I will be writing more on Home Living blog about the things young, unmarried girls can do at home that are meaningful and fulfilling, as well as broadening their view of the world.

As I stated earlier, there is no law or Biblical mandate to send your daughters to a ministry or even to college. Many people are shocked that I say this, and I can see they are deeply indoctrinated by media and the prevailing culture. No, it just is not in there.

Ministers and churches take it upon themselves to convince parents to send their children to their ministries, but I must emphasise that a ministry will be operated by the ones it belongs to and the children will be subject to their rules and their beliefs. It is far better to establish your own family ministry. When one sees the limitations of other people's ministries, even when they are overseas, one cannot help but think of the "cloistered ministry syndrome". Some times these ministries are run like cults, indoctrinating the young adults to think it is the ultimate they can do right now, and robbing them of their youth.

If you want to be warned further about ministries, type in "Holy Kidnapping" and see what one man wrote about how ministers use other people's children to do their work.When parents begin to want their children home, these ministries send the young people to another youth center, or another minister.

If your young people want to go somewhere else for ministry, just remind them that the most neglected mission field is at home. Jesus himself travelled no more than 30 miles in radius, from his own home and he went on foot.

If someone is really serious about following Christ, let him minister on the homefront, especially if it an unmarried child who has talents that can and should be used locally.There is nothing in the Bible that demands that young people leave home. It is just not in there. However, Titus 2 and many other scriptures about n young women guiding the home, guarding the home, and ruling the home (literal translation), and minding our own business, not wandering from house to house, "that the word of God be not blasphemed" ARE in the Bible.

Long before feminists got ahold of the minds of women, through the media and curriculum, women were content to be home, and recognized that is where their responsibility was. Since the home has been abandoned by women, there are more divorce problems, and more youth problems than ever before. The women's "movement" has not benefitted the home or made families stronger.

If women had not left the home in the first place, there would have been no need for ministries for troubled youth.

By the time these young women return from ministries, they will no longer be younger women. If they want to learn, let them be taught by older women to do the things in Titus 2. The young women were never commanded to go work in a youth ministry. Jesus himself never went further than 30 miles from his own home, but his message was so pure and powerful, it went all over the world. Today, with the mail, the phone, the web, and the car, we can spread the gospel of Christ, without sending our young ladies "somewhere else." There is no reason an entire family cannot go on a mission trip together, eliminating the need of recruiting the young women.

When young women leave home, they rob the local church and the family of needed encouragement. We invest in our youth, and we need to see the next generation of marriage, children and homes, duplicating what we taught them. Parents are saying: "It puzzles me that a minister would think my daughter had a different goal and a different calling than I do. Why, for example would a ministry want my daughter to go overseas, but want me to remain at home and pay for it?" We need to reexamine this claim of ministries for our young people, and see how we can better serve each other.

Making Memories With Our Sons

It's that time of year again!

The leaves turn brilliant colors, radiating the excitement of the season. I love the vibrant crisp energy as everyone rushes around preparing for a lovely long winter. The wood piles are bursting at the seams, the happy voices sipping hot apple cider as friends and families gather to usher in another Harvest Season.

This hand carved "Fall Pheasant" is a tradition we just started this year. My nine year old son and I went exploring on our property for Fall colors bringing a brilliant palate to our centerpiece. We were having guests for dinner and together my son and I create a wonderfully masculine Harvest display for our table. It was so simple and very uplifting in "real life". We had so much fun finding unique fauna while working together.

During this time of year, I started to consider the importance of bringing peace and harmony to the home for the Holidays, especially for mothers who are struggling with the upheaval of a rebellious child. Making happy opportunities with faithful sons at home is just as important as with daughters. I wrote before on how to bring "peace to a home" hit by the tornado of a disruptive son or daughter. Everyone else seems to suffer which should not be, so do not let this happen! Rise above it and make something beautiful from your ashes of grief. There are those at home looking to you to bring stability and rest. They want to know if everything is going to be alright and your example will teach them how to deal with their own children some day. Make sure the sorrow, frustration or discouragement you are feeling is not effecting others.

Mother's rise up from your bed of sorrow and gather your loving chicks around you!

Help your children find Gods wonders all around them. Fill your home with the aroma of delicious meals and goodies. Make sure your boys have a chance to decorate holiday cookie faces and give them each a spoon to lick the bowl. What a memory and smile you are giving to warm their hearts.

Brighten up your home by keeping at least the main room picked up and neat. Your children can find ways to make things to decorate the house too. Many boys love to draw. Have them go outside to get some leaves, then place the leaves under a piece of paper and color over the sheet. A lovely Holiday design comes through! Put their artwork on your fridge or have them cut it out to decorate the windows or anything else in nice places. Colorful leaves look lovely under or around knick knacks, the coffee table or sprinkled here and there. I love to take fresh leaves and iron them between a folded sheet of wax paper. Then I frame it with colored construction paper and hang it in the window. It is like seeing Fall through a stain glass.

Many times sons are the neglected ones. Take them outside and help them find God's living artwork. A nature walk is good for all children but time with your boys is so valuable as you help them see something that is lovely, true and good report. Have your boys exercise their manly skills by helping you cut sharp, thorny plants (don't forget their gloves) and carry in your bounty to help decorate the home. If you have a wood stove or fireplace, send your boys out to keep an ample supply.
A warm hearth keeps a happy home. Working with sons, gives them a tangible appreciation of the Lord's faithfulness throughout the changing seasons. These are times that will delight a young man's soul, lifting his spirit through difficulties, creating memories that will last a lifetime.

"his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper"

The Old Paths, Where Is the Good Walk

Path to Peace

by Peter Motz

A frustrated parent can get awfully confused when reading all the advice there is out there, regarding training up their children. One of the things that older people used to warn us about was the modern books on child rearing. "Watch those books," they would say. "The advice sounds good but it will lead you away from the old paths, where is the good walk."


Jer 6:16 "Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls

But they said, We will not hearken.

Jer 6:18 Therefore hear, ye nations, and know, O congregation, what is among them.

Jer 6:19 Hear, O earth: behold, I will bring evil upon this people, even the fruit of their thoughts, because they have not hearkened unto my words, nor to my law, but rejected it.

Though we are familiar with the verse about the old paths, we often fail to see what happened to the rebels who said, "We will not walk in them." The generation that did not walk in the "old paths" was visited by "anguish", their hands would "wax feeble," and they would be overtaken by "the spoiler." (Read further in that chapter to see the description).

We see that so much today in a restless, discontent and rebellious generation. They are filled with so much anxiety that they have to visit therapists or religious counsellors with degrees, who usually send them further away from their parents rather than turning their hearts back to the "old paths" taught by their parents. The "spoiler" is the amount of money it costs to help these children, and the amount of money that goes through their fingers because they don't have good values and cannot appreciate thrift. The spoiler also rots their personality and their productiveness. Their "feeble hands" are the lazy at home, unwilling to help their parents or lift a finger to relieve the stress on their own families; stress they often put on their parents and siblings by their own rebellion.

The way our forefathers, and many people before them, raised their children, was according to the Proverbs and the examples in the Word of God. I have noticed that even the religious people will use modern reasoning and psychology in place of the scriptures, when teaching about raising children. Good old-fashioned sense used to come from our grandparents and great-grandparents, not from the doctors or psychologists. Now, everyone listens to every "expert" that comes on radio, television, through the magazines or online.

In determining what advice to follow, take a good look at their children. Are they, by your standards, the kind of people you want your children to turn out to be? Do not trust anyone, for advice, until you have seen the outcome of their labors.


I have heard all kinds of therapists talk, but I have not met their children. I wonder also about the parents of these therapists: just how much trouble did they give their own parents? Many people become counsellors because they have had so many problems in their own lives and want to find ways of solving them. However, the therapy that comes from the world, is not the teachings of the Bible.



These radio and television personalities may be popular, and may seem to make sense, but they never use the wisdom of Proverbs or take a good look at the way God and His children interacted in the Old Testament. This is crucial to understanding two things: the appointed authority and responsibility of the parents, and the commanded compliance and honoring of the children toward their parents.


We can also find out how to raise children from the "old ways" of our forefathers. Many of them, though not Christians, still had the Christian ethic instilled in them, and they would take no nonsense from their children. They would have shaken their heads at the foolishness of so-called "Christian-pschology" that runs many families and ministries today.


Some of the old paths contained phrases and words like this:


No means no, and that is that.


If you run with the goats, you'll smell like the goats.


If everyone jumped off the bridge, would you jump off the bridge?


If you don't stop that crying, I am going to give you something to cry about.


I didn't ask to be born, either, so while we are here, we have a duty to raise you right and you have a duty to obey.


Oh, stuff and nonsense.

Don't bite the hand that is feeding you.

Do not look a gift horse in the mouth.

Understand where your bread and butter is coming from.

Do not insult the cook.

While you are in my house, you will do as I say. When you get your own children, you can raise them any way you like.

What were parents doing when they quoted these handed-down phrases? They were reinforcing their duty as parents to guide and protect their children. They were repeating the rules that had been taught them, about children heeding the warnings of their parents. Proverbs is full of warnings for the son to listen to the instruction of his father and forget not the law of his mother. When the Proverbs says "sons" it is often a generic word directed at offspring, and includes daughters too!


By now, everyone is familiar with the Google Earth program. Any part of the earth can be seen from the top, and you can get a better idea of how property is shaped. Picture in your mind a similar Bible program, where you open the Bible and look at it standing over it like it was Google earth. You think of it as a map. You see outlines. You see paths and roads. You trace things. Trace the dealings of God with His people. Look how He protected and guided them. Look at the consequences of His people's response to his direction. The righteous were rewarded. The rebellious were sent down.

Put psychology aside and see what the Bible is saying, in summary, regarding human behaviour. The Bible is a study of human behavior, particularly the Proverbs. It shows sin and its wages, and righteousness and its rewards. THIS is what our youth need to know. THIS is what our youth need to study. Every psychology department in the Christian colleges needs to study Genesis, Job, Proverbs, Jeremiah, Ephesians, and many other books in the Bible. The Bible needs to be the textbook for psychology classes. In these classes, the following problems could be solved:

-Which of the 10 commandments deal with our relationship with God?
-Which of the 10 commandments deal with our relationship with others?
-How does our relationship with others affect our relationship with God?
-Which of the two great commandments of Christ deal with our relationship with God?
-Which of the two great commandments of Christ deal with our relatiohship with others?
-What is the message to the "son" or the youth, in the book of Proverbs?
-Besides God, what human relationship in Proverbs is most important to youth?
-What is the consequence of foolishness?
-What is the consequence of wisdom?
-How can we have stability, according to scripture?
-What is Biblical economics? How does it work, according to scripture?
-How can we have marriages for a lifetime?
-How can we teach children to honor their parents?
-How does honoring parents effect the outcome of a child's own marriage, child rearing, or prosperity?

I could go on and on, and maybe when I have more time, I shall.

The Rebel is Never Happy

Shipwreck, 1873

by Carl Frederick Aagaard

I have discovered that rebellion knows no class or income level, can come from the country or the city, can be privileged or poor, talented or not, and grow up in any circumstances, to a certain limit.

The rebel will say that he was not brought up in a Christian home, and therefore, has an excuse for not being able to adjust to decent behavior. I have heard young women who have just married, say that the reason they cannot keep house or look after their children is because they didnt' have good training in their own homes. However, I think after a period of time, they can learn new habits, if they really want to.

These rebels also claim they were not restricted or disciplined enough in their youth and that their parents were too permissive, and that is why they fail in so many areas of their lives. They say they cannot be self motivated or that they cannot concentrate, because they were not taught right. Their mothers worked outside the home for a wage, and so they had every new item of clothing they wanted but they threw it down in a corner, saying they didn't ask for their privileged lifestyle.

On the other hand, I hear all the whining from those who were brought up in good Christian homes. They claim they weren't allowed to party with the rest of the kids on the block. They claim they had no freedom and that there were too many rules. They say they were too protected and not allowed to dress like their peers. They have sulky sour looks and they throw away the guide of their youth. They complain that they grew up in a poor family because it was "one income" and their mother "did not have a job." They fuss about homemade haircuts and the lack of updated electronic equipment. They think they missed out on something.

A rebel is just never happy. Parents have to teach children that since they are the parent, they will do the deciding for their family. I once heard a woman with 3 daughters in the fabric store. She was getting in on a sale and going to let each of them make a new garment. She went directly to the sale rack and told them to choose something from several different bolts.

One of them turned to a place near that sale item and jumped up and down begging her mother for a different selection. Her mother firmly said, "Don't try to persuade me. These are your choices and you will have to make the best of it." The girl settled down to the choices she had. I think she was happier having some restrictions, and her mother knew the quality of the fabric much better than the daughter did.

Their mother was also trying to make sure each of them got something. If the younger one got a different piece at a higher price, the other two would not have been able to afford a piece.

Young people in the home need to use that home life as an opportunity for great lessons in life.

One lesson is unselfishness. This will get you a long way in life and will help also in marriage problems. If unselfishness is not learned, it will destroy future relationships.

Another lesson is wisdom in money management. One result of impulse buying is guilt. Then, it costs more to return the item after you have had second thoughts. If you spent too much, and keep the item, you can not enjoy it too much. You will look at it often and remember what a sacrifice it was, and feel so awful that you wish you had never bought it. Young people at home have an opportunity to practice thrift, which is a way of learning to make do, substitute, make a dollar stretch, find the best bargains, or just do without.

Still another lesson learned in the home is the love and honoring of a mother who really works hard protecting her family and protecting her husband's income. Many girls and boys grow up hearing the mantra that they must "do better" than their parents, but few of them really do so, in a spiritual sense. Who can "do better" than parents who kept a life long marriage, despite internal troubles, together, and who kept their family safe and dressed and fed their children, lost sleep, kept the house repaired and clean, and paid their bills? Who can do better than that?

And, another lesson is the lesson of overcoming self-righteousness. Young people often believe that they are smarter and more talented than their parents, and have a tendency to look down on them for all the reasons I mentioned in the first two paragraphs. I believe that even if you weren't privileged enough to have a Christian upbringing, there was some wisdom you could glean from your upbringing. There were some good things from their teaching and their customs that you can repeat in your life.

Rebellion is a problem that really needs to be addressed. Everyone feels rebellion at various times. They get the "I-don't-want-to's" and they stubbornly refuse to do something they ought. James says, "To him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is a sin."

Real strength of character is achieved when we can over come our "I-don't-want-to" moods and do it anyway. I see this happening when a young woman has a baby. She is tired and she is not in the mood to do a lot, but when her baby cries she feeds him, and when he has a messy diaper she bathes him. Her instincts kick in. She would get up in the middle of the night if her child was sick. She would adjust to anything to protect those who are defenseless.

This is one lesson all young people need to learn. If they do not learn it while they are young, they will learn it by shock when they get married and have children.

If the rebel does not learn to overcome his rebellion, he can never be happy. If he marries, he will treat his wife with the same disdain and disrespect as he did his mother or the one who cared for him in his youth. If a girl dispises her father and mother, she will despise her husband. The lessons must be learned at home, or they will be learned in a more harsh way, away from home.

Some young people will say they did not have the kind of home they longed for. They will complain that it was not a warm, welcome environment in their homes.

Others, who did have that happy home, with music playing and family meals and good talking about important issues of life, will complain that their families did not have enough rock music or variety of people visiting. Parents will get very confused by this kind of talk, because there are no long lists of rules for being a parent. There are no training seminars that say they must take their children to Disneyland.

There are no rules, in the Bible or any kind of book, that say you must allow your children to see Star Wars or play a video game. There is no law that says parents must have meals in restaurants. The rebels will complain that they didn't get to eat out or that they didn't get to go to the movies. Those who did get to do all that, will complain that they never got to eat a home cooked meal, and that they were sat in front of the television to keep them quiet. So, you cannot ever please a rebel. A rebel will never be happy.

It seems we have come a long, long way from the attitude of doing what is good and right, no matter what the circumstances. Instead, there has been a teaching of doing whatever feels natural and is convenient and serves our own interests first.

We cannot have a safe country to live in, if everyone feels this way. We have to get back to honor and duty, two things children need to be taught, whether they are from Christian homes or not.

Parents need to teach their children that they are the parents, put in charge of their children, and the ultimate authority given by God. Whatever kind of upbringing they have, is up to the parents, not up to society, friends, the current music or styles, or the opinion of "experts" like psychologists or the latest pop-psychology book.

Parents determine the direction, and children are along for the ride. When they get old enough to have their own families, they can direct them as they please. That is the way it works: while you are the parent, the child complies, but when he gets to be the parent, he gets to make the rules. Then, one day, his kids can blame him for not bringing them up they way they wanted. So, he must carefully raise them in a way that will protect them and train them.

Parents are in a privileged position. It is the highest office of the land. It will take another article to explain this important position. The children have a different kind of privilege: the privilege of being cared for and guided. How many adults, burdened with unbearable stresses and decisions, would love to have someone take over their lives and make everything okay?

Children need to be children under their parents care, as long as they can, so that they do not heap unbearable pressures on themselves. Then, when they become parents, they enter that privileged arena where they become the benevolent masters and the children are the loving subjects.

Ornaments of Grace

Evening at Home

by Edward John Poynter

Corner of the Villa

by Edward John Poynter

I was teaching this verse to some young girls yesterday. I explained that the words "my son" did not mean boys only! Any time you see that word in relation to honoring and good conduct, it also applies to girls.

Pro 1:8 Hear, my son, the instruction of thy father,

And leave not the law of thy mother,

Pro 1:9 For a graceful wreath are they to thy head,

And chains to thy neck (Literal translation)

The entire 1st and 2nd chapters of the Proverbs are rich with warnings to sons and daughters. The poetry of Proverbs is interesting, in that it seems negative in the first sentence, but gives an anecdote in the next. Refrain from disobedience, and you will be rewarded.

In the pop-psychology era, parents were told only to say "positive" instruction to their children. The cause of rebellion, these so-called "experts" said, was "too much negative."

Eliminate the negative, they said, and accentuate the positive. That is necessary in some aspects of life, for we certainly do not want our children dwelling on the morose and the morbid, and we truly want them to have a happy disposition. However, you can't let young people believe that they can only hear the blessing but not the warning. It will give them a warped view of life. It will make them disrespectful to parents. Many counsellors and therapists tell young people that they need to have only praise and positive things. I wonder why more people do not praise and compliment parents, who put up with so much negative from their children! Children, especially teens and young adults, need to understand the Proverbs, which present a negative and a warning, along with an instruction and a reward. Proverbs presents a balanced view of life. Those who are wayward will be rebuked. People who are rebuked are loved. Someone cares about them enough to snatch them from harm. Even those of us who have been raised already, have daily rebukes from the Lord, in the form of failure and mistakes that we have made. If we learn from them, we are attentive to God's prompting. If we reject them because they are "negative" we are foolish.

An employer will say, "If you work faithfully 5 days a week, you will get a paycheck, but if you do not show up on time, or miss a few days, you will be dismissed." That is the way life is. A child will not get "ornaments of grace" if he does not listen to the instruction of his parents. Even a young adult must still listen to his parents. My parents are in the 80's and I still listen to them and heed their warnings.

Though the Proverbs firmly quote the negative, and show the consequences of leaving the teachings and laws of the parents, it always balances this teaching by showing the wonderful rewards of following the training of their parents.

Chapters one and two are foundational for young adults in the home. They are to seek the right way as though they were searching for great treasures. If they do, the Lord will give them understanding.

They are warned in these chapters that there will be young people who once knew the way of the Lord, but have rejected the guide of their youth, such as in this verse:

Pro 2:17 Who is forsaking the guide of her youth, And the covenant of her God hath forgotten.

It warns that once a person is drawn away by this flirtatious, rebellious young person, they will not return. "None that go unto her return again, neither take they hold of the paths of life." Prov. 2: 19.

This is an interesting warning, which would be deemed "negative" by the counsellors, preachers and professors today, but what is wrong with saying to a young person: "Son, daughter, beware of association with that group of people. No one who has ever partied with them has ever been the same again. They never seem to go back to the solid teachings that they were brought up with."

I guess I could say this applies to some colleges, even Christian colleges. Many parents have had nothing but trouble with their once wise daughter or son, once they had been to a college, especially if they had good values at home, to begin with. After they are exposed to the teachings, they come home more careless in their habits and relationships than ever before, causing uneasiness and disturbance in the home.

Psalms 1 warns young people not to be counselled by certain types: the ungodly, the scornful. How many of you parents have heard that little scoff from your young lady or young man, after you have warned them about something or told them to do something that would benefit them? These kids have been around scoffers and scorners, who think parents are stupid.

Psalms 1 says that those who do not sit in the seat of the scornful (could that be in someones house, or in a theatre, or in a classroom, a youth group?) will be BLESSED.

The blessing is found in verse 3: stability, productiveness, prosperity.

Those who do not follow these warnings, have a result, too, found in verse 4 of Psalms 1: instability. They are "like the chaff that the wind driveth away."

Unstable people will not stay home. They have to be in someone else's house or on the go. They are restless. They do not see the work there is to be done at home. They do not understand that their own talents and personal development could be improved by being at home under the protection of their parents. I am not speaking of women and men who are looking after an elderly parent or grandparent at the house of that relative. I am speaking here of restless young men and women who are not content at home.

The Proverbs says that the chaff that blows around with the wind is like the ungodly person. Without stability, they cannot stick to any one thing and be content. Adult children who want to reject the values and training of their parents, yet still live with one foot in the home and one foot in the world with their friends, will not be spending time developing their skills. They major in social activities.

Socialization can be an addiction. When an attempt is made to curb the time wasting social activities, the person goes through a type of withdrawal. They begin to feel restless and uneasy. They must fill up their time with productive things that will help them get ready for marriage, home and family.

Coming in and out of the house at all hours and being sporadic in their attendance to home life, is not good preparation for marriage. They may think that once they settle down to marriage, they will be good home-bodies and dedicated to their families, but that old seed of restlessness will come again, if it has been nurtured throughout their youth.

You do not need to be a psychologist to analyze things. Just read this Psalm, and there you have it.

Adhering to the instruction of the father and the law of the mother, results in "ornaments of grace," rather than chains of slavery. The young person who has been used to sneaking out the window at night, or getting on his cellphone with friends that do not like his/her parents, or creating a secret life away from home, is addicted and is a slave to that way of life. Soon, that will not be enough. They will demand more and more privileges to do more and more destructive things to themselves, and bring stress and heartache on their parents. Even then, it will not be enough for them, because rebellion is like the leech: it says "give me, give me," and is never satisfied.

Pro 30:15 To the leech are two daughters, `Give, give, Lo, three things are not satisfied, Four have not said `Sufficiency;'

Notice how the son or daughter in rebellion stand in judgement of parents. It just isn't good enough at home. You can cater to them and find them things to do, but they are never satisfied.

The problem is lack of gratitude for the grace in their lives, and that leads to lack of contentment. Lack of trust in God to order their ways, results in allowing others their age to give them advice and guide them. Others their age will insist that they do all sorts of things that are usually expensive.

Test the stability of your family. Do members of the family spend more time at friends' houses than they do their own? Do they waste money? Do they gripe, complain? Are they considerate of the parents likes and dislikes, and do they try to make life easier for their parents?

Unstable people tend to be rude. They almost always are unclean and untidy. They usually do not go the second mile in cleaning house or repairing things. They seek the easy life. They do not care about the comfort of others in the home. They only care about themselves.

Ornaments of grace, or chains of slavery? Which one of these are they earning?

Here is a familiar example:

A daughter at home was not content. She pouted and dredged up past restentments. Her parents knew it was the influence of "the counsel of the ungodly" and they curtailed her social activities with one particular friend. She began sneaking out the window at night to be with her friends. After that, it was downhill all the way. She went from a 14 year old sneaking around the neighborhood gossiping about her parents unfair rules, to a 30 year old who cannot get her life together. She has had two children by two different fathers, which she never married. Both children have been taken away from her because she was on drugs. She has been in and out of rehabilitation, and in and out of halfway houses. She cannot get her life together. Yet, she started out with such promise. She was a beautiful little girl, whose mother sewed for her and looked after her and taught her what was right. The parents had even sent her to a Christian college, where she became even worse in her habits.

This is the lesson for those youngsters who think it is pretty cool to sneak out at night. They will not have a brilliant future. They will not have stability. It is like the chaff blowing about in the wind: it goes nowhere, just around and around. This girl began her youth with a rebellious act. It caught her up in a restless lifestyle that she couldn't satisfy. He ruined her life. Warn your children about this, and teach them well. This story is similar to the Proverb warning youth that "they who go unto her, never return." You do not want your children to go down a river of no return.

The Rebel Among Us

Bacon's Rebels Burning Jamestown, Virginia 1676

September 19, 1676 -- Jamestown is burned
by: cvllelaw

Fri Sep 19, 2008 at 08:00:00 AM EDT

Bacon's Rebellion (or the Virginia Rebellion) was an uprising in 1676 in the Virginia Colony, led by Nathaniel Bacon. It was the first rebellion in the American colonies in which discontented frontiersmen took part.

The central figures in Bacon's Rebellion were opposites. Governor Sir William Berkeley, seventy when the crisis began, was a veteran of the English Civil Wars, a frontier Indian fighter, a King's favorite in his first term as Governor in the 1640's, and a playwright and scholar. His name and reputation as Governor of Virginia were well respected. Young Nathaniel Bacon, Jr., was actually Berkeley's cousin by marriage.Lady Berkeley, Frances Culpeper, was Bacon's cousin.

Bacon was a troublemaker and schemer whose father sent him to Virginia in the hope that he would mature. Although disdainful of labor, Bacon was intelligent and eloquent. Upon Bacon's arrival, Berkeley treated his young cousin with respect and friendship, giving him both a substantial land grant and a seat on the council in 1675.

My comments: Despite the privileges granted to him by a benevolent governor, Bacon attracted other rebels, who joined with him to burn down the settlement of Jamestown in 1676. As you read of the events of this rebellion, it might all start to feel horribly familiar, for we still endure such rebels today.

Read the rest of the story about this rebel, here:

http://www.democraticcentral.com/showDiary.do?diaryId=2582

Some facts about this rebel:

1. He was rebellious and scheming.

2. His father apparently did not feel he could effectively train him to be responsible and wise, so he sent him to someone else, which desperate parents are prone to do. Governor Berkeley was a kind relative, and an older man. It seemed like a good plan to straighten young Nathaniel out by sending him to the colonies where he would mature.

3. The lad shunned hard work but enjoyed talking, and was apparently quite talented as an orator, attracting the admiration of others. This is often the case with rebels today from good homes. They are admired by others and they are wiser than all their teachers.

4. He was given a place of privilege and responsibility by the governor, who gave him land, and a seat on the council.

5. After reading the story further, I discovered that the rebel turned against the elderly benefactor, making threats and demands.

6. The governor eventually gave in, and retired from view, but the rebel could not maintain stability and he lost control of the domain he sought to dominate. Surrounded by other rebels, he burned the town of Jamestown, a historical fact that is not much mentioned these days. The governor eventually had to take on the responsibility again, that his young charge once had. (Rebels do not stick with one thing in a steady manner. They are restless and destructive).

7. He had terrible hardships, brought on by his own rebellion.

8. The father of this young man probably had no idea of unleashing this kind of terror on the new settlement. He couldn't handle his son, so he sent him "somewhere else" and in doing so, wreaked havoc on others.

In 1640, the father of Nathaniel Bacon probably did not realize the torment he had foisted upon the struggling colony of Jamestown, when he sent his son there to be reformed by the governor. Parents today should be careful where they send the rebels. They could cause more harm than good. I do not know if there were any deaths as a result of Bacon's burning of Jamestown, but I am sure it was like a sore plague to those hard working immigrants, who had built up a town in a foreign land, and were trying to make a go of it. Many of them had left their homes in England, where they might have had more comforts, in order to help settle this new country. This rebellion probably destroyed a lot of people's hard work and dreams.

Just some thoughts about families who endure the rebel at home:

1. Most rebels are scheming and troublesome, not seeming determined to live in peace with others.
2. They are unhappy and discontented.
3. They do not love to work.
4. Others admire their speeches.
5. They are critical.
6. A rebel turns against those who have benefitted him the most, and sometimes does it in "the name of the Lord," who, he claims guided him to rebel against all good sense and lead him away from his parents wise counsel.
7. The rebel becomes angry, sometimes staging arguments and blow-ups, where he uses great drama.
8. He makes demands: things must change more to his liking, "or else."
9. The one who is responsible for protecting the rebel, concedes to some of his demands, in order to prevent more trouble. The parents may even go to extra expense to pacify the rebel.
10. The rebel attracts other rebels, and he spreads scandal about his authorities, among them.

Some observations about Cain, who killed his brother, Abel:

1. He apparently did not provide the kind of sacrifice that God required.
2. He was unhappy that he didn't get the same approval that God gave to his brother.
3. He was wroth.
4. God told him that his countenance would be "lifted" when he did "well."
5. God told him that his anger was on the brink of something dangerous: "behold, sin is crouching at the door, but you must master it."

This solution is the absolute best there is. If your rebel is discontent, wroth, rebellious, haughty, etc. the solution is to "do well." The people of the past understood that they must do well, in order to feel right about life. Today, the rebel is intent on feeling good, and cannot find that good feeling, so he blames those who care for and protect him, and those who are his authorities. Instead of "doing well" and proving himself by working hard, he complains and causes trouble.

6. Cain killed his brother and denied knowing where he was. The rebel does scheming, sneaky things and denies it. They include: gossip about family matters, judging his parents, complaining that he didn't have the right kind of upbringing, demanding that he be given more freedom to do worldly things, etc. The rebel has the faulty reasoning that if he can get rid of his authorities, life will be better for him. He does not understand the consequences of rebellion. Because he is so caught up with his own self, he must learn by impact. People may warn him, but he is sure he is right. The tragedy of Nathaniel Bacon, is that he had the talent and ability to do something good, but became destructive instead of constructive. Rebels often lose their ability to be really constructive.

Here are some more observations about rebels and their relationship with parents:

1. Parents love peace, and in order to prevent an uprising, they often cater to a rebel, trying to shelter them from their own folly.
2. Parents desperately do not want to lose a child to rebellion. They will sometimes send him to special course or class or college, even a place of training. They may call ministers, send him to counsellors, send him away on missionary journeys, but he gets no better. They do their best to provide a way of escape and make it appealing to be cooperative and loving in the home.
3. Though some things may seem to work for awhile, the rebel, lacking in the essential qualities of unselfishness and contentment, stirs up more trouble. He makes home a war zone so that the family members just wish he would leave. Parents who formerly had strong emotional ties to the rebel, finally detach their emotions, just to be able to start living again. (A rebel can control the parents for a very long time.)
4. After creating such an uproar, he leaves his family to recover from feeling of shell-shock, he moves out, but becomes angry when the family does not include him in special events, or consult him before they make major decisions and changes. Parents realize at last that the child, though talented and having much promise, is too tangled up in rebellion to be able to fulfill the things he once hoped to do with his life.
5. Parents do not feel confident to counsel, guide, or refute the rebel, and will give up, just glad to have some rest from "the war."


Observations about the Prodigal Son parable:

1. The son wanted to leave home and wanted his inheritance early. It was not his father's idea for him to leave home.
2. The son spent the money on foolish things. There was a famine in the land and he was out of money so he went to work for a farmer. It was while he was there that he "came to his senses," noting that he would be much better off at home, even if he went back as a hired servant.
3. He returned and confessed that he had sinned against his father and against God, and that he would be glad to be nothing more than a hired servant.
4. The father was glad to see him and gave him the best of everything.
5. There is no indication that the father refunded any money or bailed out the prodigal. He just welcomed him home and had a feast for him. He told the other son that all that he had, was his, so apparently that other son would have inherited everything.

Parents just need to realize that a rebel is not thinking straight. He does not see the advantages of the home and the parents. He thinks the world has something better to offer him. He does not understand how his parents created the stability that they have. He imagines that they are "crazy" and that he is of sound mind. The Prodigal Son had to "come to his senses."

Two things that rebels in the home need: From the story of Cain, they need to "do well" so that they can be happy. From the story of the Prodigal, they need to come to their senses and confess that the uproar they have caused have cost their parents time, money, emotional wear and tear in their older years, and been a bad example to the other children. The rebel needs to come to his senses and do well.

Parents really do not "need" this rebel, but they worry for him, because of "what is out there." They are sure he will be preyed upon by others, and meet a sad end. That is one reason that they do not easily part with him. However, I doubt very much that the Victorians would have put up with a rebel for very long. In that polite society, the insults, the shouting, the undermining, the scheming, would not have been tolerated.

Teach Your Children Well

Rebellion is like a drug. It is never satisfied with its own results. It just triggers off a need for more power. If small signs of rebellion in a child are not corrected immediately, it adds up like a drug, inside of their minds. If that desire is not "fed," it gets desperate. That results in more and more demands. Parents can give in to the rebels demands, but it will not satisfy them. They will always be unhappy, always blaming, always bitter. That is why it is so important not to allow rebellion to settle in, but to correct it, as it comes along.

Parents must be in control of the child, until the child can exhibit enough self control to keep his life in order. Freedom must be gradually given, when it is appropriate. Hold a tight rein on your child when he is little, and teach them how to handle freedom. Teach them to obey. By following you and obeying your spoken word, they can learn to imitate an adult. As their obedience is replaced with personal accountability, more freedom can be given.

Children earn their freedom by being responsible. It is better to be strict at first, than to be strict, at last. If there is rebellion in a child, and you ignore it or tolerate it, you will have a huge problem on your hands later on when they are too big to discipline. They will be sneaking out the window or calling the police when they don't get their own way. You have to control them while you are bigger than they are, if you want them to respect and honor you when they are bigger than you are.



Grown children in rebellion are much harder to retrieve than small children in rebellion. The older children will have figured out the path to rebellion, and are well on their way, covering all their bases. They will declare the government of "self." Whatever makes them happy, is what will rule. It will never be consistent. One day you will please them and they will be polite. They will keep score of wrongs, however, and when you do not please them, they will start adding things up. One day they will say "I have had enough" and they will send you a 20 page list of all the things you did wrong, and then, attempt to separate themselves.

Parents must begin at birth to establish who is the boss in their family. Do not go around saying, "What do you want?" or "We are going to have dinner now, sweetie, okay?" Just tell them what YOU want and don't make idle threats. If you want to call everyone to dinner, put junior in his chair and make him stay. Don't ask him if it is "okay."

If you are in the habit of asking their children what they want, all the time (maybe you don't even know you are doing it) they might become beggars in the home, always whining for something, always expecting something, always having their hand out. This is not the way children should be raised. They should be taught to serve others in the family and to please their parents. They should be taught that other people's comfort is more important than their own.They need to know that they are not the center of the universe. They need to understand what they are in this life for: to love and honor their parents and to be of some use to their fellow-man. They need to know that your job is to train them to be responsible adults, and that, to a great extent, they can help you be successful in that job. Children also have a lot to do with their own childhoods.

Often a rebel will complain that he had an unhappy childhood. He will not see any fault in himself, only in others. I have written several articles in the past that show how parents become more harsh when the children rebel. If a child is obedient, a parent does not have to push his point. If a child will listen and be compliant, a parent is much more pleasant and will be more apt to praise the child. Every time a child resists his parents' teaching and training, a parent will develop more exasperation with the child, resulting in a firmer voice, and more restrictive rules. If children want to know how to have a happy childhood, they need to learn not just to obey, but the entire meaning behind the word "honor."


I heard one of our elders say in a Bible class that the reason so many adults have problems later on in life, is because of neglecting to obey parents when they were younger and neglecting to honor them when they were older. When you look at the massive amount of trouble our nation is in, it is truly the result of dishonoring parents. A century ago, the Chinese communities had such a high code of honor in their families, that nearly every child was successful in marriage, and family, and business. Being lax in honor has resulted in crime, gangs, divorce, and many other things that were unheard of in that culture a hundred years ago.

We can have our families back. We can insist on obedience, and honor, not because we are so great, and not because we deserve it, but because it is good for our children. We love them and want them to have success in life. We know that they will suffer terribly if they are allowed to rebel. We have to protect them from a bleak life, by insisting on obedience. The anecdote to rebellion is consistent discipline and teaching and training. Diligent parents cannot sit on a couch watching tv an giving orders. They have to watch to see if their training is taking root. They have to follow up, and, parents have a right to expect that after each thing has been taught, they should not have to re-teach it and keep saying the same thing over and over.

If parents have to say the same order again and again, they have not been effective teachers. They must tell their children that if they have to repeat the order and follow them around to make sure they do it, that they will suffer the consequences of more discipline. Some children get the idea that they will only obey if the parent is standing over them monitoring every little move. After a reasonable amount of time, children should be able to function without being told every move to make.

There is a parable Jesus told about the seed and the sower. I realize it is about winning souls, but it can certainly apply to raising children, because the family is the most neglected mission field and the souls of our children are precious enough for us to stay in that mission field and teach. The passage you should read to your children is Matthew 13:3-23. It explains something about growing up. Some people grow up to be weak. Others get discouraged and are weak, and others grow up and duplicate their parents teachings. It is a good story to remind children to be good soil, that will produce good fruit. They will understand what it means to listen and obey.

If this generation of parents do not get the respect and obedience of their children, they will lose everything. We are already seeing the results of impudent youth, who were unrestrained, and the way they tear up their parents and grandparents property. We have seen how young adults do not know how to care for private property and how little they value private posessions. We have to train the next generation of children to be good stewards of their land and to be careful with everything from tools to money. If we want to produce a Congress and a President that fears God, we need to produce children that honor their parents.

Trend Today:Gone Tomorrow

We have been looking at the consequences of young women in ministry. On
this link. there is a very eye opening discussion about the women who spend so much time in colleges and careers that they miss out of marriage, home and family. I am sure that religious girls think that ministry is just not the same as college or career; that somehow they will have more blessings in their lives as a result. However, the blessing of having a husband and children is something that many women are missing out on when they use their youth up in some other thing. Ministry is no different than career in that it takes up so much time and concentration. Please be sure to read the comments on that link and see especially what the men are saying about women who choose something besides marriage, and then want to get married later when the are no longer young. Men tend to be more forthright and you will see their blunt replies in answer to all the feminist questions.

Also, the popular links listed on the side, are just a few of the articles that can be of help to parents that are facing conflict in the home.

I want to also add a little sunshine to confused parents and reassure them that any time their children are acting strange, or going completely opposite the values you have spent so much time to instill in them, there will be a number of things going on: they have allowed something or someone to persuade them to compromise their values. They start contradicting themeselves. They will tell you that they just want to be happy and that what they are doing is what matters. They become self centered, caring only about themselves. They become selfish and are not concerned about the success of the family. The family is sacred. The home is not just someplace to stay. It was given to these children by God. When they reject the parents and family and home, they reject God, even while claiming to go into ministry.

Do not be fooled by the confusion and the grief these young people bring you. It is a sign of rebellion. They have a war going on inside of themeselves between what they were taught and what someone else outside of the home is trying to teach them. They try to make you think you are crazy, just to buy themselves more time to play and avoid being adults. Just keep reading and praying, and have confidence that God is with parents and created parents for a good reason beyond just having children. He created them for good counsellors for young people. It is interesting that many animals die as soon as their young are raised, but human beings do not. That is because they do not lose their usefulness after their children are grown. They remain useful to mentor and teach and train younger people, til the day they die. So, any trials you are going through as a parent, will come in very useful to the next generation!

About the title: the trend of ministry will be gone tomorrow, replaced by another scheme to rob children of their natural purpose in life. I can only imagine what will take the place of ministries for young people (see previous post and comments regarding how ministry robs young women of the years that could be spent at home, married, with children, or helping parents) If you recall, there has always been SOMETHING to distract young people from family life.

"The Ministry" Myth

The Bride, By Harrison Fisher

Three Girls Praying by Pam McCabe

Moonbeams by Jessie Wilcox-Smith

Looking Glass River by Jessie Wilcox Smith

Mother's Pride by Joyce Pike

On several occasions I have been asked my opinion of the young women's focus on "ministry" of the last decade. I have not ever been disturbed by this, as I felt it was a trend of the times, soon to pass. It was not a concern to me, because I always based my values on the solid rock of the scriptures and the activities of the women of the past who had a high regard for the Bible.

Today, though, I have read through several religious papers that advocate young people going into ministry, instead of staying home with their parents until marriage. The result of this thinking, has been that instead of getting married "at first", when they are young and able to carry the responsibilities of marriage, children and house, these women find it harder to marry "at last", when their youth is behind them and they barely have the stamina to keep up with small children and a load of house work. They have spent their young years in "ministry," away from home, hardly realizing that there was a ministry OF the home, AT home, where their talents were highly valued and where their absence put more burden on other members of the family.

I will continue to address this issue here, when I have time. You are still welcome to comment before I get the post finished. I want to explore several areas, including:

Is it sound reasoning?

Is it wise use of time?

Does it serve best those who have invested in them?

Will it hurt anyone?

Does go against the wishes of their parents?

Are the young women changing the Bible to suit themselves, or changing themselves to fit the Bible?

Is ministry just a substitute for something they should be doing? (Getting out of housework, for example)

Will it train young women to become wives, mothers, and homemakers?

Is it just serving those who "use" these young people to further their own ministries, or does it give them a stronger determination to return home and honor their parents?

Are young women just trying to get out from under the protection of their parents?

Will they be shirking responsibility at home?

Are fathers still responsible for their daughters?

Will it increase their determination to get married?

There are a dozen more questions to be asked about this!

I posted the paintings to reinforce the ministry of the home. There is a mission field there that is being neglected. If only I could explain the power of this original ministry of the home!

(continued)

While many young women believe they are going to do something "great" in a mission field, or even marry a minister and remain in ministry, they can still fail in the home, for even if they go somewhere else and serve in some kind of religious program, they still have to do laundry and keep house. If they marry a man in that religious field, they still have to be a wife and take care of the home! Leaving home may not lead women to something "greater" than they are now doing, as many of them find out! I am reminded of the book, "Christy" by Catherine Marshall, wife of Peter Marshall, who wrote the sermon "Keepers of the Springs."

In this book, she wrote of her mother, Christy, who actually went to a remote area to teach, and was asked by an older woman there: "Do you really want to serve, the Lord, or are you just running away from home?"

Sometimes girls just want to get out from under the protection of their families. They can always convince their parents that they are "serving the Lord," and that, since God comes first, they must let them go. The parents do so because they wouldn't want to hinder the "Lord's work." I think personally that there is no greater mission field than the home.

Then, of course, there is the great issue of protection. To get out from under the protection of a father can mean a lot. Young women feel impervious to the dangers out there, even in a ministry. The "ministry" is generally where people feel at ease with one another in a similar faith, and can too often become more casual in relationships; relationships without the oversight of the parents, that can sometimes end in heartache or go nowhere at all, which can be equally disappointing. Once the daughter gets out from under the protection of her father, she isn't doing anything "great." She is just serving someone else's father or brother or husband, in their ministry.

There is the problem of money, in all this. It is really not very cost-effective to go "somewhere else." Money has to be raised, and it takes a lot of time to get letter written and sent, keep track of the contributions, and so forth. I don't understand why young women are so willing to do something like this, which is a tremendous stress, and yet are reluctant to accept the idea of having a husband who will provide, and use his money for the good of the new family they will form.

I am sure they feel they are doing a lot of good, but there is a great big gap left in the home when a daughter leaves, to serve someone else, and I'm not talking about the Lord. You can serve the Lord at home, for the home is the most neglected place on earth. Every day we hear the social planners of the world complaining that the homes of our country are "dysfunctional" and other things. Well, we could let our daughters BE home, and change the home for the better.

At home, they are free to develop new talents and innovative ways to make the home a better place. In the ministry, they follow someone else's rules and schedule, and they live in a "family" that is a mish-mash of all kinds of people, some who are troubled, and some who are not. You can get all that at home ;-) and the local church has enough interesting people and problems to keep you busy for a lifetime.

Sometimes the "need" is presented with such a strong urging by the recruiter, that young women feel they must go, or they will violate their conscience. It is very easy to change the conscience of young people. All you have to do is appeal to a "higher purpose," in their mind, and they quickly forget that their parents and their family and the path they have been guided on, is a good an noble way, and with patience and faith, will lead to the right goal.

I have seen young women express a desire to be wives and mothers and homemakers, and right before my eyes, watched someone talk them out of it by saying don't-you-want-to-experience-life-before-you-settle-down, or your-parents-are-limiting-you, and they-need-to-release-you-to-serve-the-Lord. Without going to their parents to discuss this, the would-be "counsellor" and the daughter decide to go into a "mission field" and "serve the Lord." The parents are put under a lot of pressure to agree, because of course, the daughter doesn't want to go without their blessing. She threatns to go anyway, so they agree. Then she says, "I have the approval of my parents." This goes on a lot!

Regarding all those people they intend to help and counsel and convert: for every single person in one of these camps or training centers or mission homes, there is, somewhere in their lives, someone that is responsible for them, that they can turn to for good instruction and protection. Your daughter is probably very close to the age of these troubled young people. The troubled youth that they are sent to help, need elderly people and parents to counsel and teach them. The best kind of teaching your daughter can do, is the kind God designed within the structure of the family, also His divine design, when she teaches her own children. That way, she gets to start from babyhood training them in the right way, rather than try to reform someone else's children who have gone astray. You will find that those people they feel so called to minister to, DO have someone that can minister to them. The program will not fall apart if your daughter does not join their team.

I have read a few pieces on the web, long pages of rants that accuse parents of not listening to the "call of God," yet I fail to see how these ministries are fulfilling the command in I Timothy 5:14 where the young women are told to "marry, bear children, and keep house." I think of how Ruth, a widow, was told by her mother in law, that she should try to marry. It was a duty of young widows to marry, in the Old Testament, and in doing so, they would be busy ministering to a husband, and mind their own business keeping house. Sending the young daughters off to ministry is not much different than sending them to public school or college. Anytime you get a mass of young people together, you will inevitably have the same foolishness, and I think everyone knows what I mean.

Occasionally there is the ruse on the part of the daughters, to get away from the protection of their parents. They want to leave and do as they please, without any regard for the feelings of the family, but they don't want it to look like they are in rebellion. Ministry is perfect. Just say I am in "ministry," or that I'm looking to marry a minister, and my parents can't refuse to send me away.

In some cases, the daughters that go into these ministries, are allowed to analyze their parents and come to the conclusion that since their families are "dysfunctional" that they should not return to them, but rather, say in the mission field. I have personally seen this happen.

Another striking piece of evidence against this ministry-myth, is the puzzling absence of it in previous generations. The local church, formed by families in communities within walking distances of homes, seemed to keep people quite busy. Sending your daughter into ministry is something I had not heard of until the last 20 years.

As people began to talk about it more, I did not know what to say because I was thinking it was not something we had read about in scripture, and not something we had seen practiced in churches of the past. Girls got married. They didn't go into ministry. They had the faith that God would provide them a mate. Today, parents and daughters become too self conscious about the situation. If they have their daughter in a "ministry," they can say to their friends, "No, she isn't married, but she is in ministry."

Men don't really want to marry women in ministry, it seems, so these girls have a harder time finding a mate. It is a new thing, that is being taught by some churches. I can't remember being lured into ministries, but I can remember being taught to settle down and keep house. I don't think many preachers are preaching this today, even though it comes straight from the word of God. As I explained before, everyone is a ministers and everyone can be evangelistic, but you just don't have to join someone else's ministry to do it.

I know of one woman who, when approached by her teens regarding the ministry, simply pointed to the neighbors on all sides and said, "here is your mission field." What business do we have sending young people out to win souls, when they do not even know how to do it in their own land. I have heard that the great commission actually means "As you go into all the world, and preach the gospel.." We are always preachers and we are obligated to teach, no matter where we are.

I am not speaking against legitimate ministries where a family goes to teach the gospel, but I am speaking of the trend to send young women away from home into other people's programs and other people's ministries. I think they need the time during their youth to learn a lot about the home and the family. Young women in ministries come home still not knowing how to sew, cook, manage a home, get along with family members, or manage money. Ministry just can't provide what young women really need.

There does not seem to be any indication, historically, that the believers before us, i.e. our forefathers --from the beginnings of the Lord's church in 33 a.d. to the Pilgrims to the Colonials and the Victorians---there doesnt' seem to be any evidence that the single women were all excited about entering into "ministry." There is, on the other hand, quite a few diaries, letters, documents, available, to show that marriage was something they thought most important. If they were all being recruited into ministry first, before marriage, I must have missed something.

There is a false view taken by the doctors and sociologists of our time, that there is supposed to be an "inbetween" time in the lives of young daughters, where they go off on their own and get apartments and pursue a career or live with their boyfriends and sort of break off and be independent until they are shackled down again by marriage, home and family. Religious people use ministry as that inbetween time.

Ministry could also be used as somewhere to send young women because their parents do not know what to do with them. Churches might desire it because they don't want to deal with young women getting into trouble and causing shame on the church. Just send them away into ministry during the years they are likely to have problems, and get them out of the way.

The Bible still says that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. Apparently, before the modern era, boys and girls stayed in their parents homes and helped them, until they married and began their own homes. This makes more sense to me, and is a lot less expensive.

Lest anyone think this rush by young ladies to join ministries is the result of too confining an upbringing, or too strict parents, there has always been ministries that persuade grown children to join. Just look at the 60's where so many of the "hippies" joined the "Jesus" movement and lived in communes. They weren't homeschooled children, either. They were from the public schools. Most of them were not even Christians, either. These were people from very liberal, non-religous homes with no structure, yet some were also from good families who had taught them the truth and even warned them about being caught up with the trends. It is something all parents have to be vigilant about. It has been the same throughout the ages. Ministries or crusades are always ready to whistle like pied pipers and expect kids to leave their homes, following after them.

Do not think it is always "ministries" that pull our young adults away, either. It can be just about anything that is cultish, from rock music to clothing to substances. Read here what my daughter had to say about one musician's effect on youth http://thepleasanttimes.blogspot.com/2008/07/is-hannah-montana-harmless.html and notice the painting of the Pied Piper and the children following him. Children follow because the lures are strong. People want to get your children out from under your influence and your protection. It is an advantage to them to have your children following them. And, they don't do it from the goodness of their hearts. In most ministries, the kids are free labor for all kinds of things outside of actually teaching the Bible, particularly housework! So, the very thing the daughters try to escape, they end up doing.

There was a youth movement that helped the communists. Youth is raw material for any organization. Colleges never send shiny brochures to parents to lure them into loans for their courses. They send them to the kids. Parents have more wisdom than children. No one is after the parents. Can you even imagine a throng of parents following a pied piper? No, it is the children that they want. Businesses aim their advertising at young people because once they get their interest, they can have business, the kids will pressure their parents to pay for the products they become used to or addicted to. The advertising is rarely aimed at the fathers and mothers.

Once again it is a struggle between who is the authority and who is undermining authority. It is time for parents to take charge and take their rightful territory and not let others lure their children away.

I remember once walking past a woman in a store, whose children had stopped her to ask if they could put some money in a machine that would catch a prize. The mother said, "No, you may not have the money, because, children, this is a game you can never win. It will keep your money and you will always want the prize and you will waste your time."

Another time in a store, I walked behind a woman who had two children in the shopping cart and they were asking her for something. She said, "No. I am going to get you something else, instead." Then they started to cry louder, so she said, "I guess I won't be getting you something else. I'm not going to do that. We are going home." These mothers were teaching their children about the lures of life and trying to put wisdom in their heads, rather than catering to their wishes. They were telling their children that the world has its hand out, trying to take something from them, without deserving it, and that they were to listen to their God-given authorities, the parents. I believe even ministries can be like the world, in that respect.

I was glad to see a young parent taking their rightful responsibility and taking charge of the situation instead of letting the child do the controlling. If we do not get our children under control, there are lots of lures out there that WILL try to control them. Those kids who joined cults and ministries in the 60's sometimes said it was because it gave them boundaries, which they lacked at home. Let us be aware of this!